kid not turning in homework

Why kids don’t hand in their work (even if they did it)

By Amanda Morin

Expert reviewed by Bob Cunningham, EdM

Quick tip 1

Use visual reminders..

Put a sticky note that says “Did you turn in your homework?” on a lunchbox or something else kids use every day. Or have kids keep their completed homework inside their lunchbox or on the very top of a bookbag.

Quick tip 2

Try a homework folder..

Have kids use a folder to bring their homework to and from school. Try a brightly colored folder with pockets. This makes it easier to find in a backpack and keeps papers from slipping out. Check this folder daily.

Quick tip 3

Use calendars and checklists..

Digital or paper calendars, planners, and checklists can help kids remember to turn in homework. Have kids choose a tool that works best for them. Then teach them how to use it.

Quick tip 4

Do a backpack audit..

A messy backpack can make it hard for kids to find their homework. Clean out the backpack together. Then give kids tips for keeping it organized on their own.

When kids complete their homework but don’t turn it in, it’s frustrating. And it can be even more frustrating if kids don’t have an answer to the question, “Why didn’t you hand it in?”

It’s not unusual for kids to forget to turn in their homework from time to time. And some kids choose not to hand in their homework, even if they did it.

Middle-schoolers and high-schoolers may want to seem cool in front of their friends. To some kids that age, caring about getting their homework done isn’t cool. 

Some kids might feel like they’re just “not good” at a class or at school in general. Maybe they had a bad experience with an assignment or a teacher in the past. So they don’t even bother handing in their work — even if they did it.

For other kids, though, getting homework to the teacher is a different kind of challenge. It’s one thing to do homework. It’s another thing to put it in your backpack, bring it to school, find it in your backpack, and remember to turn it in.

It may seem like kids are being lazy or not trying hard enough. But challenges with organization are real.

Dive deeper

Homework and trouble with organization.

The routine to get out the door in the morning is already hard for some kids. Managing to take their homework with them adds another layer. It doesn’t mean that kids don’t want to get it right or aren’t working hard. Kids can want to get organized and still struggle with it.

Other kids may get their homework to school but forget to turn it in. Maybe they can’t find it in their messy backpack. They might be distractible and get sidetracked by something before turning it in. 

Some kids just completely forget to turn homework in. Forgetfulness isn’t uncommon, especially when kids are stressed or tired. And it’s more common for some kids than others, like kids who have trouble with focus or with following directions.

Learn more about what can cause organization challenges .

How a homework contract can help

A homework contract holds everyone accountable for what they need to do to make sure homework gets done and turned in. 

Parents and caregivers: Download a homework contract to use with your child. Use it to outline the ways you’ll help with homework, including how much you’ll help your child get it to school.

Educators: If kids are having trouble turning in their homework, suggest that families try a homework contract. Explore homework contracts and other organization printables for families. 

When kids are completing homework but not turning it in, families and educators should connect and share what they’re seeing. Talk about the classroom policies and routines around homework like: 

Late work policies 

Where and when kids turn in homework 

Online options — can kids turn in homework online, like on Google Classroom? Can they email homework? 

Then use the information to find strategies to try. 

Parents and caregivers: It’s important to talk with your child, too. Ask specific questions about how school is going. For example, does your child feel uncomfortable handing in homework? Is something going on with the teacher? Talk about what’s going on and let them know you’ll work together to find solutions. 

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

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Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not.  Middle school syndrome is the worst.  Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail.  I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest.  It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up.  I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way.  Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever.  They didn't even get an ounce of this.  Very very frustrating.  And I wish I have never invited video games to this household.  That is all they want to do.  I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits.  Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career.  I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel.  It is very hard too when you don't get any help.  I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents.  Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home?  okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care.  He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes.  He is totally the same!  They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative.  They are so insanely smart.  I worry about exactly the same thing.  They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami).  It made a huge difference in the short-term.  They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son.  The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us.  He is like the Borg!  I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son.  The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun!  It is bloody hard work.  And, harder the older they get -

eg.  He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!"  This has worked for 2 days now.  

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time.  Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too.  We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine.  We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all.  We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).  

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son.  Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do.  Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline.  That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!!  If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class.  How do you combat this without going to the school everyday?  Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation.  He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend  , my child is the same way.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

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Helping Children with Executive Functioning Problems Turn In Their Homework

On this page:, walk through the process with the child, develop templates of repetitive procedures, provide accommodations, teach the use of tricks and technology that help compensate for organizational weaknesses.

Here are some strategies to help a child who does his or her homework, but doesn’t turn it in:

Walk through the process with the child. For example:

Is the homework getting lost at home? Is the homework getting lost in the bottom of the backpack or the bottom of the locker? Is it in the proper notebook, but forgotten in the process of settling into the classroom?

Once you have identified the sticking point, consider what needs to be added to the routine to get past it.

Try different ways of organizing homework to find the one that best suits your child. Some students do best with a separate homework folder so that everything that needs to be turned in is organized into one place. Others do better when they organize the homework by subject.

If the teachers have set up a system that does not work for your child, talk with them about allowing alternatives. This can also be done as part of a formal individualized plan, like a 504 plan.

Develop templates of repetitive procedures. For example:

• Teachers can create a checklist of things to be done upon entering or leaving the classroom.
• Parents can create written checklists or photo charts for completing chores, preparing to catch the bus in the morning, gathering necessary stuff for sports practice, etc.

Provide accommodations. For example:

Teachers understandably balk at the idea of taking on responsibility for your child’s job of turning in his work. However, repeated performance of a behavior is what makes it a habit; once the behavior is automatic, then the burden is lifted from the executive system.

If you help the teacher to see this as a step in the process of building independent skills, with the prospect of fading out the teacher’s prompting, it may encourage the teacher to get on board.

Teach the use of tricks and technology that help compensate for organizational weaknesses. For example:

For example, after completing an assignment, the student could be taught to enter a note into the next day’s assignments block for that subject. Then, at the end of class, when the student enters that night’s homework assignment, he will see the reminder to turn in what is due that day.

“Turn in homework” can be a programmed reminder set to go off at the beginning or end of the class period. Cell phones often have an alarm function, as well, that can be set for reminder alarms.

If this trick works for your child, talk to your child’s teachers about allowing cell phones in the classroom for this explicit function only.

• When the student prints out an assignment at home, prompt the child to also email it to the teacher and the child’s own web-based email account. Then, if the hard copy is misplaced, the child can print it out during class (with the teacher’s permission) or during free time.

Few problems are as frustrating for parents and kids as not receiving credit for homework that was actually completed on time but never turned in!

One tried and true behavioral strategy to remedy this is to link an already established habit to one that your child needs help acquiring.

To illustrate, Ivan is a seventh grader who forgets almost everything - except his peanut butter and jelly sandwich! - when he leaves home in the morning to catch the school bus. With daily reminders from his parents, he puts his homework folder on top of his lunch in the refrigerator before going to bed each school night. Then, putting the folder in his backpack, along with his PB&J, is a “no-brainer.” Ivan not only gets credit for his completed work but also learns how to creatively generate ways to manage his weaknesses.

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How to Help a Teen Out of a Homework Hole

The more students fall behind in the pandemic, the less likely they are to feel that they can catch up.

By Lisa Damour

Pandemic school is taking its toll on students, especially teens. A recent study , conducted by NBC News and Challenge Success, a nonprofit affiliated with the Stanford Graduate School of Education, found that 50 percent more kids in high school report feeling disengaged from school this year than last. In December, Education Week reported that schools were seeing “ dramatic increases in the number of failing or near-failing grades ” on report cards.

A major symptom of school disengagement is not turning in homework, a problem that can easily snowball. The further students fall behind, the more overwhelmed they often become and the less likely they are to feel that they can catch up .

The good news is that finding out about missing homework is a first step to helping kids get back on track. You just need to keep a few considerations in mind.

Empathy will get you further than anger

At this point in the pandemic, finding out that your child has let schoolwork slide may trigger an angry response. Everyone is worn down by the demands of pandemic life and many parents are already operating on their last nerve . Getting mad, however, is likely to cause kids to adopt a defensive or minimizing stance. Instead, try to be compassionate. What students who have fallen behind need most are problem-solving partners who want to understand what they are going through.

If you’re having trouble summoning your empathy, bear in mind that there are many good reasons a student could fall off pace this year. For instance, Ned Johnson, a professional tutor and co-author of the book “The Self-Driven Child,” noted that most teens have very little experience managing email, which is now a main source of information for those in remote or hybrid arrangements. “We know how overwhelmed we as adults are by email. Imagine not being comfortable with it, and then suddenly getting everything — from Zoom links to assignments — that way.”

Some students learning remotely may also have unreliable broadband service; others may miss key information because their attention is split between the teacher on the screen and distractions at home.

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Classroom Management , Equity Resources , Truth for Teachers Collective   |   May 7, 2023

Students not turning in homework? 4 common mistakes to avoid (and what to do instead)

By Kim Lepre

Homework is typically the bane of students and the Achilles heel of teachers.

On the one hand, regular practice outside of the classroom can help students retain information and reinforce learning. On the other, it’s also difficult to motivate students to do the work without coercion or consequences.

While the debate over the efficacy of homework continues to rage on, one thing remains clear: there will always be students who seemingly refuse to submit their homework. So how in the WORLD do we get these kids to just DO IT?

If you’re struggling to get students to submit work on a regular basis, there may be a problem in your systems that, once fixed, can increase not only the likelihood of your students submitting but also increase their academic success. Here are four common mistakes that teachers make about submitting homework, and what you can do instead.

Mistake #1: Not understanding the real reason why students don’t submit homework

Before we delve into tactics, it’s important to understand WHY students won’t submit their work. We often chalk it up to laziness, forgetfulness, not paying attention in class or just poor time management. While these can definitely contribute to the problem, the issue often lies much deeper than that.

First, fear of failure or overall confusion plagues many of our students. They don’t understand the assignment or concept and lack the motivation or resources to get help. A lot of times, they don’t speak up in class and ask questions for these same reasons, so they’re less likely to practice something that they’re confused about.

Also, many of our students are perfectionists and won’t submit work if it’s “not right.” As illogical as it sounds, if they didn’t have time to complete the assignment, they’d rather take the zero and not submit rather than give you incomplete work. Or if it’s not up to their unreasonably high standards, they won’t turn it in.

Additionally, general overwhelm and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression definitely play a role for many of our students. Not all parents have been able to address these concerns in their children, and some may be inadvertently exacerbating the symptoms with their own high expectations. If a student simply can’t handle even looking let alone starting your assignment, you definitely won’t get any work from them.

Finally, students may just not want to do your assignment because they don’t see the point. As harsh as it sounds, students know when they’re given “busy work.” To them, meaningless packets with 100 of the same problem are not only demoralizing but also a waste of time. So some students may just choose to not do it at all or they may start and eventually give up.

Mistake #2: Not setting and maintaining expectations

At the beginning of the school year, we’re VERY good about training our students on what our work submission processes are. You may even have a syllabus with these expectations spelled out, assuming that our students and their parents read it.

Most of us have a routine set, which works for the majority of the kids. But there are always a few that seem to slip through the cracks due to reasons in the first mistake. Maybe they have an IEP and need more intentional organization. Maybe they fell asleep in class and didn’t hear you give the deadline. Or perhaps they were in the bathroom when you announced it. Either way, we can preach responsibility  and accountability all we want, but if they’re just incapable of doing it on their own, we can decide to help them or let them fall and “learn their lesson.”

If we’re unwilling to consistently help these students that struggle with deadlines, then honestly, we have to share the blame. They’re still developing good habits, and what we try to reinforce only goes so far if it’s not reinforced at home. While it’s not our job to parent our students, we can still help with teaching and modeling what the expectations are and give grace when students stumble.

Basically, if it’s that important to you that they submit an assignment on time, then don’t assume that all of the students know what to do or how to meet those deadlines.

Mistake #3: Utilizing a one-size-fits-all approach to submission

As mentioned in the previous two mistakes, there are a lot of reasons why students aren’t submitting their homework. In terms of solving that problem in your class, you have two options: 1) Being frustrated but still letting them suffer the consequences, or 2) working with the students that struggle the most.

It may seem unfair to make special accommodations or arrangements for certain students, but that’s like saying it’s unfair that, at 5’1”, I need a stool to reach the top shelf while you may be able to easily stick your hand up there.

Does it REALLY matter if we both get what we need from that shelf?

Some students may need extra time or personal invitations to submit something. You might even have to modify the assignment for them just so that you have some form of work from which to assess. This can be annoying and time-consuming since you have so many other students to worry about.

But if it really bothers you that Jason doesn’t ever turn in his work, and asking or reminding him each time actually results in him turning in something , then ask yourself if it’s worth it.

If eight students regularly fail to turn in their homework, investigate what’s holding them up and what you can do to encourage them. Maybe they need an accountability partner. Perhaps you could show and remind them how to set a notification on their phone or device. You could encourage them to use a paper planner to stay more organized.

These definitely take more effort, and sometimes the lack of rewards makes it unsatisfying. But often, a student just doesn’t know how to advocate for themselves, and you being persistent can lay the foundation for them to be successful in other classes and in the future.

Mistake #4: Not involving parents and other adults

Along with the previous mistake, sometimes we forget that we can also deploy the troops, i.e., our students’ parents/guardians. While at times we feel at odds with some parents since they have such a negative perception of teachers and the education system in general, many are willing to do their part if we are explicit about how they can help.

It can be scary to send out notices to parents because they sometimes reply with an angry response or something completely unrelated. There have definitely been times when I wished that I hadn’t sent an email at all because I was inundated with responses.

But in the case of having students turn in their assignments on time, it just might be worth it. Students don’t necessarily talk to their parents about their work, and if they are experiencing one of the aforementioned reasons why they won’t do work, they’re certainly not going to divulge. So just a simple email with a calendar of deadlines or just a reminder of an upcoming due date would greatly increase the rate of homework submission.

For larger assignments, I’ve also explained what is due to parents so that they can help their student double-check that they completed everything. You’d be surprised how many parents want to sit down and help their student, but they don’t understand what’s expected. It does take a bit of time to do this, but with new tools like ChatGPT, you can craft these messages in a matter of seconds.

If you’re using an online grading system, they often have the capability for parents to see your grade book and online calendar. If you have this, then taking the time to train parents with a screencast video that you send out will also help them stay on top of their student’s progress.

What this means for your policies

It might be a bit of a philosophical shift to avoid these mistakes. After all, real change doesn’t happen instantly, especially if you want it to stick. During a time when we’re all trying to master work-life balance, it can seem preposterous to take on what seems like more work.

But what’s the cost – both to yourself and your students — if you DON’T do something different?

Left to their own devices, students will try to stay under your radar so that they don’t have to do any work, but we both know what the long-term consequences of that are. If they don’t turn in their homework or assignments in general, you can’t assess them, which means they can’t get feedback, which in turn means you have to hope that they’re gleaning SOMETHING from your lectures and class discussions. How will you know if they’re improving in your class if they won’t submit their work?

And you’ll continue to be frustrated about your low homework submission rate (if you weren’t frustrated, you wouldn’t have made it this far). Over time, that can leave a bad taste in your mouth and overall disdain for students that seem “lazy and useless.” Morphing into that kind of cynical teacher is not something anyone wants, so ask yourself — is it worth putting in the effort?

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

Do you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.

Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.

Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.

Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “ Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

My ADHD Child Refuses To Do Schoolwork. What Should I Do?

"My ADHD child refuses to do schoolwork. What should I do?" This is a common question among parents of students with ADHD. The good news is that there are changes your family can make to help. 

In this article, we'll discuss how ADHD impacts schoolwork and how solutions such as limiting distractions, mixing learning with pleasure, and scheduling study time in a way that's beneficial to your child can help. Then, we will go over additional challenges that might affect kids with ADHD who are struggling in school.

Does ADHD make it hard to do schoolwork?

ADHD makes it harder to stay focused, which no doubt affects schoolwork. However, ADHD is more than that, and it can be hard to understand from the outside. Many ADHD symptoms directly impact functioning at school. For adults, similar problems may show up at work. Take inattention symptoms as an example:

• Failure to give attention to detail or making careless mistakes.
• Difficulty following through with instructions.
• Trouble holding attention during tasks or play.
• Seeming as though one is not listening when spoken to directly.
• Challenges with organization.
• Reluctance to engage in or avoidance of tasks that require sustained mental attention (like homework or schoolwork). ADHD and school avoidance entirely can happen.
• Losing items necessary for activities and tasks.
• Being distracted easily.
• Forgetfulness or memory problems.

Hyperactivity/ impulsivity symptoms can also affect kids at school, as well as during homework time. These signs include:

• Excessive talking.
• Leaving one's seat in situations where remaining seated is expected.
• Running or climbing in situations where doing so is inappropriate.
• Acting as though one's "always on the go" or is "driven by a motor."
• Interrupting or intruding on other people's activities and conversations.
• Blurting out answers before a question has been completed.
• Fidgeting, squirming in one's seat, or tapping of the hands and feet
• Difficulty waiting for one's turn.
• Trouble taking part in leisure and other activities quietly.

ADHD isn't a character flaw, and people with the disorder aren't doing these things on purpose. After all, with ADHD, there are marked differences in the brain. Treatment can help, as can at-home and in-school support. Once you identify that your child has challenges with homework or school assignments, it gives you the opportunity to help them overcome them. If your ADHD child is failing school or struggling, read our tips to help below.

Remember that you don't have to have every symptom of ADHD to receive a diagnosis. Discover more about the different types of ADHD here.

How can I help my ADHD child do schoolwork?

Getting a child with ADHD to listen and do tasks like schoolwork and homework can be tricky. Most kids would rather watch TV or play as it is, but with ADHD, the battle can be even more significant. One way to find suggestions that work is to look at some of the techniques and accommodations that help kids with ADHD in school, as they may also help with homework time, too. For example, you might give your child multiple breaks or let them work in short bursts, provide time to move around in between study sessions, implement reward systems, or sit with them while they work on assignments and offer guidance or encouragement as needed. These are all similar to the accommodations for ADHD you might see in a school setting.

Where do you start, though? Let's go more into depth about what parents can do to help their children focus on and complete tasks.

Note : If your child struggles with school assignments or other tasks, Joon can help. Joon is a game specifically created for children with ADHD and their parents. Kids receive points and finish missions by completing tasks set by the parents, which allows them to care for a virtual pet of their choice in the game. Many parents have seen their child build better habits and become more motivated and autonomous with Joon. Try a 7-day free trial here .

Getting Your Child To Do Tasks

Homework and school assignments are only two examples of tasks that people with ADHD might have trouble with. Here are some quick tips to get your child to initiate and complete tasks such as school assignments when they are crying or refusing to do it.

Limit Distractions

Limit distractions to help your child avoid getting sidetracked. First, determine what tends to distract your child most when they work on assignments. Is it sounds from the TV? Toys? What about items on the table where they sit down to work? Then, remove those distractions. White noise may be beneficial and even calming, but for the most part, noises in the home can be highly distracting, so keep this in mind.

Engage your child

People with ADHD don't necessarily just struggle with staying focused. It is also common to have trouble initiating tasks, which can certainly be the case when it comes to schoolwork. Having another person there during a task can really help people with ADHD, so sit with your child as they work on school assignments to engage them. Prepare to re-engage your child gently if they get off track. Make sure that you remain calm and patient.

Simplify instructions

Break instructions down into small, easy-to-follow steps. When tasks are brief and come with a fast reward (e.g., "you can play outside afterward,") your child is a lot more likely to follow through. Spend time with your child going over an assignment's instructions little by little. If there is a difficult problem in their assignment, walk them through it.

Mix pleasure with learning

When you mix pleasure with learning, there's extra motivation for your child to engage with school assignments. This might mean that you implement strategies such as a reward system (e.g., a sticker chart, time with electronics post-homework time, etc.). Or, it could mean that you use strategies to make the lesson itself more fun. Parents able to sit with their children while they work on assignments might read the instructions in an animated fashion or make a game out of the assignment.

Additionally, don't hesitate to implement external tools that can support kids with ADHD. A game like Joon is a great way for children to mix pleasure with schoolwork and other tasks. With the app, kids complete not just schoolwork but other goals a parent might set, such as making breakfast, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, or putting the dishes away.

Try Joon App

The Joon app is designed for kids between the ages of six and twelve who live with ADHD. Many families say that it helps improve their child-parent relationship, boosts their self-esteem, and makes tasks less stressful. Kids are often drawn to games, and what sets Joon apart is that it aids real-life functioning. 

Now, how does it work?

How Joon Works

Games and gaming devices are emerging as forms of support for ADHD. In fact, in 2020, the FDA approved the use of the first video game-based digital therapeutic for kids with an ADHD diagnosis. Joon is a new kind of video game explicitly designed to help children with ADHD complete tasks. In the app, parents assign age-appropriate tasks that children must complete in order to take care of their pet, called a Doter, in the game.

Since a child must complete tasks to get what they need to care for the Doter, it motivates them for school to get each task done. Parents can add tasks (also known as quests) themselves or select recommended tasks through the app. The point of Joon is to make tasks fun.

Features of Joon

Occupational therapists, school teachers, and psychologists all back Joon. The Joon app is safe to use, and parents are in control. Here are some standout features of Joon:

• Joon supports executive functioning and independence in kids with ADHD who may otherwise struggle with daily routines and tasks.
• 90% of kids who use Joon complete all of their assigned tasks
• Joon has a rating of 4.7 out of 5 stars. 

Joon sends reminders to your child to help them stick to their routine and goals for the day so that parents don't have to, and it is effective almost immediately. Every task in the game is positive, supporting confidence and well-being in children with ADHD. 

Test-drive Joon for 7 Days

If you're ready to try Joon, you're in luck. It's easy to get started, and when you download the app, you get a 7-day free trial .

Break up study time

Plan study time in short bursts rather than one long session. In part, the reason you want to break up study time is similar to why you might want to break large tasks or long-term projects into smaller pieces. Lengthy work is intimidating, and kids with ADHD are more likely to stay focused, attentive, productive, and happy if it's approached in smaller chunks. 

Furthermore, breaking up study time means that kids will have breaks, which is vital when it comes to ADHD. One thing that can be helpful is to add physical activity to these breaks, as exercise is known to support school performance in children with ADHD. Even more, it is shown that when people study in smaller chunks of time, they retain information better.

How much time should you set aside? The amount of time may vary from child to child, but it should not extend past 45 minutes at once. Even those without ADHD find that their brain loses steam if they attempt to focus for too long. Short intervals of study time dispersed over 4-5 days per week will likely come with better results than attempting to get a child to study for hours per day.

Stick to schedule

Create a schedule for your child that includes a certain amount of time set aside for assignments. Stick to the schedule meticulously. In time, the schedule will start to feel natural. Kids will grow to understand that the certain time of day you designate for studying is meant for just that. When you implement a new schedule or routine, it can be difficult to adjust to at first, so be mindful that it might be a process to get your child to sit down and work on assignments initially. It should get easier and come with less of a fight the more consistent and unwavering you are. We've talked a little bit before about how vital routines can be for the ADHD brain, and this is an excellent example.

A reminder system may be useful, especially at first. You might use alarms, an app like Joon, or something else, to remind a child of the schedule.

Talk with your child's teacher

If your child struggles in class or with homework, it's important to communicate with their teacher regularly. Together, you can create solutions and gain an understanding of what's going on, as well as any next steps you might want to try to support your child's education. Take note of the resources for kids with ADHD that your child may benefit from, such as 504 plans and IEPs, that allow for accommodations. Tutoring for a subject that your child struggles with may be advantageous in relevant circumstances.

Seek treatment

Treatment options for ADHD, such as medication and behavior therapy, can help students with ADHD listen more attentively, begin and complete tasks, self-regulate, and curb potentially disruptive behavior or symptoms in class. If your child isn't currently receiving treatment and you feel that it's something they may benefit from, have a conversation with their pediatrician or another member of their care team.

Common Reasons To Not Do Homework

We talked about the direct impact that ADHD symptoms can have on homework and schoolwork, but there are other possible factors, too. Shame and trouble with executive functioning are common reasons why a kid with ADHD may refuse to do homework. Behavioral problems might make homework time challenging for parents. Similarly, comorbid diagnoses like learning disabilities, which are more prevalent among kids, teens, and adults with ADHD, can undoubtedly lead to struggles with homework. With the proper treatment and support, people with ADHD can thrive, and it is possible for kids with ADHD to improve their experience at school. Don't give up, and if problems persist, make sure to speak with a professional for guidance. 

Sarah Schulze MSN, APRN, CPNP

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Can Adderall Cause Depression Symptoms In Children? Here's What To Know

In this article, we'll talk about whether Adderall can cause Depression in kids, as well as other side effects and risks. Then, we'll discuss when to see a doctor about your child's symptoms and what you can do to help children with ADHD symptoms and depression.

Calming Techniques for Kids: 7 Stress Relief Tips to Try

In this article, we'll go over realistic calming techniques for kids, such as deep breathing exercises, squeezing objects to relieve stress, and using temperature to lower stress hormones.

Why Is My ADHD Child So Angry? Causes and How Parents Can Help

We'll discuss what to do when your child with ADHD is angry, whether or not ADHD can lead to outbursts of anger, and what helps with ADHD anger. Finally, we'll cover how the Joon app can help you calm your child.

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Why don’t kids turn in their homework if they’ve done it.

What can you do when kids don't turn in their homework (when they've already done it)?

Diane: This question is just really straightforward.

Elaine: Why does my daughter not hand in her homework ? Why don’t kids turn in homework that they’ve already done?

Diane: I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you. There's lots, and lots, and lots of reasons that kids don't turn in their homework, and remember that this is one step in the process-- actually handing it in.

Elaine: So part of this might be working memory. So by the time they realize that it's time to turn in their homework, they may not have kicked it. They may be doing something else.

Elaine: Maybe there's not a good classroom structure for it, so they're supposed to remember to do when they walk in the room, or there's a basket to put it in, and they don't have that as part of a routine.

Diane: My son used to always be embarrassed about turning in his homework if it was late . So, if he didn't do it exactly the time that the teacher passed to him and he didn't have it out of his backpack in time, it was like, then it would never get turned in because he didn't want to have to go back up and chase down the teach to turn it in 'cause it was just too much work and too much embarrassment.

Elaine: Right. What else?

Diane: They may be distracted, and again, it's about making sure that the teacher has their attention when they're asking for homework because they may not even notice. It's like, "Oh my gosh, it's time to turn in homework right now."

Elaine: Right. And different teachers will have different routines around it, and particularly if you have multiple teachers , sort of remembering how you did what can be hard for a lot of our kids.

Diane: And part of it is that sometimes teachers don't have a great structure themselves.

Elaine: Right.

Diane: I think that part of that is about helping your kids to advocate for themselves , asking their teacher to help them to remember to turn in their homework or to check with them. A lot of our kids that have accommodations, and this is a great place to put one of those in place.

Elaine: A lot of our kids need external structures for reminders . Since some of the strategies, they need to help them be successful are reminders. So for older kids, that may mean having an alarm set on their phones so that when they get to a certain class, it reminds them to. There are structures that you can create for each individual child, but recognizing that externalizing the structure is legitimate. They may need it. I use lots of external structures.

Diane: And the piece about that, and we'll talk about it more in another video, is that you want to make sure that it's a structure that works for them and not just your idea.

Bottom Line: There are many reasons why kids will do their homework but don’t turn it in, and a little detective work will help you figure out how to shift that behavior.

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Battles Over Homework: Advice For Parents

Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

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I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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My Teen Won’t Do Homework. How Can I Fix This?

Meet Jake, a 15-year-old ninth grader, who rarely, if ever, does his homework. Jake’s teachers report that he is inconsistent. He enjoys learning about topics that interest him but seems unfocused during class and fails to complete necessary schoolwork, both in class and at home. Although his grades are suffering , Jake makes no effort to improve his circumstances. His frustrated parents find that their only recourse is nagging and con­stant supervision.

Sound familiar? When a teen won’t do homework , we call this behavior work inhibition. Here are some common characteris­tics of work inhibited students:

• Disorganization
• Lack of follow-through
• Inability to work indepen­dently; more likely to do work when a teacher or par­ent hovers close by
• Lack of focus
• Avoidance of work
• Lack of passion about school, despite ability and intelligence
• Negative attitude; self-conscious and easily discouraged

How can a parent help when a teen refuses to do school homework? First, try to uncover the root of the problem and then devise solutions based on that reason.

3 Reasons Why Teens Don’t Complete Homework and What to Do:

1. missing skills.

The most common rea­son for lack of motivation is a gap in skills. Unplanned absences or a heavy extracurricular load can contribute to skill gaps, even in otherwise bright teens. If you suspect a skill gap, act quickly to have your teen assessed. Your school guidance counselor can recommend the right resources.

2. Poor habits

Poor work habits can also contribute to work inhibition. Try to focus on a work system rather than the work itself with your teen. Set small goals to­gether and teach your teen to set small goals for him or herself. Try to take frequent notice of your teen’s effort and progress.

3. Lack of confidence

Often, students who are work inhibited fear being wrong and won’t ask questions when they need help. Teach your teen that everyone makes mistakes. Help them see these mistakes as another opportunity for learning.

What Parents Can Do to Promote Self-Sufficiency

1. offer limited help with homework.

Parents can offer limited help with homework.  Try to avoid micromanaging the process. When you micromanage, the mes­sage you send is that your teen will fail if you aren’t involved. When you show confidence in your teen’s ability to complete the task with­out you, your teen’s motivation and self-esteem will increase.

3. Resist lecturing

Ask your teen for ways you can help, but don’t lec­ture. Lectures about poor work habits and constant reminders about the negative consequences of unfinished homework can cre­ate more dependency.

3. Empower your teenager

Chores are a great way to empower teens . Delegating demonstrates your confidence in their ability. Try assigning tasks related to an area of interest. If your teen en­joys trying new foods, delegate the preparation and cooking of dinner one night each week.

4. Focus on strengths

Focus on strengths rath­er than pointing out your teen’s faults. When your teen succeeds, give genuine, specific praise. When you need to discuss expectations or problems use a matter-of-fact tone instead of an emotional tone.

Once you and your teen agree on the underlying problem, then the two of you can develop a plan to help create a self-sufficient student.

Martina McIsaac is executive director of Huntington Learning Centers.

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No More “I Forgot”

The “i forgot” excuse is one of the oldest in the book, but for students with adhd it’s often the truth. help your students stay on track with these 9 tips..

Teens forget things. Teens with ADHD forget things more often. You may think they are lazy or have a bad attitude, but all of those “I forgots” are a symptom of the disorder. Teachers shouldn’t punish a child for, say, forgetting to hand in homework , but should help him find solutions instead. Below are common problems, along with solutions. If a student:

Forgets to write down homework assignments

> Ask another student to check to see that his assignments are written down.

> Allow him to dictate assignments into a digital recorder, record them in his cell phone or computer, or use his own reminder system — filling out an index card that he sticks in the back pocket of his jeans.

Forgets to bring home the correct assignments and books

> Tape a checklist on the locker that reminds him to take home things he repeatedly forgets.

> Have him write a reminder note in the palm of his hand.

Forgets to return homework, tests, and permission slips to school

> Establish a routine: papers or weekly reports are always sent home on Fridays.

> Notify parents that papers will be sent home regularly.

Forgets to put his name on papers

> Tape a small cue card on his desk that states what to do: 1) write name on paper, 2) turn in homework.

> Give the student stick-on name labels.

> Have row captains check for names on all papers that are handed in.

For Teachers: Read These Next

9 Things I Wish the World Knew About My Students’ ADHD

A Teacher’s Guide to NVLD: How to Support Students with Nonverbal Learning Disability

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A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

Child Not Doing Homework? Read This Before You Try Anything Else

by Tanith Carey . (This article is part of the Be Positive series. Get free article updates here .)

Instead, Lily had just scribbled all over her homework worksheet, thrown her pencil on the floor and was now yelling at the top of her voice: “ I hate Math! I suck at it!”

With my younger daughter to put to bed, Lily in a melt down and me exhausted after a day at work, the tension was rapidly rising.

But even if I could calm ourselves down , there was no end in sight. Even if I could persuade her to finish her math homework, Lily still had the whole book reading to do.

So I was facing two choices –

Should I stand over her and insist that not doing homework was NOT an option?

Or should I tell her to put the books away, write a note to her teacher and just let her unwind and play in the lead up to bedtime?

Have you been there? What choice would you make?

The choice I would make now is very different to what my choice would have been a few years back.

Back then, I’d try to push through with a mixture of cajoling and prompting and assurances that she did know how to do her Math  really .

If that didn’t work then maybe in despair and frustration that she didn’t seem to want to try, I would have gotten angry and tried to explain how serious I was about this.

A Game of One-Upmanship

After all, what choice did I have? From the very early days in the private nursery she attended, I found myself surrounded by lots of other mothers locked into the same race to make their children the brightest and the best.

As Lily got older, I came to learn how insidiously contagious  pushy parenting is.

If one of the mothers spotted another parent with a Kumon Math folder, we all rushed to sign up too – for fear our children would get left behind.

Neurosis underpinned every conversation at the school gates – particularly as all of us were aiming to get our children into a small handful of selective private schools in the area.

Bit by bit, the parenting journey which had started off being so exciting and rewarding, was turning into a stressful game of one-upmanship .

But children are not products to be developed and put on show to reflect well on us.

Depending on what happens on the night, every child is conceived with a unique combination of genes which also maps out their strengths, weaknesses and personality traits before they are even born.

Lily may have been bred into a competitive hotbed. But as an innately modest and sensitive child, she decided she did not want to play.

The alarm bells started ringing in Grade Three when, after I personally made sure she turned in the best Space project, she won the prize. While I applauded uproariously from the sidelines, Lily, then seven, fled the room in tears and refused to accept the book token from the Head.

When she calmed down, she explained she hated us making a fuss. But what is just as likely is that she disliked the fact that her successes had become as much ours as hers. Even at that young age, no doubt she also realized that the more she succeeded, the more pressure she would be under to keep it up.

Over the next few years, the issues only deepened.

The Problem of Not Doing Homework

The increasing amounts of homework sent home by the school gradually turned our house into a war zone – with me as the drill sergeant.

Homework is one of the most common flash points between kids and parents – the crossroads at which academic endeavors meet parental expectations at close quarters – and behind closed doors.

Surveys have found that homework is the single biggest source of friction between children and parents. One survey found that forty percent of kids say they have cried during rows over it. Even that figure seems like a dramatic underestimate.

Yet more and more, it is recognized that homework undermines family time and eats into hours that should be spent on play or leisure.

A straightforward piece of work that would take a child twenty minutes at school can easily take four times as long at home with all the distractions and delaying tactics that go with it.

As a result, children get less sleep , go to bed later and feel more stressed .

Homework has even started to take over summer vacations.

Once, the long break was seen as a chance for children to have adventures, discover themselves and explore nature. Now the summer months are viewed as an extension of the academic year – a chance for kids to catch up or get ahead with workbooks and tutoring.

But ultimately homework abides by the law of diminishing returns.

Researchers at Duke University found that after a maximum of two hours of homework, any learning benefits rapidly start to drop off for high school students.

While some children will do everything to avoid doing it, at the extreme others will become perfectionists who have to be persuaded to go to bed. Some moms I spoke to had to bribe their children to do less!

Given the cloud of anxiety hovering over them, no wonder some of these children perceive education as stressful .

Pushed to the Brink

While all of us would say we love our children no matter what, unfortunately that’s not the message our kids hear. Instead, children become angry when they feel we are turning them into passive projects. Rather than feel like they are disappointing us, they disconnect. Early signs may be they become uncommunicative after school, stop looking parents in the eye, become secretive or avoidant.

But we need to remember that unhappy, stressed kids don’t learn.

Over the next few years, Lily’s insistence on not doing homework kept getting worse. To try and get to the bottom of it, my husband Anthony and I took her to see educational psychologist who found strong cognitive scores and no signs of learning difficulties.

But what the report did identify was how profoundly Lily’s self-worth had been affected .  Even though I had never once told her she should be top of the class, she still felt she had to be good at everything. If she couldn’t be, she didn’t think there was any point trying at all.

It was clear despite our best efforts to support her, Lily constantly felt criticized . She was becoming defensive and resentful.

Most serious of all, by claiming she couldn’t do her homework – when she could – she was testing if my love for her was conditional on her success.

I had to face up to the painful truth that unless I took immediate action – and killed off my inner Tiger Mom – my child and I were growing apart.

So for the sake of my daughter, I realized I had to change direction and take my foot off the gas .

When her tutor rang to tell me Lily needed a break, I was delighted to agree. Since then, I have let her focus on the subjects that really matter to her – art and music – and have let her decide what direction to take them in.

I also made a deliberate effort to spend time with Lily – just the two of us – so we can simply “be” together. Now instead of trips to the museums and classical concerts, we go for walks in the park and hot chocolates.

The Difficult Journey Back

To help her recognize and dismiss the voice that was bringing her down, I took her to see a Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach who teaches children strategies to untangle the persistent negative thoughts that undermine their self-belief – and replace them with positive ones.

Before we began, Jenny explained that Lily’s issues are not uncommon. As a teacher with 30 years’ experience, Jenny believes the growing pressure on children to perform from an early age is contributing to a general rise in learning anxiety. The youngest child she has helped was six .

It’s children like Lily, who don’t relish a contest, who are among the biggest casualties.

At home, some have been made to feel they are not good enough by parents or are intimidated by more academic sisters and brothers. Some may develop an inferiority complex simply because they are born into high-achieving families.

Once established, failure can also become self-reinforcing. Even when they get good marks, children like Lily still dwell on the pupil who got the higher one to support their negative views of their abilities, making it a self-perpetuating downward spiral.

It’s when children start to see this self-criticism as fact that the negative self-talk can start.

As she sat on the sofa, Jenny asked Lily if she had ever heard a nagging voice in her head that put her down. Lily looked surprised but answered that yes, she had. Asked who it was, my daughter replied: “It’s me, but the mean me.”

Asked to draw this character, Lily depicted an angry, disapproving female figure with her hands on her hips, with a mouth spouting the words “blah, blah, blah.” When asked to name her, Lily thought for a moment before coming up with the name Miss Trunch-Lily, so-called because the figure is half herself – and half the hectoring teacher from Roald Dahl’s Matilda.

Now that Miss Trunch-Lily had been nailed, Jenny and Lily agreed an easy way to deal with her would be to talk back and tell her “Stop it, you meanie” one hundred times.

But that would take a long time, so Lily and Jenny came up with a quicker solution; imagining a canon which would instantly send a shower of 60 candies into her mouth so she couldn’t say another word.

Next time Lily heard her nagging voice, all she had to do was press an imaginary button and her nemesis would be silenced.

In the months that followed, Lily seemed to relax. Gradually the procrastination about homework started to vanish – and Lily was much more likely to open her books after school and quietly get on with her homework.

A Fresh New Start

Instead my husband, my daughters and I went on long walks with our dog. We examined different types of seaweed and examined crabs in rock pools.

Back in the cottage, we sat around and read books that interested us. I let the children play upstairs for hours, not on their phones, but in long elaborate role-plays, without feeling the need to interrupt once.

I would wager that Lily and Clio learnt more about themselves – and what they are capable of – in a single week than in a whole semester at their schools where they hardly get a moment to stop and think.

Of course, for the child born with a go-getting personality, teaming up with turbo-charged parents can be a winning combination – to start with at least.

But as adults, we have to start asking – how high we can raise the bar before it’s too high for our children to jump?

After all, a bigger picture is also emerging : a rise in anxiety disorders, depression and self-harm among children who have grown up with this continual pressure – and the emergence of a generation who believe they are losers if they fail, they’ve never done enough if they win.

Even among children who succeed in this environment, educationalists are finding pushy parenting creates a drive towards perfectionism which can turn into self-criticism when these young people can’t live up to such high standards.

I’m happy that in the midst of this arms race to push our kids more and more, there are changes afoot. Around the world, parents and educators are drawing up a blue-print for an alternative.

Whether it’s slow parenting , minimalist parenting , free-range parenting – or the more bluntly named Calm the F*** Down parenting , there is recognition that we need to resist the impulse to constantly push and micro-manage.

As a mother to Lily, as well as my younger daughter, Clio, I’ve decided I don’t want to be a part of all those crushing burdens of expectations. I want to provide a relief from it.

Apart from the fact it makes children happier, it’s also so much more fun.

Now I love the fact that when Lily messes around in the kitchen making cupcakes, I no longer have to fight the urge to tell her to hurry up – and badger her to finish her homework.

Of course, not doing homework is not an option – but these days in our house the aim is to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. If a concept is not understood, I don’t pull my hair out trying to be the teacher and trying to play ‘catch-up’. If Lily, now 12, genuinely does not understand it, I write a note to the member of the staff to explain that it may need further explanation. It’s a simple system and is working perfectly fine for us.

I like it that when she comes home from school, and I ask her, ‘How are you?’ I really mean it.  It’s no longer code for: ‘What marks did you get today, darling?’ and I’m not thinking ‘Hurry up with your answer, so we can get on with your homework.’

Most of all I love the fact that I can finally appreciate Lily for the person she is now: a 12-year-old girl with an acerbic sense of humor who likes Snoopy, play-dates and kittens – and not for the person I once wanted her to be.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

For our quick contemplation questions today –

• Imagine meeting your child in 20 years times. Ask them to describe their childhood. Do they describe it as magical? Or do they look back on it as a race from one after school activity and homework project to the next?
• Ask yourself what do you want for your children? When you say you want your children to be happy, what has that come to mean to you?  If you really analyze it, has it drifted into being interpreted as professional success and financial acumen? Furthermore, have you come to judge success by a very narrow definition of traditional career achievement and earning power?
• Now check again. If you look around you, what do the happiest people you know have in common? Is it material goods, high-flying jobs and academic qualifications? Or is it emotional balance? If you approach the question another way, are the wealthiest people you know also the most satisfied with life?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

Spend some time sorting through any conflicts related to your kids not doing homework.

To start with, train your children in good habits and place time limits on how long homework should take from the start.

Ask the school how long a child should spend on each subject at night. Then you can help keep those limits in place by telling kids they can’t spend a minute more – or a minute less – than the allotted time.

Find the time of the day after school that works best for your child – either straight after arriving home or after a short break. Agree a start time every day so that the rule turns into a routine and there is less room for resistance and negotiation.

Don’t finish their homework for kids because you are desperate to get it off the evening’s to-do list. That will just mask the problem and get you dragged into a nightly conflict. Help them instead to take responsibility for their homework, while you provide guidance from the sidelines on an on-need basis.

About Tanith Carey

Award-winning parenting writer Tanith Carey is a mother-of-two who writes books which aim to address the most pressing issues for modern families – and how to build strong, resilient kids in today’s challenging world. Her latest book Taming the Tiger Parent: How to put your child's well-being first in a competitive world has been called a big picture book to ‘re-orientate our parenting’, ‘highly readable’ ‘well-researched’ and ‘ beautifully written’ by teachers, parents and professionals. The book has received global coverage from outlets ranging from the NBC Today Show to the New York Post to yahooparenting, the Guardian and dailymail.online. Her seventh book 'Girls Uninterrupted - A manual for raising courageous daughters' - will be published in February 2015.

December 22, 2014 at 9:14 am

This is interesting to me because it doesn’t match our experience at all. We are struggling with my daughter doing homework, but it’s more of an adolescent rebellion/lethargy thing.

My kids attend a Montessori school which generally does not assign homework. What homework they tend to get in the elementary levels is a packet of assorted reading and math that they have an entire week to do at whatever pace works for them. My son’s homework is optional and he always opts out. (He’s very busy at home drawing and playing piano and he’s already reading at a high school level in second grade, so we never worry about academics with him anyway.) But my oldest is in seventh grade and they are trying to transition the kids into what will happen in high school, and my daughter has balked at all the homework.

But we have never approached our kids’ homework as our responsibility. We are always available to help and answer questions, but I explain that I passed whatever grade they are in already, and this is their turn to learn and show what they know. It’s been much harder clamping down on my oldest and making sure she knows what the homework is and has it ready. I explained to her recently that I remember those rebellious feelings, but the only person she’s hurting is herself. She’s limiting her choices later by not doing homework. Her teachers care, but in the end it doesn’t impact them, either. It’s all on her. I also told her the worst case scenario is she ends up at the local high school by default instead of following her friends to better places, but that the local high school is good too, so it’s not the end of the world.

I actually worry when I read about other parents monitoring elements of their kids’ lives so much more closely than I do that I’m not doing enough, but my kids are smart and happy and kind and I think they will do fine in the world, so I suppose we will stick with what we are doing. Because all of us are getting some part of it wrong, regardless.

December 22, 2014 at 11:07 am

Thanks so much for sharing that perspective, Korinthia. I love your calm and collected approach to everything parenting, so I’m not entirely surprised with the way you approach home work 🙂 That said, in the circles I hang out, very few parents (if any) would be as calm about this as you are! I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that most of us are first generation immigrants and are quite fanatic about education…

Even among our friends, we are a bit of an extreme case. Our daughter goes to a private school. She’s had to do daily homework on weekdays (Mon – Thu) since Kinder. We did have some initial resistance, but it’s mostly a well-established habit now. When she comes home, we take a short break, and then she sits down for homework while I get dinner ready.

Most of the days, it happens without any issues. Some days, she tries to change the rules by wanting to play before homework. I understand her want to do that, but having come from a middle class family in a developing country, my perspective on this is very different. We are where we are, quite literally, due to the discipline we had in regards to education. That discipline is a very powerful thing and like many things the earlier you get it instilled the easier it is. I see it as my job to instill that discipline in my daughter. What she wants to do with it when she grows up is up to her. (In my own case, I’ve shelved a Ph.D to be a stay-at-home mom now and pursue what I really want to do. But that’s been possible only because my degree allowed me to get a high-paying job where I was able to save enough that I don’t have to worry about money for a few years. In those years, if I can find a way to earn a modest income from this site without selling my soul, great. If not, I’ll go back to my old job and repeat the cycle. It’s an amazing freedom to have!)

Anyway, so to me, it boils down to this: this is another case of the intricate balance we parents have to strike — we need to nudge our kids to reach their full potential, but without making it stressful and hopefully in a way that they actually enjoy the process. It’s not easy, and like you I wonder sometimes if I’m making the right choice. And here, I’ll defer to your wise words, because I can’t say it any better — my [daughter is] smart and happy and kind and I think will do fine in the world, so I suppose we will stick with what we are doing. Because all of us are getting some part of it wrong, regardless. 🙂

December 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

I’m endlessly fascinated with how many ways there are to do things as a family. And it’s always interesting to know what others think of as normal.

I guess for us it comes down to the idea that learning is important, but grades are not. I had a horribly unfair incident in college concerning a grade, and I remember my grandmother smiling and saying, “No one ever asks me what my GPA was.” And it’s true. MIT was threatening to withhold my brother’s Master’s Degree over a deadline on a signature he had nothing to do with, and he just shrugged it off and said, “They can’t take back what I learned.” (They did finally give him his degree, but he really didn’t care.) Grades don’t really mean much. A “B” for one student may be a mark of a lot of effort, and evidence of slacking off for another. I’m more interested in what my kids actually know.

I think that’s why Montessori has been such a good fit for us. They teach to the individual, they don’t give letter grades, and there is no sense of competition, only striving to learn more about the world. We know by comparison to other schools around the city that ours is one of the highest performing, so we feel confident that they are getting a good education, but it’s their education, not mine.

Maybe because I grew up in a family of artists? We were always busy, always making things and learning something new. That’s what I want for my kids. I like that they are never bored, and that they LOVE school. They love it. They pretend not to be sick when they have a cold just so they can go. I guess in my mind that’s what school should be. Someplace to be excited about.

December 22, 2014 at 4:54 pm

It is fascinating, isn’t it? I think the way we grow up, and what we have experienced, colors the lens through which we see the world.

I agree with you that at the end of the day, learning, and the love of learning, are more important than everything else.

I think differently about grades though. Grades to me, are a reflection of how well you can apply that learning. Knowledge by itself isn’t enough. You need to be able to apply it in some way – either to earn a living, or help make the world a better place, or whatever. For kids, getting good grades are a way to practice applying/expressing their knowledge… it’s a very narrow and imperfect way to do it, but it’s what we have, nevertheless.

And, I look at absolute grades… not relative ones. In other words, I don’t care how many other kids did better or worse than her in any given test… I’m interested mainly in what she did or didn’t do well.

Just like us, she will sometimes be successful in applying that knowledge. Sometimes, not as much. The question then is, what can I do to help her better retain what she has learnt and apply it more effectively?

Now, if her grades aren’t good because of something outside her control, she is off the hook. If not, we hold her accountable, and work on it together to try and figure out what she can change/improve to do better next time.

So far, this seems to have worked and I haven’t beat the joy of learning out of her, yet 🙂 But, we’re still at the beginning of her learning journey… we’ll have to see what happens as we go along and things get more demanding and more complex…

PS: This is one of the more interesting discussions I’ve had on this blog in a while — Thank you! 🙂

December 23, 2014 at 4:10 am

Thanks for the very considered and calm discussion of this issue that is happening here. This piece is not about Lily so much as it is about how great it can be when we parents discard our baggage and come to our children afresh. My book Taming the Tiger Parent has been called ‘a book to re-orientate’ parenting – and really it is about one thing: Finding empathy and connection with our children without letting the world (which does not always want the best for our kids) to get in the way. Please share so that we get other parents have the confidence to do the same – and enjoy their parenting more..(and that’s just the adults!)

December 23, 2014 at 12:25 pm

Sumitha, I’m probably biased about grades because my own history with them has been so unrepresentative, and I think people place too much stock in them. In my kids’ school they work on preparing a portfolio of all kinds of work rather than relying on letter grades, and that works better for us. But as far as using grades simply as a barometer of whether a child is taking care of responsibilities that seems completely reasonable.

That’s one of the discussions I’m continually having with my daughter at the moment, that she needs to provide evidence for her teachers that she’s done the work. She feels the magic of a book, for instance, is marred by her picking it apart for an analysis. She’ll read the book, and she’s a good writer, but she resents the type of work assigned about it and sometimes won’t do it. (I used to do the same thing, so I get it.) I tell her she just has to pick her consequence. She can either suck it up and do the work, challenge the work by coming up with a different assignment that maybe meets the same criteria the teachers are interested in, or not do it. The first two improve her report card, and the third hurts it. The report card is a means to more choices about her future. (As her mom, I’m actually just happy she read and loved the book.)

In the end, I’m not worried. For her, bad grades at a good school are probably worth more than good grades at a bad school, and she will still have more choices than the average child. Wherever she ends up she will make it work, but that’s up to her.

I acknowledge we are in a privileged position, because she’s got enough talent and charm and resources and family that she will not starve, she will not be homeless, regardless of grades. I think the real key to success is figuring out your passion if you can, so you know what you’re working toward. As soon as she figures that out I’m convinced she has the skills and discipline to build a good life for herself. I did. (And my report cards would have given you a panic attack!)

December 23, 2014 at 9:24 pm

I have to agree with you and your daughter about the book reports — we did our first one a few weeks back, and it was decidedly much more unpleasant compared to just reading and enjoying the book!

Good luck convincing your daughter to pick one of the first two consequences. But it is clear that even if she picks the third you’ll take it in your stride — which is what I find so admirable about you 🙂

December 25, 2014 at 8:11 am

Such an interesting discussion, thank you!

One more piece to toss in there if you have time for it: http://www.thestrad.com/cpt-latests/bribery-used-motivation-practice/

I know it’s an article about practicing music, but it’s the same idea about grades as a reward, and how that backfires.

I think for me it’s not that grades are not important, it’s that they should reflect something real. If my kids are learning and working hard, the grades will follow. But their focus should always be on their education, not their grades.

December 25, 2014 at 5:04 pm

That is particularly true in music where racing from one music grade to the next, as kids do here, can destroy enjoyment of music for its own sake – and that is a very sad. It just becomes about teaching to the test. In my view children should have music as another language – and another outlet for emotion, not just as a way to build CVs

December 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

Well said. Couldn’t agree more.

December 26, 2014 at 8:37 am

@Korinthia, sorry for the late reply — busy with the holidays.

Love that article you pointed to. Some time back, I came across several articles by Alfie Kohn and got very confused about this whole rewards thingie. At that point I was just starting to move away from threats, punishment and screaming, and thought I was doing good by using rewards and positive reinforcement instead, and Kohn’s articles turned that notion on it’s head.

Things eventually started to fall in place when I read the “Power of Habits” by Charles Duhigg.

My very unsubstantiated, unproven, non-scientific conclusion (which I wrote about here ) is based on this observation mentioned in that article — Kohn and his colleagues would admit that rewards, bribes and praise do indeed work in the short term — and Chales Duhigg’s observations that once a habit is formed, you can remove the reward completely from the habit loop and the habit will continue.

So in my opinion, if you use rewards as a way to establish a habit and not as the end result, they still have a place.

In the case of grades for instance, grades are a way to get into a consistent study habit which is — pay attention in class, learn what the teacher is teaching, review at home if necessary, let’s talk about it as much as you want or you can look things up in books/Net, apply in a test. At 1st grade it’s very hard to make learning *all* subjects fun, but a habit like this will apply to all subjects universally. Grades are a great way to get that habit started initially — they are tangible and there is recognition. As we go on, we focus the message on the learning — for instance, like me, grammar was not my daughters favorite subject. By looking at the test results and saying “Hey, you did well in your grammar test. You’re learning a lot for a first grader! What is this you’ve done here? Diagramming? We never did that in India. Will you teach me how to diagram a sentence?” implicitly acknowledges the grade on that test, but the grade isn’t the focus. When she draws on her white board and teaches me how to diagram a sentence, there is pride and joy in her and now she is a lot more interested in grammar.

I am not a music person (I know, sorry :)) but I would think that using a reward to get a child to practice until the child’s first performance isn’t a bad idea. Once the child performs in front of an audience, and enjoys that sense of accomplishment, the practice habit will likely carry through, even if you remove whatever temporary reward you used. If the child has an inclination towards music, they will learn to enjoy the practicing part of it too as they go along — it’s just a matter of getting them to do it for long enough to recognize that.

December 26, 2014 at 8:54 am

@Korinthia, I’m still thinking about it 🙂

The latest discussion reminded me about the marble jar experiment you shared on your blog some time back ( here ). At first your kids may have done the chores to earn those marbles to get the screen time or other things (rewards). But once the system (habit) was established, the marbles (or the things they could buy) is not necessarily a motivator to do the chores… it is “just how things are done” — a simple habit/system that removes the need for verbal negotiation, arguing, reminders, cajoling, power struggles etc from the picture and hence makes what needs to be done tolerable/fun for everyone involved.

December 27, 2014 at 3:48 am

To be honest on music, I think you also know your child is playing the right instrument when they do want to practice. I know that sounds idealistic but they will be much drawn towards that instrument if it’s the one that lights their ‘spark.’ Lily and Clio both do play the violin to a very high level – but as I explain in my book, that doesn’t mean I have had been to be an Amy Chau tiger parent to get to them point. Also music has become a way of life in our house, and they play music together, which helps.

January 2, 2015 at 9:19 am

(Sorry to keep this discussion dragging on forever, but it’s the kind of thing I really enjoy!)

Sumitha, I agree about using some rewards for forming habits. When my kids first started violin we got into a routine of combining practice with dessert. We don’t often have dessert, but to get them in a habit of practicing after dinner they would get marshmallows for each little thing they played. Then just at the end of the practicing. Then not at all and they didn’t notice. They were four and six at the time and that helped because it was easier to catch their attention with marshmallows than with some abstract sense of musical improvement, which on violin is painfully slow.

The hardest part about teaching beginning violin is to keep students essentially distracted from the fact that they don’t sound like anything for a long, long time, while they put in the necessary work that will improve how they sound. I used to use small stickers with my students to mark when songs were done, but it wasn’t much of a reward. My kids’ violin teacher uses toys and candy as incentives week to week, and I can see how it backfires. It takes the focus off the work and onto the treat, and not getting the treat feels like punishment. My son’s piano teacher doesn’t even use stickers–just checks things off so he knows not to keep working on them, and that’s working much better, but there is a lot more instant gratification to piano than there is to violin.

In terms of grades, we just view them differently. They tell such an incomplete story that they don’t interest me much. You know a little something if a kid gets all good grades vs. all bad grades, but beyond that, nothing useful. When I was in 7th grade I had a notoriously sexist shop teacher who would NOT give a girl an A in mechanical drawing. I know my first drawing in that class was better than the boy’s sitting next to me, but he got all A’s. I complained to my mom who told me when she was in college absolutely no woman could get an A in her advertising class, and she was far and away the best artist there. (Also, some agencies flat out did not hire women, which still blows my mind.) I got alternating A’s and failing grades in reading in 6th grade based purely on whether I handed in the assignments. The quality of the writing didn’t matter to the teacher. Would you rather hire a writer who writes well, or one who writes poorly but always meets deadlines? Depends on the need.

When I think about grades I always think about the valedictorian from my brothers’ high school class. One of my brothers spent his senior year at USC. He was second in his class because he got a B in one of those college courses. Number one? A girl who spent all of her high school experience striving for perfect grades. Her brother was the valedictorian of my class, and she felt she had to match that. It was expected. So she took courses purely based on what she could get an A in. She did not risk taking physics, or calculus. She avoided English and History classes taught by the more challenging teachers. She wasted her chance at an interesting education so she could say she was valedictorian. For myself as a parent, that would not make me proud at all. If as a family we were disadvantaged and that status would provide important opportunities my child wouldn’t otherwise get, then sure, that would be a worthy (if distorted) goal. It’s all relative, and again, every family is different.

Tanith, I agree that kids have to play an instrument that speaks to them. I wish more parents knew that. I had a sample lesson once with a really hostile boy who had a ton of talent and ability, and his mom was making him play. I asked him what he would rather do, and he wanted to play guitar. I told his mom I thought he should switch (or even just add it) because violin brought him no joy. At it’s core, music should be about joy. His mom had a sense of “violin is better” and it was a status thing for her. She was shocked I suggest he be allowed to play guitar and said, “You think guitar is okay?” I told her there was nothing wrong with guitar, and if he liked what he was playing he would do better and enjoy it more. Glad your children like playing violin! One of my projects for the new year is to start building a full size one for my oldest and have her help. (Not many kids get to play a violin they literally had a hand in making, so that should be fun!)

January 2, 2015 at 11:02 am

I love this discussion, too Korinthia! Thank you so much for it. Both writing about it, and reading your’s and Tanith’s points of view has been great for me for sorting through what I want/stand for, in terms of grades, homework etc. for my daughter. With our choice to send her to a private school, these are a part of our everyday life and being more clear about it sure helps!

Your words “If as a family we were disadvantaged and that status would provide important opportunities my child wouldn’t otherwise get, then sure, that would be a worthy (if distorted) goal.” — this describes my life quite literally. While I can see your perspective on grades and it makes a ton of sense, it is hard for me to actually be that cool about it, simply because I am where I am because of the grades, degrees etc (I had written a guest post a while ago that may provide some background here – on money and happiness ). Even though grades/degrees haven’t brought anything of real substance to my life, they nevertheless are the tickets that opened a lot of doors for us and so I simply can’t bring myself to totally break free from them — but I am happy that through these discussions, I am broadening my perspective a bit and hopefully my daughter will benefit from it!

About music, most Asian kids end up in piano classes by default, but my daughter didn’t quite show any interest in a play keyboard she had as a kid which I took as an indication that it’s not her “thing”. I’ve talked to her a couple of times about guitar classes — while she shows interest in it for the novelty of it, she didn’t pounce on it like when I mentioned art class. A lot of my friends argue that kids can doodle and paint at home and there’s no need to spend on classes, and that money is better spent on music so we can introduce something ‘new’ to our kids. I see that point, but I am a believer of the 10,000 hour rule and if she loves art, and doodling, I’d rather pay for her to just take classes in that and hone that craft. Again, no idea if that is a good choice or if it will come back to bite me in the future… we’ll see 🙂

December 23, 2014 at 6:54 am

I really like what you have to say. It converges well with what I have said in my book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.

December 23, 2014 at 8:41 am

Thanks for sharing that, Dr. Goldberg. Sounds like an interesting book. I will try to grab a copy of it.

December 24, 2014 at 3:51 am

Thanks Dr Goldberg. I will be definitely checking out your book and sharing it. I think it’s so important that writers in this area band together so others can see there there’s a strong movement forming, questioning where the current educational ethos is leading us.

November 20, 2019 at 7:28 pm

January 2, 2018 at 10:44 am

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October 17, 2018 at 1:18 pm

So what was the title of this BOOK I didn’t read !?!? Guess I overlooked it !!! Just look for a few good pointers not a book to read !!!

May 15, 2020 at 9:36 pm

Thank you SO much for these words….

December 22, 2014 at 10:12 am

Ooh Tanith, excellent article, thank you for sharing this with Sumitha and the rest of us. It was more than I expected. At first I thought, “Well, my kid doesn’t really have issues too much with homework . . . but I’ll look it over.” Very glad I did, it’s much more than homework!

Yes, the delays and distractions, that’s what I have here with my 9 year old. Despite our questions to the school, we never got a complete answer as to how kids were “sorted” each year into what class. Turns out they did it by testing scores and not the “mix-up” of kids to juggle things up from year to year as I was originally told years ago. Of course this created a bit of hurt pride and friction about the subject with my husband and I towards the school as we of course thought our child should be in with the other kids. Even now, with a friend’s child being in the other class, there is a pressure for our own child to do better, push harder, get into that class. Luckily my husband is more level-headed about it than me and this article gave me a good wake-up call. The amount of work they had was more than her class and gave me some concern as to whether she was learning enough. Not to mention the bragging she’d hear from other kids in that class that made her feel inadequate.

Not every child is going to be the next Einstein and we know our daughter is a smart girl but has a stronger pull, like your Lily, toward art and other subjects. We have to enhance their skills and passions and not just push, push, push for the grades and I feel I was like you as well, nervous with the report card. I was proud of her but wanted her to do better but my husband would say, she’s done well, you can’t compare her to so and so and I couldn’t and shouldn’t have. It hit home quickly last year when at the end of the school year, she had two awards and was so happy and I saw a few grades and felt a bit disappointed. I could see it took the wind out of her little sails and I told myself to get my act together and stop it. There was the summer project already spread out on the last day of school, which is a bit discouraging as not all schools do it and it’s a yearly thing for us but we took it in stride.

It also made me wonder about kids that are pushed, some take it out in frustrations and others, it seems to us, do the opposite and just push themselves to the point that they even feel that’s what matters most and I feel sorry for them. I wonder if that bragging isn’t covering up insecurities or worries.

I was worried about her starting to read as a preschooler when I found out one of the teacher’s kids was particularly gifted and rolling along at a very fast rate. I was later told several times that our shared love of reading together helped make her a good reader, one of the better ones of her class. When I took the pressure off of making her read, when often she didn’t feel like it, other than sitting with me while I read, it was more enjoyable and her reading progressed along just fine. Last year it was math that was the issue and now she’s doing very well in math but her language/vocabulary aren’t what they were. A cycle of some kind, who knows but we work on what needs tending to and I try not to push her to where she feels there is nothing else. She still needs that down time, that play time, enough sleep for certain and a chance to be a kid still, she is one, after all.

We have an allotted time for homework and I contact her teacher if something is a problem. I don’t help her like I used to but guide her and she takes pride in her work and getting her corrections done in school with the teacher.

Parenting is an everyday learning course. Obviously this article hit home, thank you. I look forward to more of your work Tanith and thank you as always Sumitha. A blessed holiday season to you both and a break that’s filled with fun and not work!

December 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

Thank you so much for sharing that, Bernadette. There’s nothing like listening to stories from other parents and finding that common thread to feel normal again 🙂

We have the opposite combination in our house – my husband’s really fanatic about how my daughter does in school, while I am a little more level-headed.

I think the biggest eye opener for me were these words from Tanith – “for the child born with a go-getting personality, teaming up with turbo-charged parents can be a winning combination – to start with at least. But as adults, we have to start asking – how high we can raise the bar before it’s too high for our children to jump?” Our daughter has a very competitive streak, and at first it did look like my husband pushing her to be the best was really a good combination. But then she messed up one test and the fall out was beyond ridiculous. I couldn’t believe my husband’s (over) reaction or that overnight, my daughter was turning into a liar right before our very eyes. Where she thrived on competition before, she started to make excuses and make up stories. I had to put my foot down and set some explicit house rules about what is acceptable and what is not, on both their parts. It took a while but we have a working system now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that we can nourish her strong natural tendency to try to be the best and the joy she gets from accomplishing things, without letting it take over or be the only thing! Like Korinthia said above, it is almost guaranteed that we won’t get it all right all the time… the key is to do the best we can, and like you said, keep on learning!

December 23, 2014 at 4:17 am

Dear Bernadette. I think you hit on a very interesting point here. “It also made me wonder about kids that are pushed, some take it out in frustrations and others.” I have been exploring this point because I believe that one of the unacknowledged knock-on effects of competitive parenting is sibling rows and tension. The children don’t just compete to win in the outside world – they do it at home too, leading to many more squabbles and less happy home. My girls Lily and Clio, for example, have never got on better – they collaborate and help each other with music, homework etc Yet I hear other parents proudly trumpet how they have children dead set on beating each other as if they was making them excel further. Instead is sets up a template that I believe can ruin sibling relationships into adulthood Another reason to take the foot of the gas….

December 22, 2014 at 11:24 pm

Really liked the article. Parenting is like walking on a razor’s edge and very rightly said, ‘all of us are getting parts of it wrong’…. Regardless :)..

Stay happy, keep the kid happy and let them be!

December 23, 2014 at 4:18 am

Thanks Anshu. Please share if you can to give other parents the confidence to take their foot off the gas!

December 23, 2014 at 8:42 am

Thanks Dr. Anshu. Stay happy, keep the kid happy and let them be! — that’s a great mantra to live by 🙂

February 8, 2016 at 7:38 pm

This could not polbsisy have been more helpful!

February 21, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Great. I am so pleased you found it constructive.

February 21, 2016 at 6:47 pm

Encourage him to express his opinion, talk about his feelings, and make choices. Show enthusiasm for your child’s interests and encourage her to explore subjects that fascinate her. Provide him with play opportunities that support different kinds of learning styles — from listening and visual learning to sorting and sequencing. Ask about what he’s learning in school, not about his grades or test scores. Thanks!

February 21, 2016 at 6:53 pm

‘Ask about what he’s learning in school, not about his grades or test scores.’ Exactly

February 23, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Tanith Carey,

I agree with you because it can be hurt child mind. Rest other motivation way very good from Evelyn W. Minnick. Also, I have written a blog for helping kids and it’s related to this article. “Best Ways to Get Your Kids to Do Homework Without All the Drama” To read this article visit at http://universityhomeworkhelp.com/best-ways-to-get-your-kids-to-do-homework-without-all-the-drama/

I hope my answer will help more readers of this article.

Thanks Nancie L Beckett

February 25, 2016 at 5:05 pm

This is a great article with lots of quality information about handling homework with kids. I’m a Tutor, you don’t believe “My kid Refuses to Do Homework Assignment.” After lots of research I got a solution, but it takes time. So I’m sharing with you.

Here’s How to Stop the Struggle:-

1. Try to stay calm 2. Set clear expectation around homework time and responsibilities. 3. Play the parental role most useful to your child. 4. Keep activities similar with all your kids. 5. Start early and Offer empathy and support. 6. Use positive reinforcement and incentives.

I used those. Meanwhile, I have written a blog about “How to Make Studying Less Stressful and More Fun?” visit at https://www.24x7homeworkhelp.com/blog/how-to-make-studies-less-stressful-and-more-fun/

Let me know if you have questions

Thanks Arlene B. Morgan

April 14, 2016 at 9:52 am

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August 2, 2016 at 3:46 am

The reality is that every kid is different and what works for one child may not work for another, even with kids in the same family. When our children were small, our goal was to make the actual work process and homework help as pleasant as possible. This was most commonly accomplished by placing a fuzzy, lazy cat on the lap of the student. Very few children (or adults for that matter) will rise from their chairs when there’s a cat sleeping on their lap. The cat also provides company without interfering with the actual thinking process.

September 21, 2016 at 2:47 pm

Very helpful information, my son who is 7 is not the biggest fan of homework. It does depend on the evening and last night was a doozy! He usually has Math every second day which is a review sheet from what they did in class. He acts out, lack of focus, complains that he is tired etc.

Last school year after Spring Break I had finally had enough, and decided homework would get done on my terms, I wanted my happy go lucky son back, so some nights we did not do homework, knowing that on nights that we did there would be more. That seemed to work.

This year my husband and I are working harder with our son, as he struggles with reading and writing. He is in Grade 2, but not at a Grade 2 level, we have support from his teacher, but last night when he was kicking up a fuss about Math, which he does well with I wondered if the subject he struggles with is the cause of the fuss. He even refused to read last night.

We know he feels like we are always working on learning, and we feel the same, but at the same time want to do what we can to support his learning development. I feel helpless at times, as I know he is aware that he struggles, especially when he says things like “I can’t read Mommy”. I try and keep it positive and that there are things that everyone struggles with, and we have to practice to get better.

I am always searching different ways to aid with his learning that will keep him engaged.

I know I rambled….

March 31, 2017 at 10:41 am

>>Of course, not doing homework is not an option – but these days in our house the aim is to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. Well, I have to disagree with you, kids in Finland do not do homework and their schools simply gave up giving their students homeworks and nothing happened, Finland is still on first levels of education ladders. So it’s optional for everyone , however if it is not optional for you child you can always ask other people for math homework help or chemistry homework help.

April 6, 2017 at 12:09 pm

This article was helpful. While I don’t push my kid to be perfect or ask how other kids did compared to her I constantly get push back from my child with anything she doesn’t want to do. It can be very frustrating. She doesn’t like my input on solving problems at all so I have to just back off or deal with her covering her ears and tuning me out.

She fortunately listens to her teacher, but if she gets tired of something, she loves to tune people out. She is 7 now and has been this way since she was about 4. Example, she got tired of listening to her swim instructor at age 4 and would submerge herself under water so she didn’t have to listen. She is a CHALLENGE and if you give her the option to slack off with work she will do it. Not quite sure how to even go about it. She could care less if she got no credit for missing work. To her, it’s no consequence so it’s been difficult to figure out a workaround with her. She isn’t a spoiled child and if you took the few things she does have away from her, she is fine with that. I don’t like threatening to take things away though. I feel it solves nothing. Challenging!

November 4, 2017 at 9:59 am

Any advice for people who aren’t wealthy? The amount of time and money required for your solutions are absolutely not available to the vast majority of Americans. Neuro linguistic training and private schools? Impossible for all but a few. Most of us are *not* in some insane competition with other parents to push our kids into Harvard by starting waiting lists for preschool. Most of us just want our kids to be able to take care of themselves someday and be successful enough to be happy. Not doing homework is a problem for most kids, rich or poor, competitive or not, regardless of personality, regardless of parenting. This advice is about your child at all. It’s about what you did to your child and then had to undo. Not all kids have been conditioned to internalize the overbearing voice of their type A parents. Some just don’t want to do homework.

November 6, 2017 at 2:42 am

Thank you for this article. Wow, I relate so much to this article. I struggle with my 11 yr old to do homework. She’s exactly like Lily, a soon as she starts doing homework she calls for my help that she doesn’t understand. She’s very bright and learns right away, but I do see she’s stressing. She feels that she’s too slow and takes to long to finish her homework. I know is me without realizing I am pressuring her too much. I must change.

I’m going to change our schedule. I just realized that I didn’t make enough quality time. I need to change that and not pressure my princess about homework.

Thank you so much.

December 23, 2017 at 11:14 pm

Hi folks! My son is older, in 10th grade, and thus it is a very delicate time. That said, up until recently, he was working hard but generally doing well in Honors classes, AP Biology, and AP US History. He is also in band and very intererested in Congressional Debate in Forensics Club. He’s developed a forceful personality, and pursues his goals fearlessly.

Then, it seems a single English research paper broke the camel’s back. It was a walk-thru project: Do basic step A, use A to do 3 days of research in the library, identify a list of relevant quotes, analyze the quotes, develop a rough draft, etc. During the first stages, he always had a reason why it wasn’t done. The grading structure required every step to be completed before the next step started. So, he sat. Supposedly, he had a paper step written in Google Docs…but now he doesn’t remember the “dashed off” name (“stuff2958749.doc”, for example) so he considers that..and the previous steps useless. Why do I need to do this stuff, when I can just write the paper? Why?

My wife is an experienced special educator, and the teacher is engaged and working with us to give our son more options. Still, he pushes back. We’ve done so far as to negotiate him just working on the rough draft, and accepting the zeros on the skipped stages. Somehow, that devolved into him retreating into his room, slamming his door. He has proposed that the teacher “simply” nullify the assignment without a set of grades. If we accept this multiple zero, it will possibly wreck his entire class, possibly causing him to fail 10th grade English. In NJ, that means you don’t move forward to 11th grade.

I’ve had a couple of long discussions with him, away from his mother. He mentions a desire for a more intense structure. He references his stay at an advanced debate camp, where he engaged with other students…who were attending very expensive private schools. “One you see the outside world, you can never be satisfied with being trapped indoors”…he has restated this concept in multiple ways. These schools are beyond our reach financially, and in any case, they aren’t an option in the middle of a school year. And it is unlikely that he’d be accepted, if he wrecks his class grades.

Part of this scenario seems to be a desire to force us to engage with him, in an attempt to work around the school structure. He does have an IEP and 504, which in middle school once allowed him to work independently. Somehow, he thinks that is an option in 10th grade honors English.

Engaging is a real challenge. He’s confident in his ability to argue, and is fully willing to ignore our facts and predictions of fallout. He even discredits his mother’s deep educational knowledge and experience, and then criticizes my perceived lack of business success as ad hominem attacks. (I’m doing fine, but it forces me to defend, and thus is successful distraction.) So far, laying out consequences has been entirely ineffectual. He requires an answer to his “Why?”, but disregards the answers as inadequate. He demands an academic answer to why the teaching technique (the walk-thru research paper) is required or effectual, then derides it as “not a real answer”.

It ends up with a closed door.

The teacher is running out of patience, and we’re running out of ideas. I don’t think the teacher is even allowed to give more that she’s allowing, and might be bending the rules as-is. Our son spent 2 hours with counselors….not guidance counselors…counselors…giving them the same run-around. I think they (2 of them at the same time) gave their best, but they fell back to asking what he wanted: more time maybe?

I’ve read other sources. I see that a full-on psych eval was recommended. At this point, I’m fine with that if it helps. I suspect we’d need to get our son to buy into it. But would that still result in his English grade cratering? Are we risking a cascade failure into other classes?

It’s a very delicate time, and this scenario is not an easy one. I’d like to have simple, pat answer: he’s looking for attention; he’s stressed out over the sheer amount of work; he’s frustrated at the forced slowness of the curriculum; the class is group and can’t move at an accelerated speed (ans: it’s Honors.). But I’m guessing it’s more complex that 1 root-cause.

Given this, I’d not mind some considered advice. Thanks!

May 28, 2018 at 9:19 pm

O my, I do get this. My son pushes back a lot these days, partly the teen and hormones? Right now we are working with setting boundaries, coping with meltdowns and spending time each day bonding over something other than work. It’s horrible to have to walk on eggshells and think you cannot just talk to your kid and resolve something…so simple. My heart goes out to you. A lot of listening is required, and prayers. And in the end, we let him slow things down by an entire year. Take care!

March 17, 2018 at 3:48 pm

Oh my land, thank you for this. I found it today when my kid dissolved into tears after she dragged her homework on for 4 hours on a Saturday, while I nagged her and then snapped at her.

I left the room, googled “child won’t do homework”, found this and read it, went back into the room, hugged her and asked her if trying to make her homework perfect was slowing her down. She said yes, then we talked about that, and her inner critic, and what she could do about that awful little critical voice in her head.

Amazing – thank you.

May 28, 2018 at 5:06 pm

Just found your comment. So pleased it helped.

July 13, 2018 at 8:57 am

I think that if the child does not want to do homework, then everything is fine. I still do not know a single child who would like to do homework. I read the article that homework kills creativity, and I quite agree with that. After all, the child instead of spending time for something really interesting, should do boring homework. When I have a son, I will allow him not to do homework, but in exchange I will tell him that he must be interested in something that really will benefit him in development. Thank you for this article!

October 31, 2018 at 1:07 am

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November 12, 2018 at 3:23 am

I am brother of a 12 year old boy studying in seventh grade.I find him not getting interested in studying or doing homework after coming home from school.He is worried more about video games and TV.He get to do his home works only after continuous pressure from parents.He is very attentive,obedient and performs well in school.But at home , he says he need to rest from studies. I hope this tips will help him to get more involved in studies!

December 7, 2018 at 3:16 pm

The issue is process vs. results. By letting your daughter skimp on her homework, she’s going to pick up bad habits … such as doing what she wants to do instead of taking care of her responsibilities. We teach “Work hard, then play hard” in our home. Our goals are process-oriented, like show up for class and turn in your homework, rather than results-oriented, like why don’t you have an A in this class. By teaching our children to work, even when they don’t feel like it sometimes, they can build a foundation of responsibility that will “result” in a more successful, well-rounded experience. Some kids may be different … they may be given all the freedom you are preaching turn that into tremendous happiness. But I’ll build my foundation on discipline, and my children will earn their self-worth by taking care of their responsibilities … not throwing a fit until an authority finally gives in.

April 18, 2019 at 6:22 am

This is good

April 25, 2019 at 3:11 am

Thank you for sharing this article, you are very interesting to write, your blog is really interesting to read!

June 24, 2019 at 6:44 pm

This is really good and helpful. Thanks for sharing this article. 🙏

August 10, 2019 at 1:57 am

I think that the real reasons why the child does not do their homework can be very many of them all of their parents will never know. The main thing is to be able to find a common language in your child!

October 16, 2019 at 6:37 am

I have to agree with you and your daughter about the book reports — we did our first one a few weeks back, and it was decidedly much more unpleasant compared to just reading and enjoying the book!

October 20, 2019 at 1:04 pm

Children do not do their homework because they watch a lot of TV shows and play on the phone.

October 23, 2019 at 3:35 am

All parents want their children to be successful, successful and happy. Schooling is one of the important components of a child’s life. The school will be the main part of its reality for 8-10 years. Therefore, the baby needs to help adapt, feel comfortable and learn how to succeed

February 22, 2020 at 1:00 pm

nice tips, I hope it will help

February 22, 2020 at 11:50 pm

April 8, 2020 at 3:15 am

Anaerobic exercise, on the other hand, is where that max effort comes into play. It’s another form of cardio in which you should only be able to sustain activity for about 30 seconds before you need a break. It should feel pretty difficult for you to catch your breath while you’re doing this type of training (anaerobic meaning “the absence of oxygen”). Explosive exercises like plyometrics, sprinting, and even heavy weightlifting are all examples of anaerobic exercise. “The body uses phosphocreatine and carbohydrates as fuel [for anaerobic exercise] because they can be broken down rapidly,” Olson explains. “Fats take too long to break down as an energy source.”

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January 29, 2021 at 6:04 am

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February 25, 2021 at 6:06 am

Thank you for the article. This is a really powerful method. I don’t know what I would do without him. Homework and children are created in different universes, I think. Thank you for the blog, I will follow you.

December 27, 2023 at 6:12 am

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt journey. It resonates with many parents striving to find the right balance between academic expectations and their child’s happiness. How do you navigate the delicate task of encouraging achievement without overwhelming your child? #ParentingInsights

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Why don't kids turn in work?

Title says it all. No matter what you do, whether it's not assigning homework, giving copious amounts of in class work time, you name it. Kids just don't seem to want to turn anything in, especially when it matters.

I'm grading right now and it's just frustrating beyond all belief the amounts of kids that don't try.

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How do you deal with kids not turning in homework?

Discussion in ' Early Childhood Education Archives ' started by Peachyness , Nov 10, 2006 .

Peachyness Virtuoso

Nov 10, 2006

I send home a weekly homework pack. They go home on Mondays and come back on Fridays. When they come back on Fridays, I go through the packs, put a stamp on the cover page, and put a check on my homework log. Now, I have kids, every now and then who won't turn in their homework. Sometimes they'll bring them in the next Monday. That's fine. But, I'm working on report cards right now and I'm wondering that I definately could have done more to inform parnents about missing homework. Problem is, I can imagine them saying to me "We lost it. Can you get me another one?" I don't have time to go through all homework packs and make copies for the children who diddn't turn them in. This happend last year, which is why I was hesietent to let them know this year. It's not a major problem, but it's just a homework pack here and there. Also, each homework pack equals about 10 homework assingments. So, if one's missing, it looks like a lot is missing. So, what do you guys do? I'm trying to make my life and my parents life as easy as possible.  

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czacza Multitudinous

My homework pack is sent home Monday but I check that each day' work is done every day. On Friday the kids must turn it in. If they don't do homework, I put a note in their folder to make up the missing work that evening. If the pack is missing on Friday I send a note in their Friday folder about the missing pack. On any day that HW is missing kids must sign my missing hw book. They can check their name off when they bring it in (hopefully the next day) but at least I have a record for when it is report card/conference time of how many hw were missed by each kiddo.  

mrsammieb Devotee

Right now, I don't do anything. It is more the parents than the kids I think. But I want to teach them responsibility but most of my activities require guidance from an adult. They are the ones who aren't responsible.  

Check homework daily and include a little 'parent initial' spot on each day's work for parents to sign.  

Right, I don't hold the kids accountable. My homework packs require parents assistents as their are games and stuff, but I like the idea of including a little note in their folder. Do parents ever ask you to give them a new pack if they lost it?? I do have an area where parents sign, but that's when it's all completed. The reason why I do a weekly pack is so that I don't have to check homework on a daily basis. I don't have an aide and it's just to make my life easier.  

Rosieo Enthusiast

On our report cards there is a area that says "Completes and returns homework on time." I certainly do mark the appropriate grade there. We use 1, 2, 3, & 4's in this area. 1- Always, 2 - Frequently, 3- Sometimes, 4 - Needs Improvement. I do not hesitate to give out 3's and 4's if that is what they deserve. The parents need to start teaching their children about responsibility early.  

Right, on my report cards we actually write the number of homework assigned and how much was returned. Most of my kids are fine, but I also have some who are missing some. When parents get the report cards, I know some will think, "well, why didn't she tell us that he was missing so many!" Becauase I hav 19 other kids, assessments, interventions to do, lesson plans to prepare, paper work to fill out, an observation to get ready for, etc, etc, etc.  

cutNglue Magnifico

Nov 11, 2006

If it hasn't been too long, don't sweat it, but I had a teacher wait 6 months to tell me my child missed 90% of his homework. I was pretty burned up. I wasn't getting any notices, I was looking at and signing my child's log book, and my child was telling me they don't get much homework in that class. I didn't know. 6 months. Nothing on his reportcard, progress notes, or anything else. Wow!  

Wow, DeafinlySmart, it wasn't even mentioned on the report cards! That's pretty bad!  

abby1966 Rookie

At our school, we check their homework daily. We have a disicipline policy at our school and not having your homework goes under not being responsible so therefore you get a tally mark for that. We keep a weekly behavioral chart with each students name listed and everytime that you have to call them down they get a tally and are moved levels. Not having homework gets you a tally plus it also gets you silent lunch at a table by yourself. You are allowed to eat lunch and then you have to complete your homework. Plus on the weekly folders that I send home I send their behavior for that week and also let the parents know which assignments and which days they did not bring in their homework.  

h2omane Comrade

I came across this on a website a while ago, I dont know if it will work for Kinder, but it is good communication for the parents on parent teacher interview night. Sorry it's so big. Mr. Skinner Move the slider below  

It works for all grades, and the kids wonder what happens when they get too many, it is up to each teacher's creative genius... Mr. Skinner  

I like the idea of giving a pink slip, but not to my students- it'll be a pink slip for my PARRENTS. Kinders are only 4 and 5, I'm not holding them liable for homework, only for classroom work. But, it's parents job to do the homework, hence the "home" in homework. So, I really like the idea of putting in a pink slip in the child's folder after I check their homework on Fridays. Thanks for the ideas!  

CanadianTeacher Groupie

First of all, if you can't hold the kids liable for the homework because they are too young, then you shouldn't be giving it to them. The work is worthless anyway because you don't even know how much was done by the parents. My kids never had homework in kindergarten. Why aren't you just assessing what they do in class. Even in the older grades homework may count for part of the learning skills and responsibility, but generally it's just practice work and shouldn't be graded. At least that's how I was taught.  

lw3teach Companion

I am of that opinion too. It is unfortunate though, if you have to have an actual homework slot on your report card. When I read that, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. Homework should not be graded, nor should it be something that is on a report card. I know I am pretty extreme in this, but Canadian Teacher is right... we don't have any idea who is doing the work, nor do we know what is going on in the household on that particular night. Teachers should be responsible for grading what can be seen in the normal regular classroom. I only give a minimal amount of homework.. a reading book once or twice a week, and a math home link. Sometimes I think we don't let kids be kids anymore.  

I also forgot to say that parents don't want to be responsible for doing homework....they are busy too and just don't have time to spend another hour teaching at night when they are tired and when their kids are probably tired. Besides, it can really put a strain on both parties when parents try to teach their own kids. I have had many of those times when my kids would just not listen to me when I was trying to show them how to do something because they thought I was saying something different from the teacher when it as really them who misunderstood the teacher (which happens more than you can imagine at that age). So what are you going to tell parents who 'don't do their homework'....you fail, you're a bad parent? It's just not a realistic request, at least not on a regular basis.  

I teach 5th grade and at some point these kids have to be accountable and responsible. I hold them accountable and they know there are consequences for coming to school without their homework.  

Lesley Habitué

At my current school we send home a packet of papers on Monday that is to be returned by Thursday. Most kids bring it back by Thursday and those that do not, get a reminder to return it on Friday. However, the school I taught at at the beginning of this school year sent one paper home a night for the K kids to do. Each child had a folder to take home every night and the homework was placed in it. I had the parent initial the HW sheet stapled in the folder. I liked this system a lot better than the packet of papers my current school is doing. I am hoping the homework packet system changes next year for the K kids, one page a night seems to be just right instead of trying to remember a packet of papers at the end of the week. Most parents misplace the packets anyway.  

abby1966 said: I teach 5th grade and at some point these kids have to be accountable and responsible. I hold them accountable and they know there are consequences for coming to school without their homework. Click to expand...

CanadianTeacher said: I also forgot to say that parents don't want to be responsible for doing homework....they are busy too and just don't have time to spend another hour teaching at night when they are tired and when their kids are probably tired. Besides, it can really put a strain on both parties when parents try to teach their own kids. I have had many of those times when my kids would just not listen to me when I was trying to show them how to do something because they thought I was saying something different from the teacher when it as really them who misunderstood the teacher (which happens more than you can imagine at that age). So what are you going to tell parents who 'don't do their homework'....you fail, you're a bad parent? It's just not a realistic request, at least not on a regular basis. Click to expand...

Also, it encourages parents who may be less involved in their child's education to become a bit more involved. they are the ones who chose to have kids, right? So they need to take some responsibilty in their child's education. Also, I have parents who come to me after they first saw my homework and classroom work and said, I never realized how academic kindergarten was!  

I can see where you're coming from. I still think it's sad to actually have a policy where you HAVE to give homework in k. Here in Ontario, we are not told that we HAVE to give homework. We are very much trusted to run our class the way we see fit, as long as we teach to the Ontario curriculum. I definitely agree with parents being involved and I am one of those parents, but as a busy teacher, I would also get overwhelmed if I was trying to meet my own deadlines and my kids couldn't do their homework without me because it was so involved that they needed me for every step. I think it's sad that the curriculum is getting so involved that what is now k used to be grade 1 and so on. The next generation of kids are going to grow up with ulcers! There are obviously many different views and all have their valid points. It makes for an interesting conversation! )  

CanadianTeacher said: It makes for an interesting conversation! ) Click to expand...

For kinder, my opinion would be to send it home as optional practice for those who do enjoy it (if you had a choice, which you yourself don't because it is mandated), but for older kids, I definitely think homework is an important part of their learning. As I explain to my students, it's just not to make you do extra work, it's to give you a chance to practice and grasp and get comfortable with the concepts because during the school day, we just don't have time to make sure everyone learns to their top capacity. Homework allows students to identify for themselves where they need to ask more questions. It is also an important part of developing a sense of responsibility. So in short, yest homework definitely has its place.  

One of my son's teachers sent home a month calendar. Basically there is something on it from Monday through Friday. Each day will have a short activity (written or otherwise). The child has to do 4 out of 5 of those activities and turn them in on Friday. They can pick which they want to do. They can do them all on Moday or do them every night. It's completely the parents and child's choice. Then the parents sign it on Thursday night and sends it back Friday. As a parent I liked this. I tended to want my child to do a little something every night but at the same time there were nights when we were super busy and it was nice to have the option of doubling up the next day. My child liked that he could pick what he wanted to do. Of course he didn't realize there wasn't that much leeway, but it was just enough freedom of choice for him to feel empowered.  

Miss_J Habitué

Nov 12, 2006

When I taught 5th last year, I held them accountable for assignments. If it was not finished, they had to stay in at recess and do it. If it was not finished then, they had to complete that night as well. If it happened too often, parents were brought in. Now that I teach Kindergarten, I don't worry about it. I have a few who never do their homework, but I just let it slide. We also have a spot on the report card about homework completion, but not in Kindergarten as our district has homework requirements for every grade and Kindergarten has none.  

mudpie1598 Companion

Mr. Skinner you're sooo talented! Only problem with me is that all my students are low English learners, meaning their parents don't know English. There are very limited Spanish/English (and vice versa) resources out there for me!  

mudpie1598 said: Mr. Skinner you're sooo talented! Only problem with me is that all my students are low English learners, meaning their parents don't know English. There are very limited Spanish/English (and vice versa) resources out there for me! Click to expand...

I also held my kindergartner's accountable for their homework. Yes, they're young but you need to start instilling in them the idea of responsibility. Even though they are young they are still bright and can understand. I used to hate it when parents blamed themselves for not placing in their child's homework in their backpack. This is a procedure that can easily be taught, followed, and learned! I also made them responsible for their lunch tickets. I wasn't going to take the time out to write all of their names on the tickets or place them in a box and then re-distribute later. It took to much time and by the time I passed them out students kept whining that they had given me their ticket and now I had lost it for them. I may be alone in all of this.  

Thanks for the suggestion! I translate most of my stuff into Spanish anyway, but most of the times the parents can't read or write so this becomes another problem.  

teachingmomof4 Groupie

I remember last year at my other school I taught at, if Kinder kids didn't do their homework, they would lose their recess. I started doing this in my class, but I noticed quickly that it was always the same students who never brought back their homeowork. After I got to know these students more, I came to realize that their mom/dad really did not care about homework or school. they would take the homework packets and actually throw them away. Because of this, I stopped punishing my kids. Instead I rewarded the ones who did do the homework. I created a homework club where if they did all of their work for the whole month, they would be put on the homework club and would get a sticker or something little, like pencils.  

wdwteach Cohort

Nov 14, 2006

I teach 1st and I send a weekly homework packet. I give each child a sticker on an incentive chart everyweek when they turn it in. They get a larger reward for every 5 completed packets. I have some free kid's meal coupons from Chick-Fil-A. Young kids cannot help when their parents are uninvolved. (But they can nag them to help if a treat is involved.) Older kids (3-5th grade) were held responsible for turning in but I think the best way to get that homework back is a small incentive.  

elcole New Member

I teach a 1st/2nd combination and we send homework packets home on Friday to be returned the following Thursday. That gives parents time over the weekend to work with their child and I get about a 95% return. I do have trouble with math homework which I send home on Monday night to be returned Tuesday and again on Wednesday night to be returned Thursday with their homework packet.  

kinderkids Virtuoso

Peachyness said: I remember last year at my other school I taught at, if Kinder kids didn't do their homework, they would lose their recess. I started doing this in my class, but I noticed quickly that it was always the same students who never brought back their homeowork. After I got to know these students more, I came to realize that their mom/dad really did not care about homework or school. they would take the homework packets and actually throw them away. Because of this, I stopped punishing my kids. Instead I rewarded the ones who did do the homework. I created a homework club where if they did all of their work for the whole month, they would be put on the homework club and would get a sticker or something little, like pencils. Click to expand...

diro.pams Companion

I'm with Lesley. Homework goes home Mon. and is returned Thurs. I interview each student and look over their homework during Thurs. centers. Then I give the students an animal cracker & a sticker on the homework chart if all is completed. If kids lost homework, I will give them another copy on Thurs. However, unless they are sick on Thurs, there's no cracker or sticker. I don't notify parents unless it becomes a weekly pattern. I do note it on the report card and move on. During orientation and conferences, I emphasize that we are teaching the routine and responsibility of homework and that parent follow thru is a huge part of this.  

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Not just for kids anymore: Adults turn to lemonade stands as side hustles

There was no ice at Giant. There was no ice at CVS. And Malia Blake was getting anxious.

Her new side hustle, intended to help her climb out of debt, was inspired by a woman she saw on TikTok do this to pay for pharmacy school. It depended on four ingredients: ice, water, sweetener and lemons.

Subscribe to The Post Most newsletter for the most important and interesting stories from The Washington Post.

With her SUV filled with tables, bags of lemons she got from Costco and flavored syrups she bought off Amazon, Blake pulled into a 7-Eleven parking lot in Southeast Washington and ran inside. Tucked in the back of the store was a freezer.

“Yay, they have it!” Blake takes a deep exhale. “I think I’ll get five or six bags. That would have been a disaster if they didn’t have it.”

Lemonade stands used to be only for kids who wanted to make pocket change during their summer breaks. Now people in their 20s and 30s around the country have started squeezing lemons to pay off bills. They set up stands at farmers markets, local festivals and concerts. Proprietors say it’s very profitable, but the business is extremely weather dependent and has gotten highly competitive.

Blake, 26, said she has around $40,000 in debt from student loans, credit cards and a car, and she has aspirations to attend law school.

“The cost of living is kind of high and I have a lot of expenses,” said Blake, who lives in D.C. and works in corporate communications. “I’m constantly looking for ways outside of my 9-to-5 [job] to put towards my debt and my future. Lemons are cheap. I thought I could do this, too.”

In May, she spent $1,500 on coolers, an industrial lemon slicer, a banner and other supplies. She scoured the internet for places that would allow her to set up a booth. Malia’s Main Squeeze held its first event at a farmers market on Mother’s Day.

“I didn’t get much traffic. It was discouraging, but I wanted to give it a chance,” Blake said.

But at her next event a week later, the weather was warm and sunny, and people started lining up for a cold, refreshing drink. Soon her calendar was filling up for events in June, like the Taste of the DMV food, music and culture festival in downtown D.C.

Blake says she makes $1,000 to $1,500 in sales per event. She sells her lemonade for $8 a cup and offers five flavors: watermelon, mango, strawberry, hibiscus and plain. It takes her about one minute to make a cup.

After one of her events, Blake pieced together some video clips of her making lemonade at her stand and posted it on TikTok, telling people about her new venture to pay off her debt. The video got more than 520,000 views. Then another lemonade video racked up 1 million views. She started selling a $3 guide on how to start a lemonade business after receiving so many questions about it.

In July, she booked her first private event: TikTok hired her to give out her lemonade to staff at its office in D.C.

“The support I’ve gotten in such a short amount of time has been crazy. I post where I’m going to be at and my TikTok supporters come find me to get lemonade,” she said.

‘The best business ideas are the most simple ones’

Blake started her stand after coming across a TikTok in which Elizabeth Williams talks about paying her pharmacy school tuition with profits from her lemonade business.

Williams, who lives in Owensboro, Ky., runs her mobile lemonade stand from an old horse trailer she bought on Facebook Marketplace and refurbished.

The 23-year-old runs her business April through August and sets up at events across Kentucky and parts of Tennessee and Indiana. Last year she made $80,000 in sales, she said. She said she makes anywhere from $2,000 to $10,000 per event. She hires six to eight employees, mostly students, to help her at events. She’s been able to pay off a small student loan and uses the income she makes during the summer months to cover her living expenses during the school year, she said.

“The profit margins are really great. There’s no alcohol so you don’t have to deal with a lot of licenses or permits,” Williams said.

She knows what goes through some people’s minds when they hear about her business.

“We’re not stomping on the kids’ lemonade stands,” she joked. “Sometimes the best business ideas are the most simple ones.”

Williams has also become a lemonade influencer. After gaining 50,000 TikTok followers by posting behind-the-scenes videos of her Liz Loves Lemonade stand, she started selling an online course on how to start a lemonade business. She gets paid for her TikTok and Instagram views and affiliate links, and has a brand deal with a lemon company. She said she made six figures from social media last year.

In Tahlequah, Okla., stay-at-home mom of two Danya Pigeon took out a $2,000 loan two years ago to cover the costs to start her lemonade tent, including a $700 lemon press. She now averages more than $2,000 per event and has brought in as much as $10,000 at a large festival. Her business runs March to November and she travels across the Midwest to festivals.

Pigeon posts her event schedule on Facebook. She spends $0.62 to $1.03 per lemonade cup, which she sells for $6 to $10 each. Pigeon offers eight flavors and mixes in some limited-edition beverages.

Last summer, in honor of the “Barbie” movie, she created “The Malibu,” a strawberry watermelon lemonade with edible glitter. For Halloween, one of her drinks had spider gummies.

“There’s a lot of other lemonade vendors at events, so you have to stand out,” Pigeon said. “I invested in labels for my cups and things like umbrella straws. It’s all about presentation.”

Like Williams, she also uses social media to juice her profits. In March, Pigeon started selling straw-hole punchers on TikTok shop. She said she’s made more than $10,000 so far.

Opening a lemonade stand helped Ryan and Stephanie Cominella pay off their $10,000 wedding debt. The Minneapolis couple started their business with only $500 last year.

“We started really simple,” Stephanie, 28, said. “We bought hand slicers for our lemons off Amazon and a knife and a cutting board. Everything was by hand and very, very basic.”

The pair doesn’t drink alcohol and enjoys mixing fruity drinks. Their menu consists of 20 flavors like dirty Sprite (lemonade and Sprite), coconut cotton candy limeade and dragon fruit lychee Sprite lemonade. They charge $7 to $9 per cup.

“At farmers markets we usually make around $500. If we set up at music festivals, especially Christian music festivals where alcohol isn’t a factor, we can make $2,000 to $6,000,” Stephanie said. “We can make our monthly salary in one event.”

Ryan quit his job as a teacher to work the lemonade business full-time, and Stephanie recently resigned from her job as a trainer for UnitedHealthcare.

Ryan said some family and friends expressed concerns about their decision to go full-time with the lemonade stand but the couple has no regrets.

“We’ve decided to jump full-in and take a leap of faith on it,” he said. “This has been the best decision we’ve ever made.”

Stephanie sees the potential in a year-round, multi-location lemonade business.

“We could do the snowbird thing, work here in the summer and go to Florida or somewhere warm in winter and set up there,” she said.

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Video: People in their 20s and 30s are starting lemonade stands to get out of debt. Here's how they make $500 to $10,000 per event.(c) 2024 , The Washington Post

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