50 shades movie review

Fifty Shades Freed

The problem with the “Fifty Shades” franchise—if it can be called a franchise—is not so much its portrait of a controlling man manipulating his lover past her comfort zone, although earlier installments feature such scenes. The problem is there’s not enough sex and too much … everything else. Kidnappings. Office drama. There’s a gun in a drawer. People are stalked. A helicopter crashes in the mountains. High-speed car chases! When compared to, say, some of the films of Catherine Breillat , the “Fifty Shades” movies come off as coy ’60s films about marriage, commitment, and—adorably—male ineptitude in the kitchen. (“Fifty Shades Freed,” the latest film, shows Christian Grey trying to make dinner for his new wife and burning the tomato sauce, as she looks on affectionately.) There’s a conservative streak in E.L. James’ books, an acceptance of all of the “symbols” making up the heterosexual status quo: diamond rings, marriage, house-hunting. What would the stories be like if they did  question the status quo? What would it be like if Anna Steele was not interested in the domesticated trappings of state-approved monogamy, but chasing pure experience because it’s fun and exciting? Now that would be truly radical.

But alas, this is not what we talk about when we talk about “Fifty Shades.”

At the end of “ Fifty Shades Darker ,” also directed by James Foley , the emotionally damaged Christian Grey ( Jamie Dornan ), whose penthouse includes 1.) a sex-dungeon room with red leather walls and 2.) a pommel horse, proposed marriage to his virgin-turned-submissive-sex-partner Anastasia Steele ( Dakota Johnson ). “Fifty Shades Freed” starts with the wedding. At first all is bliss, with a couple of kinks—sexually (what’s a honeymoon without handcuffs?) and emotionally (he doesn’t want her going topless on the beach). They are called back from their honeymoon because a bomb exploded in one of the “Grey Enterprises” warehouses. Security footage reveals the terrorist as Hyde ( Eric Johnson ), Anna’s former boss who sexually assaulted her at the first available opportunity. The lengths Hyde will go to to get revenge makes up just one of the many non-sexual plot-lines of “Fifty Shades Freed.”

Another aspect of the film is Anna’s desire to have a life outside of her marriage. She keeps working at the small publishing house where she was promoted to Fiction Editor while she was on her honeymoon, because that’s realistic. In an inadvertently entertaining moment, Anna instructs her team on a book’s font size. The film is crowded with events, held together by pop songs: Anna asserts her primacy with a hottie real estate agent making the moves on Christian, Anna’s friend gets engaged, there’s a spontaneous trip to Aspen, Hyde’s on the loose, Anna’s in danger, Christian gets wasted. The emotional tension of “ Fifty Shades of Grey ” and “Fifty Shades Darker,” where Anna has hesitations about submitting to his sexual tastes, is gone. Anna loves the sex they have. She feels safe with him. When he’s too controlling, she tells him so. They’re actually … a boring couple, truth be told.

These movies are silly, and they’re silliest when they get romantic, like the scene when Anna discovers Christian, moody and sensitive, sitting at a grand piano, playing and singing Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed.” In that moment, Anna sees him as the little boy tormented by his childhood “in the system.” We, however, just see a dumb scene. There are many such moments.

A lot of the cultural commentary on “Fifty Shades” has been worried concern—or outright contempt—about its portrayal of a controlling abusive relationship, where a man gaslights a woman into sex she’s not comfortable with. That’s not quite what’s going on, though. She is willing to walk away from the relationship (and does so in former installments). When she comes back, she comes back on her terms. If everyone’s consenting, then what’s the problem? There’s another aspect of “Fifty Shades” that deserves mention, relevant in particular to our current moment: because of the couple’s chosen kink, verbal consent is built into the relationship, even after marriage. Consent is never assumed. She blurts out her safe word at one point, and he stops because those are the rules. She tells him what she didn’t like. He apologizes. At one point, he stops what he’s doing and asks her if it’s all right. She says yes. A little bit later, he checks in with her again, and she gives him verbal consent to keep going. If you want to talk about the utopia of “enthusiastic consent,” this is what it looks like.

Christian Grey is an impossible role for an actor. He is pure fantasy, but it’s a particular kind of fantasy, emotionally complicated, with night terrors and abandonment issues. Some people are into the hotness of the fantasy of “healing” a damaged partner. It may be unhealthy in the “real world,” but it’s the stuff of the “Hurt/Comfort” subgenre of fanfic, which could fill every library in the world it’s so popular. If that’s your freak flag, let it fly. But Dornan never finds a “way in” to this frankly unrealistic bazillionaire-dom. He was so good as the serial killer in the television series “ The Fall ,” but here—when he has to show Christian’s playful side, or emotionally damaged side—he is extremely inhibited.

Dornan’s inadequacy is accentuated by Dakota Johnson’s natural force of personality and charisma. Throughout, she makes intelligent choices (no small feat, considering the material). She doesn’t take any of it too seriously, and yet she takes it seriously enough that she doesn’t seem like she’s “slumming.” A sexy scene involving ice cream works because Johnson turns it into a game she finds amusing. Her sense of humor never leaves her. “Fifty Shades” is pure relationship melodrama, and the role of Anna requires an honest commitment to those aspects of the story. A true test of an actor’s talent is how they survive silly or bad material. Dakota Johnson survives. Thrives, even. It will be fun to see what she does next.

Sheila O'Malley

Sheila O’Malley received a BFA in Theatre from the University of Rhode Island and a Master’s in Acting from the Actors Studio MFA Program. Read her answers to our Movie Love Questionnaire here .

• Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele
• Eric Johnson as Jack Hyde
• Arielle Kebbel as Gia Matteo
• Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey
• Kim Basinger as Elena Lincoln
• Brant Daugherty as Luke Sawyer
• Danny Elfman
• David Clark
• Debra Neil-Fisher
• Richard Francis-Bruce

Writer (based on the novel by)

• James Foley

Cinematographer

• John Schwartzman
• Niall Leonard

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‘fifty shades of grey’: film review.

Bondage stakes its claim on the multiplex as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele transition steamily from best-seller to the big screen.

By Sheri Linden

Sheri Linden

Senior Copy Editor/Film Critic

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As the tens of millions of readers of Fifty Shades of Grey know, Christian Grey doesn’t do hearts and flowers. The long-fingered antihero of E L James’ 2011 novel is a sexual dominant, practiced and resolute, determined to make Anastasia Steele his submissive without giving her the dreaded “more” — i.e., the dinner-date trappings of conventional romance. Both on the page and in the glossy, compellingly acted screen adaptation, one of the more perverse aspects of their zeitgeist-harnessing story is the breathless way it melds the erotic kink known as BDSM with female wish-fulfillment fantasy of a decidedly retro slant. Hearts and flowers are barely concealed beneath the pornographic surface, and as with most mainstream love stories, an infatuated but commitment-averse male is in need of rehabilitation.

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Arriving on Valentine’s weekend with record-setting ticket presales, the first in a planned trilogy of movies will stoke the ardor of James’ fans, entice curious newbies, and in every way live up to the “phenomenon” hype. Although the book’s soft-X explicitness has been toned down to a hard R, this is the first studio film in many years to gaze directly at the Medusa of sex — and unlike such male-leer predecessors as 9½ Weeks , it does so from a woman’s perspective. Aiming to please, the filmmakers submit without hesitation to the bold yet hokey source material, with leads Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson breathing a crucial third dimension into cutout characters.

The Bottom Line A well-cast conversation starter, by turns provocative and romance-novel gooey

Director Sam Taylor-Johnson, who depicted the psychosexual domestic drama of John Lennon’s adolescence in Nowhere Boy , has a feel for the dark corners of relationships. Telling the story of a virginal young woman in thrall to a man with “singular” needs — the book began as Twilight fan fiction — she depicts fringe pursuits within a familiar, reassuring romance-novel dynamic. And she makes brisk cinema of the opening sequence, placing English-lit major Anastasia in the gleaming high-rise Seattle office of supercapitalist Grey and setting up the contrast between her fumbling innocence and his affected formality. She’s a last-minute substitute for her roommate, Kate (Eloise Mumford), who’s home nursing a cold while Anastasia interviews the young entrepreneur for their school paper.

In that glass box, Dornan seems lacking as the stormy-eyed Grey, displaying little of the animal magnetism of the serial killer he plays on BBC series The Fall (indirectly referenced in an exchange of in-joke dialogue). But his performance quickly grows fascinating in its containment, revealing a disturbingly more animated side of Grey when he next encounters Ana. With a suddenness that wouldn’t be out of place in a horror thriller, he shows up in the aisles of the hardware store where she works and leaves her deeply flustered as she helps him with a shopping list of items — rope and cable ties among them — whose true purpose she’ll soon understand.

But not all that soon. It’s a slow build to the smutty bits, and one that’s disappointingly devoid of tension. Even so, the movie is, by definition, a stronger proposition than the book because it strips away the oodles of cringe-inducing descriptions and internal monologue that tip the text heavily toward self-parody. Things grow more compelling once Grey whips out his nondisclosure agreement — along with a nice Pouilly-Fumé, naturally — and shows Ana his “playroom,” expertly outfitted with state-of-the-art S&M gear.

Except for his prowess at pleasuring women, everything is slightly off in Grey, from the not-quite-swagger of entitlement to the not-quite-revealed memories of a wounded childhood. In his first major big-screen performance, Dornan creates a remarkable range within Grey’s tightly wound intensity. When he takes Ana up in a magnificent glider, both characters let go, and the two leads wordlessly evince very different forms of unhinged joy, equally affecting.

The screenplay by Kelly Marcel, whose only previous feature credit is the utterly wholesome Saving Mr. Banks , is ultra-faithful to James’ writing, and retains some of its most risible lines. Many of these fall to Dornan, who finds the icily deranged conviction in such morsels as “I’m not going to touch you until I have your written consent” and “Welcome to my world,” Grey’s pronouncement after receiving said consent and giving Ana her first spanking.

As the attraction plays out, Ana is both doe-eyed and skeptical, challenging Grey on his philosophy as well as specific clauses of the contract that would officially make her his submissive. They negotiate that document in a nighttime “business meeting,” with cinematographer Seamus McGarvey finding a stylized sensuality in the widescreen frame. Throughout the film, his use of close-ups is fully attuned to the central performances.

First seen looking in a mirror, Anastasia is a figure defined by self-discovery. She’s embarking on postcollege life at the same time that she experiences a physical awakening that she never would have imagined. Although the character’s literary leanings are as flatly drawn as Grey’s vague philanthropic undertakings and high-powered tech-biz talk, Johnson is captivating. Her facial features recall both her parents (Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson), but she’s very much her own actor.

With a loose-limbed naturalness, she conveys naiveté, intellectual curiosity and romantic yearning, and shows the unassuming Ana’s newfound thrill at being seen, however complicated the man holding her in his admiring gaze. She’s open and vulnerable but no fool. Best of all, Johnson and her director embrace Ana’s paradox: She snickers at Christian’s predilections, but they also turn her on.

The movie, too, wants to have it both ways: Informative and nonjudgmental about bondage and discipline, it distances itself from such pursuits with shard-sharp slivers of backstory, indicating that Christian’s desires are expressions of trauma-induced pathology. He’s supremely dreamy damaged goods, ripe for the saving. And so the moonlit postcoital sonatas he plays at his piano — interludes of self-conscious melancholy that are among the most laugh-out-loud schmaltzy in the book, transplanted whole to the screen. 

From meet-cute to deflowering to the sequel-setup ending, the relationship between Ana and Christian is one of carefully navigated mutual consent. Their first use of his playroom is packaged in a montage-y way that feels nonthreatening and more than a little generic, complete with intrusive pop-track accompaniment. A few dom-sub contract details and a couple of online photos notwithstanding, the movie maintains an artful restraint even as it talks dirty; the sex scenes suggest more than those of the standard Hollywood drama without quite going there. The penultimate scene, where Christian punishes Anastasia with a belt — and thrills to it, as Dornan communicates with exquisite subtlety — is by far the film’s most extreme.

Surrounding the steamy/clinical pas de deux are barely sketched types: Jennifer Ehle plays Anastasia’s much-married mother, Victor Rasuk is her smitten photographer friend , and Luke Grimes is Christian’s demonstrative brother. Among these half-conceived characters, Mumford, as Ana’s all-American valedictorian best friend, and Marcia Gay Harden, as Christian’s adoptive mother, make the sharpest impressions.

In the workaday “purity” of Ana’s life and the otherworldly wealth of Christian’s, production designer David Wasco and costume designer Mark Bridges hew to the details of James’ story in ways that fans will spark to, while Taylor-Johnson and McGarvey cast the Pacific Northwest in an unaccustomed light, naughty and tormented.

When it’s not insistently bland and overused, Danny Elfman’s score hits the right notes of heart-thumping dread/excitement, accentuating Anastasia’s point of view. The inclusion of on-the-nose songs such as “Beast of Burden” is more distracting than helpful, but the opening-credits use of “I Put a Spell on You” sets the right hot-and-bothered tone. Who’s casting a spell on whom is the question.

Production companies: Focus Features, Michael De Luca Prods., Trigger Street Prods. Cast: Jamie Dornan, Dakota Johnson, Jennifer Ehle, Eloise Mumford, Victor Rasuk, Luke Grimes, Marcia Gay Harden Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson Screenwriter: Kelly Marcel Based on the novel by E L James Producers: Michael De Luca, E L James, Dana Brunetti Executive producers: Marcus Viscidi, Jeb Brody Director of photography: Seamus McGarvey Production designer: David Wasco Costume designer: Mark Bridges Editors: Debra Neil-Fisher, Anne V. Coates, Lisa Gunning Composer: Danny Elfman Casting: Francine Maisler Rated R, 125 minutes

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No Pain, No Gain

If the figures are correct, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” by E. L. James, has been bought by more than a hundred million people, of whom only twenty million were under the impression that it was a paint catalogue. That leaves a solid eighty million or so who, upon reading sentences such as “He strokes his chin thoughtfully with his long, skilled fingers,” had to lie down for a while and let the creamy waves of ecstasy subside. Now, after an enticing buildup, which took to extreme lengths the art of the peekaboo, the film of the book is here.

Nothing has exercised the novel’s devotees—the Jamesians, as we must think of them—quite as much as the proper occupants of the central roles. Who could conceivably play Christian Grey, the awkward young billionaire with the extensive neckwear collection, let alone Anastasia Steele, the English-lit major who is also, as we gasp to learn, one of the leading virgins of Vancouver, Washington? Many combinations were suggested, my own preference being Nick Nolte and Barbra Streisand, who made such a lovely couple in “The Prince of Tides,” but in the end the lucky winners were Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. Good choices, I reckon, especially Johnson, who, as the granddaughter of Tippi Hedren, knows everything about predators who stare and swoop.

Ana, as she is usually called, first meets Christian Grey at Grey House, which is home to Grey Enterprises, in Seattle. (Don’t you adore rich men who hide themselves away?) She is there in lieu of her roommate, who was meant to interview Grey for the college newspaper but has fallen sick. Ana, ushered into his presence, stumbles first over the threshold and then over her words, but begins to melt as he expounds on his bountiful gifts. “I’ve always been good at people,” he says, as though people were Scrabble or squash. He is interested in “what motivates them—what incentivizes them.” Any woman should run a mile from a man who uses the verb “incentivize,” but things could have been worse, I guess. He could have said “monetize.” He also lends her a pencil, bearing the word “Grey,” the tip of which she rubs against her lip. Either she has a cold sore or these folks are getting ready to rumble.

Their next encounter comes at a hardware store, where Christian is stocking up on masking tape, cable ties, and rope. “You’re the complete serial killer,” Ana says. Now, there’s a thought. We know Ana reads Jane Austen, and here, for a second, she sounds like the heroine of “Northanger Abbey,” who is mocked for always assuming the worst, or, at any rate, the most gothically arousing. Also, Dornan is no stranger to wickedness; in “The Fall,” a BBC drama that shows on Netflix, he is a serial killer, armed with a rasping beard, his native Belfast accent, and roughly ten times the sexual allure that he projects in “Fifty Shades.” Could Ana’s fears be well founded? Is Christian a terminator? No. He is many things—a pianist, a pilot, a pervert, and a tremendous bore—but evil is not in his wardrobe. Ana asks casually if he is a “do-it-yourselfer.” That would explain a lot.

Christian, it transpires, has a private passion, the cause of what James calls “his odd I’ve-got-a-whopping-big-secret smile.” Down a corridor of his apartment, behind a locked door, lurks his Red Room. Lavishly stuffed with the tools of domestic torture, it is supposed to radiate a breathless lust, although the result looks more like a spread from House Beautiful . Here, within these crimson walls, our hero is free to express himself as a “dominant,” meaning not that he is the fifth tone of the diatonic scale, which really would be hot, but, rather, that he constrains and chastises women who wish to be treated thus. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Mostly, he sounds like your basic stalker: “I’m incapable of leaving you alone,” he informs Ana—a notion that appears to stimulate her, although it would easily warrant a call to 911. She succumbs, up to a point, but her recurring doubts lead Christian to dish up one of those crusty old no-means-yes propositions which feminism has battled for decades: “You want to leave? Your body tells me something different.” Pass the butt plug.

So how does the movie, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, stack up against the book? And what’s in it for non-Jamesians? Well, we lose Ana’s introduction to fellatio, set precariously in a bathtub; in a similar vein, we skip the breakfast that she shares with Christian at an International House of Pancakes. Above all, we are denied James’s personifications, which are so much livelier than her characters: “My sleepy subconscious has a final swipe at me.” “ yes ! My inner goddess is thrilled.” “ no ! my psyche screams.” Couldn’t someone have got Sarah Silverman to play the psyche?

On the other hand, the film, by dint of its simple competence—being largely well acted, not too long, and sombrely photographed, by Seamus McGarvey—has to be better than the novel. It could hardly be worse. No new reader, however charitable, could open “Fifty Shades of Grey,” browse a few paragraphs, and reasonably conclude that the author was writing in her first language, or even her fourth. There are poignant moments when the plainest of physical actions is left dangling beyond the reach of her prose: “I slice another piece of venison, holding it against my mouth.” The global appeal of the novel has led some fans to hallow it as a classic, but, with all due respect, it is not to be confused with “Madame Bovary.” Rather, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is the kind of book that Madame Bovary would read. Yet we should not begrudge E. L. James her triumph, for she has, in her lumbering fashion, tapped into a truth that often eludes more elegant writers—that eternal disappointment, deep in the human heart, at the failure of our loved ones to acquire their own helipad.

Much of the novel’s fixation with style, or with the barrage of stuff that a sense of style can buy, is carried onto the screen. Where the money shots should be, we get shots of what money can provide. The subtle silk ties that adorned the paperback covers, and which somehow made it O.K., by a dazzling sleight of the publisher’s hand, to read soft pornography in public, are arrayed in the opening scene. Ana can barely move for Audis. Christian wows her with rides, first in his thunderous chopper and then in his smooth white glider, presumably praying that she won’t have seen Pierce Brosnan do the same in “The Thomas Crown Affair.” The only viewer, in fact, who may feel shortchanged by “Fifty Shades of Grey” is Liam Helmer, who is listed in the credits as “BDSM Technical Consultant.” Check out the Red Room: rack upon rack of cutting-edge bullwhips, a variety of high-end ass paddles, and more restraining cuffs than you can shake a stick at. And how much of this kit gets used? A mere fraction, and even then Christian, supposedly the maestro of pain, can do little more than brush his cat-o’-nine-tails over Ana’s flesh with a feathery backhand. He looks like Roger Federer, practicing gentle cross-court lobs at the net.

And there you have the problem with this film. It is gray with good taste—shade upon shade of muted naughtiness, daubed within the limits of the R rating. Think of it as the “Downton Abbey” of bondage, designed neither to menace nor to offend but purely to cosset the fatigued imagination. You get dirtier talk in most action movies, and more genitalia in a TED talk on Renaissance sculpture. True, Dakota Johnson does her best, and her semi-stifled giggles suggest that, unlike James, she can see the funny side of all this nonsense. When Christian, alarmed by Ana’s maidenhood, considers “rectifying the situation,” she replies, “I’m a situation?”—a sharp rejoinder, although if I were her I’d be much more worried about the rectifying. Even Johnson’s valiant performance, however, cannot pierce the gloom, or persuade her co-star to lighten up. He brings color to her cheeks, courtesy of mild slaps, but she brings no light to his spirit in return. He spends half the time badgering her about a contract that has been drawn up, in which she—“the Submissive”—must consent to his supremacy. Clauses and subsections are haggled over in such detail that one feels bound to ask: How much of a sex film can this be, given that the people most likely to be turned on by it are lawyers?

“Fifty Shades of Grey” is being released in time for Valentine’s Day. That’s a bold move, since the film is not just unromantic but specifically anti-romantic; take your valentine along, by all means, but, be warned, it’ll be like watching “Rosemary’s Baby” at Christmas. Try holding hands as the hero taunts the rituals of sentiment, such as going out for dinner and a movie: “That’s not really my thing.” What his thing actually is, Lord knows, although, to judge by the importance that he attaches to grooming, regular feeding, and nicely buffed leather goods, my suspicion is that he doesn’t want a girlfriend at all. I know Mr. Grey’s whopping-big secret. He wants a pony. ♦

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Fifty Shades Of Grey, movie review: Jamie Dornan’s Christian is like a Chippendale dancer

Sam taylor-johnson, 125 mins, starring: jamie dornan, dakota johnson, article bookmarked.

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For all the genius with which it has been marketed and distributed, the film adaptation of Fifty Shades Of Grey turns out to be anti-climactic on almost every level.

Shot in a glossy style reminiscent of 80s bratpack movies, as if it’s an S&M version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off , it isn’t funny or ironic enough to work as a guilty treat for a hen night audience.

It doesn’t pass muster as a romantic drama either. Nor does it have the psychological intensity of a Last Tango In Paris .

Sam Taylor-Johnson fails to put any personal stamp on the film. Her heavy handed use of music gives us the impression at times that we’re watching a glorified pop promo on MTV.

The “18” certificate liberates her to push beyond usual Hollywood norms in her portrayal of the goings-on in the “Red Room,” but she is also trying to make a mainstream movie.

The characterisation is flimsy in the extreme. Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey, the reclusive billionaire with the “singular” tastes, is like a cross between Mr Rochester from Jane Eyre and a Chippendale dancer.

Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia is equally one-dimensional - the Thomas Hardy-loving English Literature student who works part time in a hardware store. They’re both such cartoonish creations that when the filmmakers try to hint at their anxieties and deeper feelings (Christian’s troubled childhood for example), the results are laughable.

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Fifty Shades Freed Review: Delightfully Absurd Trilogy Goes Out with a Bang

I experienced some weird moments of extreme empathy with Anastasia Steele ( Dakota Johnson ) during Fifty Shades Freed —and no, I don’t mean that in any kinky dom-sub way. I was simply as overwhelmed by the strangeness of her tale as she was.

The first scene in director James Foley’s conclusion (climax?) to the E. L. James, saga is of Anastasia’s wedding, so clearly, she said “yes” to Christian Grey’s ( Jamie Dornan ) proposal at the end of the last one. It’s a nice looking affair, so figure that even with Grey Money—the kind where you snap your fingers and the world immediately contorts to your wishes—there had to be time to book the hall, find a caterer, hire the right calligrapher for the invitations. The point I’m making is that even though the Grey-Steele romance has been a whirlwind since Ana literally stumbled into Christian’s office (then later his red dungeon, and, finally, his heart), it’s just inconceivable that she never found out before that he has his own jet.

“This is yours?” she asks as he carries her over the threshold in Fifty Shades Freed. “No—ours,” he answers. Smooth talker.

Later, after their honeymoon in Paris and the Riviera—where Ana fights for her right to go topless at the beach!—the pair is enjoying a quiet dinner at home when they first broach the topic of having children. We’re to believe that a relationship that began with a contract of dos and don’ts specific enough for a line item on anal fisting never got around to “hey, whatcha think about kids?”

The disorientation the characters feel is mirrored by the audience, at least the ones that never read the books. There’s some guy chasing Ana? Oh, yeah, I kinda remember that. Wait, what’s this talk about a helicopter crash? Who are all these blonde women again? Doesn’t Kim Basinger figure in somehow? Fifty Shades Freed, more so than the other two entries in this absurd yet undeniably enjoyable trilogy, has almost no narrative drive until the last 30 minutes. The film is more of a victory lap for those dedicated viewers who really wanted to see Ana and Christian in marriage. They wear nice clothing; they screw; they buy stuff; they take another trip; and they deal with something that confronts every newlywed couple: kidnapping attempts. The ephemeral nature of these movies, whose flimsy plots barely reach the legal definition of feature films, recede until we’re left with what’s essential: titter-worthy sex scenes and luxury goods.

I can’t for the life of me explain why the only architect in Seattle looks like a Victoria’s Secret model ( Arielle Kebbel ) and also shows up in Aspen when the rest of the film’s characters do, nor could I ever clarify why a catty consultation with her sends Ana into a 007-esque car chase. But I do know that the Audi R8 look both elegant and sporty, especially as Dakota Johnson bites her lower lip and takes it on sharp turns.

Jack Hyde (these names!) was Ana’s old boss, and now the Princeton-educated book editor has turned into a psychotic master criminal. Though Christian Grey is rich enough to buy the publishing house where Ana has been given another unearned promotion, he can’t figure out how to hire capable security. Hyde ( Eric Johnson ) outwits Grey’s goons multiple times, causing much consternation.

This leads to plenty of running around and even some gunplay, but that’s not really what Fifty Shades is all about. The real question is, can Christian and Ana’s romance grow into something mature while they still remain them ? Is there room for both responsibility and butt-plugs in this crazy world?

As with most things, the answer is, “with enough money, sure.” And that’s why this franchise remains a much-needed escapism release valve. It’s still cathartic and therapeutic to sit in the dark and dream a pure, selfish, and pleasantly photographed dream, where the endless material pampering (Christian is a sentient slab of abdominal muscles with a limitless black card) is the real perversion.

It’s hard to find compliments for Jamie Dornan beyond “very athletic”—but from start to finish, one can’t give Johnson enough credit for making these asinine movies work as well as they do. Her performance is about more than just the girl next door shedding her inhibitions for another kinky act, including, this time, one involving Ben & Jerry’s; you can see her making smart acting choices at every turn, somehow taking the gobbledygook of this preposterous story and humanizing it. Get her the right script, and she’ll be unstoppable.

But for now, Johnson—or Ana, at least—is in her happy place, on her knees next to Jamie Dornan and his riding crop. This final film ties (handcuffs?) everything up nicely, but it certainly is the weakest of the three; it lacks the shock of the first and bona fide insanity of the second. But for an enterprise so suspect (remember, this all spawned from Twilight fan fiction), it nevertheless leaves its mark. I went into this trilogy with my safe word ready, but I never had to use it.

Donald Trump Versus the Wind

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Contributing editor.

• Focus Features

Summary Recent college graduate Anastasia Steele begins a sexually charged relationship with handsome, yet tormented billionaire Christian Grey.

Directed By : Sam Taylor-Johnson

Written By : Kelly Marcel, E.L. James

Fifty Shades of Grey

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Fifty Shades Darker

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Watch Fifty Shades Darker with a subscription on Netflix, rent on Fandango at Home, or buy on Fandango at Home, Apple TV.

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Lacking enough chemistry, heat, or narrative friction to satisfy, the limp Fifty Shades Darker wants to be kinky but only serves as its own form of punishment.

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<em>50 Shades of Grey</em> review

We dare you to watch <em>fifty shades of grey</em> and not laugh your ass off.

“I want to take you to my play room.”

Please, Mr. Grey. Lead the way.

And now presenting a sentence I never expected to write, ever: I really, really enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey . Based on a ridiculously popular and poorly-reviewed novel of the same name , the erotic love story about a lonely man who wants nothing more than to swoop a young, virginal woman off of her feet and onto a whipping post should not be my kind of movie. Yet every second left me howling with laughter, jaw-dropped in stunned silence during hardcore sex scenes, or, at the very least, on the edge of my seat.

Not that I’m sitting here the morning after watching Fifty Shades of Grey thinking it’s a good movie. It’s not. But it’s highly enjoyable. There are huge, uproarious laughs to be had during the E.L. James adaptation, and they’re almost all at the expense of the film. When Christian Grey, in all sincerity and without provocation, leans into Anastasia Steele and moans, “If you were mine, you wouldn’t sit right for a week,” you can’t help but burst out into nervous laughter.

And that was the experience for the vast majority of the audience in my Fifty Shades screening. Audible , irrepressible giggling filled the air as Grey expresses his desires to bite Ana’s lip, “but not without [her] written consent,” and again when Ana calls Christian a sadist, and he helpfully corrects her: “No. I’m a dominant.” There’s the safe words Ana must remember when being pushed too far beyond her sexual limits: “Yellow” for caution, “red” for OK-wow-you-cannot-put-that-there. And then there’s Christian’s solemn promise: “I don’t make love. I f—k. Hard .”

This is the movie you’re paying to see when you pick up a Fifty Shades of Grey ticket. It’s ridiculous. Every strip of masking tape, every creatively applied tie, every flogger, everything will have you giggling at some point, assuming you have a pulse.

Except for the sex. Even then, some chuckles and gasps and sighs will escape your lips as Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson slip out of their clothes and into something less comfortable. But then comes the Beyoncé music. Then the groping. The heavy petting. Next, he baby-birds cold wine into her mouth, then kisses all over her body with an ice cube, and Beyoncé gets louder, and they get louder, and you get louder, and…

Whew. Sorry. It got hot in here for a second.

Look, the sex stuff is hot. I don’t take any pride in admitting it, but it is what it is: a very sexy movie. That’s impressive, considering numerous reports suggesting problems on the set, and a lack of camaraderie between lead stars Dornan and Johnson. The lack of chemistry absolutely shows in their not-having-sex scenes, but when the lights dim and the threat of penetration permeates the air (at least I believe that’s what I’m smelling), the heat is very much on.

When you walk into Fifty Shades , if you walk into it at all, you’re walking into it for the sex. It’s perhaps not as plentiful as you might expect, certainly not as much as featured in the book. (That’s the scoop from my wife, my plus one to the movie and a recent survivor of the Fifty Shades of Grey reading experience.) But the sex scenes that exist are explicit and shocking in their hotness. Dornan does not get nearly as naked as Johnson — that would be a hard feat to accomplish — but even in his case, if you look closely, there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it dong show, ala Ben Affleck in Gone Girl . And here I was thinking Dornan had a “ no-todger ” clause in his contract!

So, even though there’s very little chemistry between Dornan and Johnson as actors, and even though the kind of sexual relationship Christian Grey wants from Anastasia Steele is unconventional at best and harmful at worst, you root for these two to make it work. Not because you want a happily ever after, but because you want more sex scenes. And you want to laugh each and every single time they talk about it, or anything else for that matter.

I don’t take any pride in admitting it, but it is what it is: a very sexy movie.

What about the plot, you ask? This is it: Christian Grey is a high-powered industrialist who becomes obsessed with a graduating college student and virgin named Anastasia after a chance meeting during which she bites her lip and turns him on. He decides she must be his, and he aggressively pursues her, not to become his girlfriend, but to become his submissive in a BDSM relationship. She would be the 16th woman to agree to such a contract. And when I say contract, I mean it literally.

There’s a written form she must sign if she wants to continue seeing and sexing Christian, and the whole thrust (!) of the movie is about whether or not she’ll agree to his terms, or if she can convince him to loosen up. Spoiler alert: The last thing Christian Grey wants to do is loosen anything, except maybe his tie, for tightening purposes of course.

That’s it. That’s the plot, folks. What more can you expect from a story that started out as Twilight fan-fiction? From the very jump, Fifty Shades of Grey is built on bad bones. Good thing the boning is great. If you don’t believe me, enter Mr. Grey’s play room and see for yourself. I dare you.

Fifty Shades of Grey is in theaters this weekend.

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Fifty shades of grey.

• Common Sense Says
• Parents Say 49 Reviews
• Kids Say 147 Reviews

Common Sense Media Review

Lackluster take on best seller is extremely graphic.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Fifty Shades of Grey is the sexually explicit adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel by E.L. James (which began its life as Twilight fan fiction). It shouldn't surprise anyone who has read or heard about the popular book (and its sequels) that it's not at all…

Why Age 18+?

Like the book, the movie includes several explicit sex scenes with nearly full-f

Many uses of "f--k," both in the sexual sense and as a declaration; also "s--t,"

Featured brands (some very prominently) include Audi, Mercedes, LG, Apple iPhone

Although their activities are consensual, Christian spanks and hits Ana, usually

Lots of wine drinking throughout the movie (and incorporated into one sex scene)

Any Positive Content?

A key takeaway is to develop a strong sense of self esteem so you don't compromi

Ana's roommate encourages her to take things slow and "at her own pace" with Chr

Sex, Romance & Nudity

Like the book, the movie includes several explicit sex scenes with nearly full-frontal nudity (always breasts and buttocks, and occasionally shots of pubic hair, too). Most of the sex scenes (all of which show Christian opening a condom) involve the use of Christian's ties, eye masks, and other sex toys/bondage aides like whips, chains, handcuffs, ropes, and feathers. Christian and Anastasia walk in on her roommate having sex on a couch; she's wearing a negligee, and her partner's jeans are pushed down under his butt.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Sex, Romance & Nudity in your kid's entertainment guide.

Many uses of "f--k," both in the sexual sense and as a declaration; also "s--t," "a--hole," and more.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Language in your kid's entertainment guide.

Products & Purchases

Featured brands (some very prominently) include Audi, Mercedes, LG, Apple iPhone, MacBook Pro, Volvo, and the Heathman Hotel.

Violence & Scariness

Although their activities are consensual, Christian spanks and hits Ana, usually too lightly to be truly painful but still hard enough to leave a mark. In one scene, Christian hits Ana (with her consent) six times so hard that she cries and leaves, horrified and upset.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Lots of wine drinking throughout the movie (and incorporated into one sex scene). Ana gets drunk (having shots) at a club and "drunk dials" Christian.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Drinking, Drugs & Smoking in your kid's entertainment guide.

Positive Messages

A key takeaway is to develop a strong sense of self esteem so you don't compromise in your relationships. Although Ana starts the movie insecure and upset, she ends it knowing what she does and doesn't want out of her romantic relationship with Christian.

Positive Role Models

Ana's roommate encourages her to take things slow and "at her own pace" with Christian; Ana starts the movie as an insecure virgin but later discovers her own boundaries, desires, and limits when it comes to a sexual relationship.

Parents need to know that Fifty Shades of Grey is the sexually explicit adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel by E.L. James (which began its life as Twilight fan fiction). It shouldn't surprise anyone who has read or heard about the popular book (and its sequels) that it's not at all appropriate for teens and features an unhealthy relationship between an inexperienced college graduate and a 27-year-old billionaire with a bondage/dominant-submissive (BDSM) fetish. The adults-only drama is filled with graphic sex scenes, most of which include close-up shots of naked breasts, buttocks, and even glimpses of genitalia (though they're all just shy of being completely "full frontal"). Although the sex scenes are consensual, many involve hitting and being tied up, and there's a potentially disturbing scene in which Christian "punishes" Anastasia, hurting her so much she weeps. The language is also strong, with words like "f--k," "s--t," and "a--hole" used frequently, and there's frequent drinking and lots of brand/product placement. Note: This review is of the R-rated version of the film shown in theaters, not the unrated cut released on DVD; the latter contains additional mature content. To stay in the loop on more movies like this, you can sign up for weekly Family Movie Night emails .

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Parent and Kid Reviews

• Parents say (49)
• Kids say (147)

Based on 49 parent reviews

Why man why

If this is shown to anyone under 18 that's child abuse, what's the story.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY the movie -- like the best-selling erotic novel it's based on -- is a simple story: Virginal college senior Anastasia Steele ( Dakota Johnson ) must step in for her journalism major roommate, Kate, to interview 27-year-old billionaire Christian Grey ( Jamie Dornan ), who's immediately taken with the soft-spoken brunette. After purposely bumping into her a couple more times, Christian reveals that he'd like Anastasia to sign a contract to engage in a dominant-submissive sexual relationship with him. But Anastasia, a virgin, has no idea what she's comfortable with until they start an intense sexual affair that makes both of them question everything they thought about relationships.

Is It Any Good?

It's all relative, of course, but this movie is infinitely better than the poorly written book it's based on, which is a best-seller because of the naughty bits, rather than the prose. As expected, the script nixes some of the book's more cringe-inducing elements (no "inner goddess" or constant exclamations of "Geez") while staying faithful to the minimalist storyline. Johnson is actually quite good as Anastasia, giving her the right amount of vulnerability and curiosity, but Dornan is nothing more than scowling eye-candy. He doesn't have a commanding enough presence to be believable in his role, though at least he's got the brooding right. While the pair generates more heat than the negative press about them would suggest, it's not nearly enough to merit the third of the movie they spend having or talking about sex.

In fact, Fifty Shades of Grey 's best moments have no nudity in them at all: an innuendo-filled conversation in the hardware store where Ana works, for example; or a silly drunken phone call; or the early part of a "business meeting" to negotiate what Anastasia will and won't do with Christian. The sex is shot in such extreme close-ups that audiences might find themselves unintentionally laughing at the contrast between Johnson's unwavering enthusiasm and Dornan's look of sheer boredom or disinterest. Devoted fans of James' trilogy will be thrilled to know that the studio has committed to making all three of the books into movies, while those who were expecting an utter disaster will have to settle for an "erotic movie" with a soundtrack that's sexier than its storyline.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about how sex is depicted in Fifty Shades of Grey . Is the central sexual relationship in the story a healthy one? Why, or why not? Parents, talk to your teens about your own values regarding sex and relationships.

Why do you think this book and movie are so popular? Is it an appropriate story for teens? The author began her tale as Twilight fan fiction; can you see any of Edward and Bella in these characters and their relationship?

Does the fact that the characters' relationship is consensual make everything they do together OK? What sets their activities apart from abuse/domestic violence?

Are any of the characters intended to be role models? Are they sympathetic? Why, or why not?

Movie Details

• In theaters : February 13, 2015
• On DVD or streaming : May 8, 2015
• Cast : Dakota Johnson , Jamie Dornan , Eloise Mumford
• Director : Sam Taylor-Johnson
• Inclusion Information : Female directors, Female actors
• Studio : Focus Features
• Genre : Drama
• Topics : Book Characters
• Run time : 125 minutes
• MPAA rating : R
• MPAA explanation : strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language
• Last updated : June 14, 2024

Did we miss something on diversity?

Research shows a connection between kids' healthy self-esteem and positive portrayals in media. That's why we've added a new "Diverse Representations" section to our reviews that will be rolling out on an ongoing basis. You can help us help kids by suggesting a diversity update.

Suggest an Update

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• DVD & Streaming

Fifty Shades of Grey

• Drama , Romance

Content Caution

In Theaters

• February 13, 2015
• Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele; Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey; Jennifer Ehle as Carla; Eloise Mumford as Kate; Victor Rasuk as Jose; Luke Grimes as Elliot Grey; Marcia Gay Harden as Mrs. Grey

Home Release Date

• May 8, 2015
• Sam Taylor-Johnson

Distributor

• Universal Pictures

Movie Review

Blame the common cold for what follows.

Kate Kavanagh was all set to interview the dashing young business magnate Christian Grey. The soon-to-be-journalism graduate had her questions at the ready, a recorder primed to catch every word and pause. But wouldn’t you know it, a virus turned Kate into a walking mass of sniffles and sneezes, and she knows the only interview she’ll be doing will be with a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup.

The interview still has to get done for the college paper. So Kate asks her roomie, Anastasia Steele, if she might fill in. Hey, the girl’s an English lit major, right? Close enough to journalism.

Thoughtful roommate that she is, Ana dutifully heads to Christian’s oh-so-chic Seattle offices. “Clean,” she later describes him—crisp in his gray suit and tie, precise in movement and language, Ken Doll pretty, intimidating. Flustered, she’s forgotten a pen. He gives her a pencil.

What’s the secret of his success, she asks. He has a way with people, he says. He can evaluate them quickly and utilize them to fulfill his needs. When she suggests he’s something of a control freak, he agrees. “I exercise control in all things, Ms. Steele.” What does he like to do in his spare time? “I enjoy various physical pursuits,” he says, a hint of a smile playing across his face.

And then he begins asking Ana questions.

“There’s really not much to know about me,” Ana says with a blush.

Christian won’t believe that. And perhaps in that moment, the young tycoon decides to know Ana in every way possible.

Positive Elements

We are broken people living in a broken world, and Christian is a prime example. “I’m 50 shades of f—ed up,” he admits, and both Ana and the audience will ultimately agree.

Positive? Not even close. But Fifty Shades of Grey is actually a bit more than just a squalid exploration of one man’s sexual predilections. In Ana, it gives us a woman who wants to heal his brokenness. Let drop the sordid trappings in which Grey flails, and you’re left with a lopsided love story of sorts—a longing for real intimacy, a desire to partner with someone in every capacity. Ana longs for a bond far stronger and more powerful than the handcuffs Christian so likes. And Christian—as much as he tries to make the relationship all about sex—also finds that love is getting in the way.

Christian’s drive to inflict pain ultimately tears the two apart. Ana walks out, refusing to be treated as merely an object for his pleasure and reservoir for pain. We know from subsequent books that their estrangement is not permanent, of course. But this movie, at least, offers a small statement as it ends supporting self-worth and respect.

Sexual Content

Moreover, Ana and Christian’s sexual relationship is predicated on bondage and sadomasochism. It’s a predilection extreme enough for Christian to make Ana sign a nondisclosure statement beforehand. Ana and Christian also go over a sexual-behavior and -expectation contract that prompts a conversation about specific sex acts too detailed and graphic to print. There are references to prostitution and necrophilia.

Sadder than all of that is Christian’s insistence that he wants all sex to be divorced from any sort of love or intimacy. He’s averse even to Ana touching him. And it’s worth noting that Christian’s violent and narcissistic approach to sex stems, it’s suggested, from sexual abuse he suffered as a teen.

Violent Content

All of that some might claim is done in the name of sexual stimulation. But then Christian flat-out “punishes” Ana by beating her bare backside with a belt—hard.

Christian’s and Ana’s relationship, clearly, is predicated on an abusive power differential. Even when the two are not engaged in sadomasochistic sex, their dynamic is fraught with a sense of domination and subjugation—of predator and prey. Christian is meant to come off as dangerous at times, which makes us fear at times for Ana even when no obvious physical threat is present. And there’s a sense that Ana’s psyche, even more than her body, is in constant danger at her boyfriend’s hand. “You’re mine!” he tells her in a severe tone. “All mine! Understand?”

When Christian buys rope, cable ties and duct tape at a hardware store, Ana jokes, “You’re the complete serial killer!” Christian’s chest has scars that he refuses to talk about—the insinuation being that his mother caused them.

Crude or Profane Language

Seven or eight f-words and one s-word. “D–n” and “h—” are used a couple of times apiece. God’s name is misused more than a dozen times.

Drug and Alcohol Content

Ana does shots and gets drunk, staggering a bit. Other characters drink wine regularly, and also quaff champagne and margaritas. Christian scolds Ana for having “another Cosmo” with her mother (excess alcohol consumption is forbidden under the terms of the contract). We learn that Christian’s mother was a crack addict (who died when he was 4).

Other Negative Elements

While drunk, Ana throws up. When she wakes up the next morning, Christian tells her he’s sent his chauffeur to buy her new clothes since hers were covered with vomit.

In Fifty Shades of Grey’ s most brutal scene, Christian—driven by a compulsion even he can’t understand—decides he must “punish” Ana. He forces the naked girl to bend over and begins hitting her with a belt, telling her to count as the blows land. “One,” she says softly after the first. “Two,” she sobs, tears streaming down her face. Her voice never rises, never finds a way past the very real physical and yet so very emotional pain.

When she reaches “six,” the punishment is over. She gets up, covering her breasts in embarrassment and humiliation—staring in horror at this half-man, half-monster she so cared for.

“Did that give you pleasure?” she hisses at Christian, each word covered in ice.

In the Bible, the number six is associated with man—his weakness, his imperfection, his fall. Strangely fitting, then, that Christian set the limit of his lashes at six, that his actions so clearly illustrate what happens when men try to fix their own brokenness. An imagined Eden is shattered, Eve covers herself in shame.

Based on E L James’ best-selling novel and nearly unrivaled cultural sensation, Fifty Shades of Grey gives us not one but two broken people hoping to find salvation in each other. This is a love story, it could be said. But any love story without God gets twisted into a broken, heartbreaking jumble. We go to extremes when we try to sate our leaking souls with the stuff of this world. When we don’t understand the love of Christ, we don’t understand love at all. We needlessly hurt the ones we think we love. We confuse words like honor and obey with subjugation and degradation . We have a monster within us, all of us. We make a mess of things.

And what a mess this movie is.

For men, it can push us toward fixation on dark and dangerous fantasies. And that’s before even mentioning the nudity. For women, we’re given the deceptive allure of an abusive protagonist who checks, it seems, many a literary fantasy box: a strong, good-looking, fabulously wealthy and (this is key) broken man who needs to be shown what real love is.

This is why Ana suffers such abuse. This is why so many of us are reading and watching. Never mind whether the content contained in Fifty Shades of Grey falls short of or crosses over a legal definition of domestic abuse or pornography; with a cancerous intensity it caters to the cravings and hungers that all pornography serves. Porn rips us away from the real, flesh-and-blood people in our lives. It feeds unrealistic, dangerous and hurtful expectations of what sex and love can be twisted into. As it becomes ever more pervasive in our culture, it damages and abuses us in ways that we’re just beginning to fully understand.

A postscript. There is much more to be said, of course, about Fifty Shades of Grey and its impact on all of us. And so we’ve covered both the books and the movie in our Blog. Link here to read:

We’re Reviewing Fifty Shades of Grey. Here’s Why. Fifty Trades of ‘Shades’? Fifty Shades of Abusive Influence?

Paul Asay has been part of the Plugged In staff since 2007, watching and reviewing roughly 15 quintillion movies and television shows. He’s written for a number of other publications, too, including Time, The Washington Post and Christianity Today. The author of several books, Paul loves to find spirituality in unexpected places, including popular entertainment, and he loves all things superhero. His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies. He’s married, has two children and a neurotic dog, runs marathons on occasion and hopes to someday own his own tuxedo. Feel free to follow him on Twitter @AsayPaul.

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• Review: <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i>: Where’s the Wicked Whiplash?

Review: Fifty Shades of Grey : Where’s the Wicked Whiplash?

I come as a virgin to the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, having read not a word of E L James’ three bestsellers — ignorant of the voluminous online commentaries, knowing little of the movie adaptation. So I take notes, like Washington State University student Anastasia Steele, and share them with you.

Here are 15 takes on Fifty Shades:

1. Anastasia (Dakota Johnson in the movie) literally stumbles into a meeting with Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), 27-year-old owner of a huge Seattle IT company to which he pays almost no attention, since he is instantly obsessed with the frazzled, unconfident, we-won’t-say-mousy Anastasia. Smitten, he proposes that she be his sex slave — under stringent, lavish conditions. She takes the first book to consider his proposal and the rest of the trilogy to … well, you probably know. I don’t. Anyway, there are three.

2. A hundred million copies sold! And apparently it’s the lowest form of prose fiction — less literature than shiterature — with the enticement of gaudy bondage-and-discipline scenes. Inspired by the young adult Twilight series, James wrote for Actual Adults: women, mostly, to whose wishes, feats and dreams the risky romance of Ana and Christian spoke.

3. The Fifty Shades of Grey film opens in a double-whammy four days — Valentine’s Day in the middle of Presidents’ Day weekend — and is expected to stoke a $90-million windfall. For some, it’s a hearts-and-floggers date movie: A couple attends the movie, then he asks, “Dinner or my Red Room of Pain?” And mothers in the mall, they’ll tell their kids to go back and see the SpongeBob SquarePants movie another time-and-a-half. “Mom has some shopping to do” — for fantasies of romance and submission, whips and wisdom.

4. Among the early reviews, the critics are split between favorable and dismissive. And not to bury the lede any deeper, I’ll say while watching Fifty Shades I kept waiting to tumble into derision but never got there. My early curiosity built to a cozy level of admiration, then drifted off into ennui.

5. James (real name: Erika Mitchell) tweaked the Twilight teen virgin Bella Swan into the slightly older Anastasia, and reimagined sensitive vampire Edward as the well-mannered sadist Christian. The result had all the fidelity and floridity of fan fiction. The movie, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson and scripted by Kelly Marcel, is just the opposite. It’s as if the filmmakers didn’t care much for the book’s literary lapses and dramatic excesses, and set out to make a solidly ethereal romance about a smart girl who realizes her strength when she meets a lost boy eager to fill her power vacuum.

6. Gone is James’s careless jargon; Anastasia doesn’t keep saying “Holy crap!” Diminished, degraded or simply hinted at are The Big Scenes. Johnson and Dornan spend plenty of time undressed (she fully nude, he topless but rarely trouserless or towelless); there are spankings and just a soupçon of wicked whiplash. But the lovemaking is mostly tender, canoodling, cuddling. It’s all foreplay. Creating a genteel R-rated film from a very X-rated book is like making a Mamma Mia! movie without the songs.

7. Sadomasochistic romance ought to be a burgeoning movie genre, because it touches on the power vectors in any relationship, and because each person frequently switches roles of dominant and submissive: you’re on top, you give in. Once in a while such a story connects becomes a film sensation, as when Marlon Brando toyed with Maria Schneider in an unfurnished Paris hotel room in Bernardo Bertolucci’s Last Tango in Paris . Mark Rylance took the Brando role, and Kerry Fox the Schneider, in the more sexually explicit art-house drama Intimacy in 2001.

8. Last Tango was so long ago, 1972. Back then, films strove mightily to be as mature and confrontational as novels and theater; and a movie house was the only place that a group of strangers could find public connection to erotic ecstasy and anguish. Shortly thereafter ( Star Wars ), cinema reverted to a kids’ medium and trained audiences to want only spectacle and sensation: action epics, horror films, rowdy comedies — circuses. Let’s go Wow, Eek or Ha together. Watching people make love is not participatory but nakedly voyeuristic; everyone in the auditorium feels weird. They laugh nervously or contemptuously, to prove their superiority to the urgent intensity on screen. Besides, they don’t need simulated sex in a theater; they can see the real thing for free, online at home.

9. But the E L James readership presumably wanted to see writhing, walloped bodies in the movie. Why is it rated R, not NC-17? For the reason most things are what they are in Hollywood: greed. Many theaters would not show a scrupulous adaptation; fewer people would pay to see it. Hence this Fifty Shades of Pale Grey , which underlines the filmmakers’ intuition that this is less a sex tale than a love story.

10. Or possibly a commodity exchange. Christian, a dreamboat in conservative coiffure and couture, is a 50-year dreamboat throwback: a generic James Bond, or Hugh Hefner’s early Playboy man , whose essential accessories included sleek cars, well-chosen wines and a stock of beautiful women. Christian tries to win Anastasia by buying her things (a car, a new wardrobe) and paying her things (attention, respect). He takes her for a trip in his private helicopter, first applying seat belts like airborne erotic restraints, and somersaulting in a glider. It’s a seductive dream of luxe, but maybe more his than hers. She will let her mind lead her heart, in a long, amusing debate in contract law: the terms of Christian’s pre- whup . Anastasia gives it so much scrupulous attention — no fisting, for example — that any signer of a smartphone or health-club agreement would be wise to engage her as an advisor.

11. Ideally, sadomasochism is the most complementary of sexual role-players. You can’t have one without the other. Otherwise, it’s torture. (That’s what safe words are for.) Christian, veteran of 15 previous dominant-submissive relationships, has chosen Anastasia as his next partner. But she needs to decide if pain can give her pleasure. Does she like it? Can she stand it, for love of him? Can she upend his priorities and make herself the dominant? The 514 pages of the first Fifty Shade s book, and the two-hour movie, still haven’t answered that question. Stay tuned for two more sequels.

12. In Christian’s “playroom,” decorated like the upmarket gift shop of a Louisiana bordello, we finally get to the climax: six whacks of a riding crop, which he gently, carefully prepares her for. Even by movie standards, the flogging is more ceremonial than sadistic. It hasn’t nearly the sickening impact of the 40 lashes given Mel Gibson’s Jesus in The Passion of the Christ , or the eight or 10 minutes spent on the torture of poor Patsey in 12 Years a Slave . The Fifty Shades scene is brief and demure. One might like to see the impact of Christian’s whipping on Ana’s emotions: perhaps pain shading into surprised enjoyment, or hardening into the resolve of revenge. But that’s for some other movie. Don’t we all dream up our private ones?

13. So Christian is a shade of Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy. Dornan, 32 and Irish, is old-school handsome with soft features. He could be the young Colin Firth, minus the sad merriment in his eyes. (For film-history symmetry, Jennifer Ehle, who was Elizabeth Bennet to Firth’s Darcy in the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries, plays Anastasia’s blowzy mother.) The producers first hoped to cast Ryan Gosling, but he would have made Christian sulkier, more brooding, more Heathcliff. Manacles on the moors!

14. The movie’s warming revelation is Johnson as Anastasia. The 25-year-old daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson (and looking like neither of them), she has the gift of signaling her character’s shifting thoughts and feelings through the ripples of smile lines on either side of her mouth. Director Taylor-Johnson relies on closeups of her star as the heroine, the wordless narrator and the go-between, assuring the audience that what goes on will have a measure of emotional intelligence.

15. Having built tension by nicely guiding viewers smoothly through Christian’s courtship of Ana, Taylor-Johnson has little to deliver as a climax, erotic or dramatic. The submissive gets cropped, doesn’t like it and walks out, in an ending that is startlingly abrupt — and, to one impressionable audience of New York critics, the cue for a thunderclap of pig-snorts. The real moviegoers who see it by the tens of millions this weekend may have a reaction more like mine: muted, pleased and restless in turn. We’ll all have participated in an international event that, like the Super Bowl, needn’t be loved but must be endured. And in a movie universe where a grownup couple rarely gets the chance to challenge each other with love and bondage, Fifty Shades of Grey offers the first can’t-miss Date Night film since Gone Girl .

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Fifty Shades of Grey

By Peter Travers

Peter Travers

I’m shocked — shocked, do you hear me?!? — that the film version of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey is such a dull, decorous affair, about as erotic as an ad for Pottery Barn. Yeah, the book attracted 100 million readers in 52 languages. But the book sucked. I know there are three novels ( Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed ),  but I only made it through the first one. Literary torture isn’t my thing. But at least James suggested there might be something to learn from what connects a dominant and a submissive. (Only amateurs say “sadist” and “masochist.”)

Onscreen, directed by a slumming Sam Taylor-Johnson ( Nowhere Man ) from a sanitized script by Kelly Marcel, we have the story of a poor, virginal English major — one Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson). She finds the perfect man: Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), a 27-year-old,  techno-billionaire  hottie out to stop world hunger. Christian has a single flaw — he gets off by blindfolding Ana, tying her up in his Red Room of Pain, cuffing her to the wall and flogging her. What’s a girl to do?

According  to the romance-novel sympathies of this movie, the answer is: domesticate him into a normal guy who’ll cuddle in the sack, charm her parents and do her bidding. Whoops! Now who’s being the dominant? Instead of dinner and a movie, Christian offers a contract that spells out how he wants to hold Ana in bondage with sex toys such as butt plugs and genital clamps. This being a consensual love story, Ana says no to anal and vaginal fisting. It’s quite the negotiation. Christian sweetens the deal by dressing her in high fashion, supplying a computer (the Apple plugs are relentless), buying a sports car, flying her around the Pacific Northwest in his chopper, taking her hang-gliding and — aww, he cares! — gifting her with first editions of Thomas Hardy. Where’s the rough stuff?  

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Since the filmmakers are basically remaking Twilight with spikes standing in for vampire teeth, there isn’t any. No need to lock up grandma. Director Taylor-Johnson shoots all this crotch nuzzling and nipple nibbling with the careful good taste of a headmistress with strict instructions not to let the naughty kids get out of hand. The soothing soundtrack, purred and panted by the likes of Beyoncé, Ellie Goulding and Sia, help the few sex scenes (most saved for last) play like vintage MTV videos — all gloss, no grit. The movie shies away from welts, bruises and bodily fluids, though we do get a quick peek at Christian’s junk while he spanks Ana’s naked ass to a blushing pink.

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If you’re still with me, and I don’t blame you if you’re not, this kind of Cinderella porn is what substitutes for the book’s darker, bloodier fantasies. Sorry pervs, the tampon scene is gone! Amazingly, Johnson ( The Social Network , 21 Jump Street ), the daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson and no relation to the director, plays all this silliness as if she means it. She’s the one bright spot in a film that deals with sex by removing the joy of  it. Luckily, Johnson suggests her mother’s pert, Working Girl mischief and gives Ana a core of feisty intelligence the book never hinted at. Sadly, costar Dornan, an Irish model-turned actor (he’s quite good being bad on the BBC series The Fall ), gives her a brick wall to act with. Either pulverized with fear or embarrassment, Dornan seems to have no idea who or what he is playing.  Can’t blame him: Christian has no shades. He’s a human Ken doll with a kinky set of accessories that go unused. Don’t want to frighten the little girls of all ages and sexes who will line up to see this sanitized swill.

A few early reviews have given the film a pass because it’s not as dirty as advertised. They seem grateful. I’m disappointed. Twisted me! The true audiences for Fifty Shades of Grey are gluttons for punishment — by boredom.

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Fifty Shades Freed : A Spoilereview

Another sequel so awful that it needs to be described in detail to be believed

For reasons that are now obscure to me—and were by definition ill-conceived—I read Fifty Shades of Grey at that terrible moment in American history when it seemed that everyone else was reading it too. I don’t believe that I read either of the book’s sequels, though I can’t attest to that with much confidence. Suffice to say that I made either the wise decision to skip them or the only marginally less-wise decision to repress all memory of them.

But writing about movies is something I’m paid to do, and occasionally that entails a degree of professional self-sacrifice. This week, the name of that sacrifice is Fifty Shades Freed .

The third and final—let’s pause and savor that word for a moment—adaptation of the “erotic romance” novel series by Erika Mitchell (pen name: E. L. James), Fifty Shades Freed is precisely as atrocious as one might imagine. Which is to say, it is far worse than the first movie —which, though awful, in hindsight looks like Citizen Kane , only with more discussion of dildos. I’d place the new film more or less on a par with the second one , Fifty Shades Darker , which makes sense given that both were filmed concurrently, were directed by James Foley (whose principal recommendation is that he directed Glengarry Glen Ross many, many years ago), and were adapted by Niall Leonard (whose principal recommendation is that he is married to Erika Mitchell).

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The good news—and, yes, we are grading on a curve so steep that it’s essentially a vertical drop—is that Fifty Shades Freed is marginally less retrograde and offensive than Fifty Shades Darker . The bad news is that it is even more idiotic, which is in its way a remarkable achievement.

In any case, like its predecessor , it is eminently deserving of one in my occasional series of spoilereviews: a linear enunciation of all the stupid elements of the film that I managed to scribble into my notebook during the screening. (Other examples of the microgenre have included Lucy , Fantastic Four , The Happening , and The Gunman .) To be clear: What follows will give away as many plot developments as possible, as it is intended to serve as an alternative to actually seeing the movie. But I feel confident that the universe of people who would like to laugh at this film is considerably larger than the universe of those who are actually willing to sit through it. So here goes.

1. To catch up anyone who is either unfamiliar with the series or as adept as I may be in the art of repression: In the first film, Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), a virginal college student, was persuaded by the billionaire entrepreneur Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) to become his S&M sexual “submissive.” She rebelled vaguely at the end of the film, only to be successfully wooed again in the second, which largely set aside the naughty S&M theme that had been the entire rationale for the enterprise in the first place. (Its “climax” was that Christian took Ana to his Red Room of Pain and … applied massage oil.) The only other bits that I think were of any importance are that 1) Ana’s boss at the Seattle publishing house where she worked sexually assaulted her, so Christian pulled strings to have him fired; and 2) Christian proposed marriage, offering a ring large enough to double as a bocce ball, and Ana accepted.

2. So Fifty Shades Freed opens with a wedding. We watch the gorgeous lace of Ana’s wedding dress being buttoned; we marvel at the hefty, masculine majesty of Christian’s cuff links. Alas, their vows are heartbreakingly conventional: “I promise to love, trust, and protect you”; “I give you my hand and my heart, for as long as we both shall live.” Boo! Where are the references to domination and submission, to flogging and spanking, to the Red Room? What movie is this?

3. After some dancing, Christian tells Ana, “Let’s get out of here. I’m sick of sharing you with all the riff-raff.” Not to get all class warrior here, but that may not be the best phrase for a billionaire to throw around with his now billionaire-by-marriage wife. It sounds a tad, let us say, Steve Mnuchin-y.

4. Christian whisks Ana to the airport, where a private jet is waiting. “You own this?” she asks, incredulous. Hello? He’s spent two movies taking her up in gliders and helicopters and out on million-dollar sailboats. She’s surprised he has a private jet? Ana actually seems to remember what happened in those films even less than I do.

5. Paris! If the Eiffel Tower didn’t give it away, the movie adds the Arc de Triomphe as a secondary clue. They go to the opera. They hold hands. They have tasteful, from-a-distance, no-nudity sex. This may be the worst advertisement for marriage of all time. Your most conservative grandparent is probably getting bored about now.

6. They continue on to the Côte d’Azur. At a topless beach, Ana wants to take off her bikini top, but lifelong-pervert-turned-sudden-prude Christian forbids it. When he goes for a swim, she takes her top off anyway, which may be the most self-actualized thing she’s done in all the movies combined. Progress, I guess.

7. They go back to the luxury yacht they’re staying on. Christian, still peeved that Ana disobeyed him re: toplessness, pulls out handcuffs. She seems aghast. Once again, it appears that she has no recollection of the previous two movies. Is there a roofie subtext to the whole trilogy that is never made explicit?

8. Alas, the honeymoon is cut short. A female subordinate of Christian’s calls to tell him that someone broke into his company’s “server room” and detonated an “explosive device.” Watching the security footage, Ana recognizes the intruder as Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson), the former boss who attacked her and was essentially fired by Christian. “Why would he do that?” Ana asks. Really? Crazy or not, his motive seems pretty self-evident. Or is it?

8a. Yes, Jack “Hyde” easily wins the otherwise-close competition for most ridiculously metaphorical surname.

8b. As I noted in the spoilereview for the previous movie, with the exception of security guards, virtually all subordinates in the Fifty Shades universe are female. I may be missing some small exception somewhere, but perhaps the most consistently clear message of the whole series is that women always work for men and not the reverse.

9. Back at Christian’s penthouse apartment in Seattle, Ana meets the staff and is flabbergasted at the question of how she wishes to “run the household.” I swear she was unconscious throughout the first two movies. How I envy her.

10. Ana dismisses the cook for the night because she wants to make dinner. Christian: “I could get used to you in the kitchen.” Ana: “Barefoot and pregnant?” Christian is obviously nonplussed by this response, and it doesn’t appear that it’s over Ana’s possible neglect of footwear. This is what in introductory screenwriting classes is called foreshadowing .

11. Ana shows up at work at the publishing house that exists to imply that she has a “job” even though she almost never seems to perform it. There she learns that she has been promoted to “fiction editor.” A subordinate, Liz (of course: a woman), tartly points out that the promotion occurred despite the fact that “you weren’t even here.”

11a. Unless I’m sorely mistaken, Ana was already promoted to fiction editor in the last movie, after Christian fired the previous fiction editor, her sexually assaulting then-boss, Jack. Maybe she was only acting fiction editor? Or maybe this movie has no better sense of what’s already transpired than Ana herself?

11b. It’s also very much worth noting that in the last movie Christian purchased the publishing house where Ana works, becoming, as they joke repeatedly, her “boss’s boss’s boss.” (Funny!) Could this have played a role in Ana’s meteoric rise from just-graduated newbie assistant to senior editor? Duh, although no one seems to notice but that cranky subordinate Liz. (More on her later.) One could almost imagine Fifty Shades Freed having a deeper, subversive level, in which the wildly rich, constantly self-indulgent Ana and Christian are the villains, and their many lower-income foils and employees are the heroes. But this is a movie that could hardly make more conspicuous that it doesn’t have “levels.”

12. Christian barges into Ana’s office, as he frequently does. He’s mad that she hasn’t changed her email address to “Anastasia Grey .” She explains that she wants to use her maiden name at work and that she loves her job. He explains that she “can’t love it as Anastasia Steele .” (Lest we forget, he is her boss’s boss’s boss, after all.) He adds that she got her job “through hard work and talent.” Pretty much everyone at the screening I attended laughed.

13. He shows her his fancy new product-placed Audi sports car. She pleads, “Can I drive? Let me drive. Let me drive it.” He ignores her and drives it himself.

14. He takes her to a beautiful lakeside mansion, and she says she feels as though she’s been there before. He reminds her that she saw it when they were out on the sailboat in the previous movie, so he bought it for her.

15. He’s hired an architect, Gia, who meets them at the house. She is beautiful and clearly has her eyes on Christian. Will she be the foil/complication that this limp film so desperately needs? No, she will not. This is the only time we see her, although characters will refer back to how wonderful her breasts are on multiple occasions.

16. Gia wants to tear down the entire mansion and replace it with an ultra-modern “smart home” featuring self-cleaning windows. Ana hates this idea and hates the way Gia looks at Christian, so she tells her, “You may call me Mrs. Grey . Or you can get back into your shit-colored car and drive back to Seattle.” It’s genuinely head-spinning how quickly Ana has changed her mind on the whole surname question and gone from Nice Girl Next Door to Nasty Entitled Rich Person. But at least she doesn’t call Gia “riff-raff.”

17. Christian is so impressed with Ana’s transformation that he allows her to drive the car. That puts him a full four months ahead of Saudi Arabia, which has announced that it is rescinding its ban on women drivers in June. Delighted at her newfound right, Ana enthuses, “I’m a race-car driver!” Attentive viewers may notice the echo of the last movie, in which Christian let her take the wheel of the sailboat and she gushed, “I can’t believe I’m doing this! I’m the captain!”

18. A mysterious SUV starts tailing them—is it Jack?—leading to what may be the least dynamic car chase committed to celluloid since the retirement of the Model T. After losing the SUV, they pull into a parking lot. Ana climbs onto Christian’s lap and they have sex. Ana giggles.

19. Christian needs to go to New York for meetings. Ana offers to give him a haircut and asks where the scissors are. He says they’re in his desk, and when she goes to look for them she finds a revolver. Is this an example of the dramatic principle of “ Chekhov’s gun ”? Of course it is. While Ana cuts Christian’s hair, he gropes her. She giggles.

20. Christian, concerned about the possible threat from Jack, makes Ana promise to come directly home from work while he’s out of town. Instead, she goes out drinking with her friend Kate. When she gets back to the apartment, Jack is waiting for her with a kitchen knife. Luckily, he’s captured by Ana’s two security guards. One says, “You better restrain him.” The other replies: “I don’t have anything.” Ana announces: “We do.” This is the high point of the movie so far, and perhaps the only intentionally comic moment of the series to date.

20a. It’s worth noting that Jack, whose only job that we’re aware of was as a fiction editor, has essentially become a super-criminal, capable of penetrating extensive security to attack Christian’s corporate office and very nearly kidnap his wife. Keep this in mind the next time you piss off a fiction editor.

21. When Ana wakes up, Christian is back and is angrily morning-drinking. Later on, he will take her to the Red Room and torment her with a vibrator without allowing her sexual release. He explains that this is how he feels when she doesn’t do what he asks. It doesn’t seem like a very apt comparison.

22. Ana and Christian puzzle over why Jack (now incarcerated) has been out to get them. Once again, does anyone remember the previous movie, in which they had him fired for sexual assault, effectively ending his career?

23. Ana is back at work when Christian shows up unannounced. “I think you deserve a break,” he declares, before bundling her onto a plane to Aspen. It’s becoming increasingly clear that Ana’s job at the publishing house is simply to wait around until Christian barges in crankily or whisks her away for an impromptu vacation.

23a. Could this last detail be semi-autobiographical? If the fiction editor in charge of Erika Mitchell’s Fifty Shades novels spent all of her time on vacation, it might help explain the books’ overall quality.

24. Ana and Christian are in Aspen, along with his brother, Elliott, her friend Kate—the two are dating—his sister, Mia, and her boyfriend. Christian plays “ Maybe I’m Amazed ” on the piano and sings, faux soulfully. Mia’s boyfriend, speaking for the entire filmgoing audience, says, “Maybe I’ve heard enough.” This is the movie’s second high point. There won’t be a third.

25. Ana has a nightmare about Jack. Christian wakes up to find her in the kitchen eating ice cream. She spoons some onto his chest and licks it off. He spoons some onto her inner thighs and licks it off. They have sex on the table. Ana giggles. Look, I’m all for having fun during sex, but if I were Christian I’d be concerned about the fact that Ana giggles every time he drops trou.

26. Christian’s security guard has done a background check on Jack and determined that before coming to Seattle he was also a fiction editor in New York and Chicago. (That’s probably how he learned to be a criminal mastermind.) Also, he was in and out of foster homes in Detroit. Christian says, “So was I.” To quote the great Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog : “ What a crazy random happenstance. ”

27. Elliott proposes to Kate, but not before mentioning how promiscuous he was before he met her. Pro tip, fellas: Leave that part out.

28. Back in Seattle, Christian takes Ana to the Red Room and has her choose one of his assortment of butt plugs. Later, at work, she reminisces about the experience. So I guess that’s a third thing her job entails. Meanwhile, a judge releases Jack on bail for no discernable reason whatsoever.

29. Ana goes to the gynecologist. It turns out she has repeatedly forgotten to take her contraceptive shots and is now six to seven weeks pregnant. But cut her some slack: It’s hard to stay on top of every little bit of life maintenance when you spend all your time taking vacations and fantasizing about butt plugs.

30. Ana tells Christian about the pregnancy over dinner. He’s furious. (Remember his “barefoot and pregnant” response?) He stays out late and gets drunk, and when he returns Ana learns that he’s been out with Elena Lincoln, the older woman who seduced him into S&M when he was 15. Now she’s angry and locks herself in the Red Room to sleep. The fact that this is what it’s now being used for tells you pretty much everything you need to know about the erotic quotient of the movie.

31. Ana tells Christian, “Babies happen when you have sex.” A more accurate formulation would be, “Babies happen when you have sex and can’t be bothered to keep up with a form of contraception that is specifically designed for its extreme ease of use.”

32. At work, Ana gets a call from Jack, who has kidnapped Christian’s sister, Mia. Ana must get him $5 million dollars in cash within a few hours or he’ll kill her. Ana mustn’t tell Christian.

33. Are you bored yet? I am. After all, the whole point of this exercise is to take less time than the movie itself. So let’s cut to the chase. Through comically absurd machinations, Ana gets the money and meets Jack at an abandoned building on the edge of town. It turns out he has an accomplice: Liz, the subordinate who thought it odd that Ana got a big promotion despite not having been in the office for weeks. Jack punches and kicks Ana. But she brought the pistol from the desk—thank you, Chekhov!—and shoots Jack in the leg. The police arrive as Ana passes out.

34. After Ana returns home from the hospital, she and Christian receive more information about Jack. It turns out that—wait for it—he and Christian spent time in the same foster home in Detroit when they were kids. Christian was adopted by a rich family, while Jack was left behind, destined for a life of drudgery and destitution as a high-end fiction editor. That’s why he was out to get Ana and Christian.

35. Christian feels bad about the charmed life he’s led. Ana reminds him, “You’re a man of honor. And you treat people well.” She has literally forgotten every single thing that’s happened throughout the course of these films.

36. The movie ends with a montage reminding us of all Ana and Christian’s romantic moments together. (None, notably, are from the current film.) He saves her from being run over by a bicyclist; he takes her up in a helicopter, a glider, and a private jet; he brings her out on a sailboat. It was only now that I realized: This entire trilogy has been an R-rated version of Richard Scarry’s Cars and Trucks and Things That Go . Which raises the inevitable question: Will Christian let Ana drive the pickle car?

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Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Review: 50 Problems With the Raunchy Flick

2 stars (out of 4)  

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy asks girl to be his sexual submissive. That kinky love story sparked a best-selling phenomenon — but its adaptation is a limp bore. In no order, here are 50 reasons why: 

1. First off, I get it. This flick isn’t intended to be a polished work of high art — you just want an escapist night out. But it’s not fun enough to be enjoyed over popcorn or emotionally charged enough to be taken seriously. It’s not even campy enough make it a future cult classic. It’s just mediocre. The most damning fate of all.

Related: PHOTOS: Dakota Johnson's red carpet style

2. Anastasia Steele ( Dakota Johnson ) is a virginal, soon-to-be college grad sent to interview 27-year-old billionaire benefactor Christian Grey ( Jamie Dornan ) in Seattle in place of her sick roommate. (Fine, this isn’t a problem. Just need to need to get the premise out of the way.)

3. As soon as Ana bites her lower lip, Mr. Grey decides to pursue her. Yet the banter is so awkward that you’re more likely to be entranced by his sleek office aesthetics. 

4. Author E L James wrote her novel from Ana’s awestruck perspective. On the big screen, our leading lady can’t internalize.

5. …And though Johnson does a nice job at conveying the character’s sweet vulnerability, she’s can’t quite show the range of required emotions. 

6. Christian Grey has piercing gray eyes. James noted this roughly 87 times. Dornan’s eyes are just a fine shade of blue.

7. Ana: “I wouldn’t look at me.” Christian: “I am.”

Related: PHOTOS: Fifty Shades steamiest pics

8. Christian shows up at the hardware store where Ana works, and she literally shows him the ropes. She doesn’t think this is weird.

9. He buys her a rare edition of her favorite book. She doesn’t think this is weird.

10. After Ana drunk-dials him from a club, he saunters in from Seattle and takes her back to his hotel room. She doesn’t think this is weird.

11. We’re not even at the sex yet.

12. The bland supporting actors, from her roommate to his fixer, disappear halfway through the film. Not that they’re missed. 

13. Christian: “What is your thing?” Ana (whispering): “Books.”

14. Christian finally deflowers Ana in a darkly lit scene meant to be scintillating. Brace yourselves: It’s more sterile than a doctor’s office. 

Related: PHOTOS: Celebrity sex confessions

15. People in the audience snickered. 

16. Dornan and Johnson's lack of passion is criminal, to the point where their screen test must be sent to the labs and dusted for fingerprints.

17. The actor may have a sick chiseled body, but he looks uncomfortable playing a psychologically and physically scarred alpha male. 

18. Christian: “F— the paperwork.”

19. His American accent. Sorry, don’t buy it.

20. Truth: Johnson was more flirtatious in bed with Justin Timberlake during her lone scene in The Social Network .

21. Instead of dinner dates, Christian asks Ana to contractually agree to be whipped and chained in his Red Room of Pain. This serves as the remainder of the plot.

22. She thinks this is only moderately weird.

Related: PHOTOS: Best TV couples

23. Christian: “I would like to bite that lip.” 

24. The stilted and cheesy dialogue.

25. Granted, the Twilight saga also featured the same hackneyed dialogue and star-crossed courtship. At least Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart brought the heat.

26. After one roll in the sack, they slow-dance to a Frank Sinatra song. This is neither the time nor place for a Nora Ephron homage.

27. Christian buys Ana a new laptop and car. She doesn’t think this is weird.

28. Would Charlie Hunnam have made a better Mr. Grey? Or perhaps Alex Pettyfer ? Or Ian Somerhalder ? It’s all too easy to play casting agent during the movie’s long stretches of dullsville.

29. For example, there’s no need to include Ana’s hometown visit to Georgia to see her mom.

30. Or watch Ana and Christian fly in a drone.

31. Or watch Ana’s mom give her daughter earnest relationship advice. If mama only knew!

32. Marcia Gay Harden , a bona-fide Oscar winner, is wasted in the thankless part of Christian’s mom.

33. Why is Ana using a flip phone?

34. Christian: “If you agree to be my submissive, I’ll be devoted to you.”

Related: PHOTOS: Most romantic movies ever

35. Christian’s method of wooing, from the piano playing to the aerial rides, is straight out of the Pretty Woman playbook.

36. Christian doesn’t have a trace of a sense of humor. All girls enjoy a sense of humor. It’s a fact. Look it up.

37. Ana, meanwhile, is dryly sarcastic and nurturing. She could have Tindered a guy more compatible for her, easy. 

38. Does Ana ever plan on signing this contract? Get on with it, girlfriend!

39. The running time is 122 minutes. Boyhood was only 44 minutes longer. That film spanned 12 years. 

40. Christian: I don’t make love. I f— Hard.”

41. Swaths of Christian’s backstory — including details of his tragic childhood —have been discarded.

42. Because of this, he comes off more like a creepy cipher than a lost soul.

43. The most erotic scenes between our two leads are also cut from the book. Two words: silver balls.

Related: PHOTOS: Fifty Shades stills

44. The S&M piece de resistance, set to a slow-jam version of Beyonce ’s “Crazy in Love,” is cut and spliced together like a music video. 

45. And it’s a bigger Seattle letdown than Super Bowl 49. 

46. Beyond the raunch, nothing here will convince audiences that this unlikely pair belongs together.

47. Ana’s declaration of love is overwrought and disingenuous in a sequence meant to be heart-wrenching. 

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48. The, er, climax. It’s not satisfying. 

49. Christian: “I’m fifty shades of f—ed up!” 

50. Two sequels have already been announced! So let’s shut this door and hope the ensuing outings are more…pleasurable.

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Screen Rant

Adam driver’s $50 million action movie flop from 7 years ago is now on netflix & it's still one of his best.

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Daniel Craig's 92% Fresh Comedic Role From 7 Years Ago Proved How Great Knives Out Would Be

15 best heist movies of all time, ranked, netflix just released the perfect k-drama to watch if you miss sweet home.

The 2017 Adam Driver heist movie Logan Lucky has become a streaming hit on Netflix, which has often gone underappreciated among the actor’s acclaimed action roles. Directed by the Ocean ’s Trilogy’s Steven Soderbergh , Logan Lucky ’s cast united some big Hollywood names to portray the Logan family and their associates, including Adam Driver, Channing Tatum, Riley Keough, Daniel Craig, and Katie Holmes. The movie was a resounding success with critics, currently boasting a 92% score on Rotten Tomatoes . However, Logan Lucky fell short at the box office after earning only $48 million against an estimated $29 million budget.

Now, almost exactly seven years later, Logan Lucky has received a welcome resurgence in popularity as it joins Netflix’s top 10 trending movies in August 2024 . The movie originally premiered while Adam Driver was still portraying Kylo Ren in the Star Wars sequel trilogy , with many of his preceding projects consisting of supporting roles, the HBO comedy show Girls , and critically acclaimed dramedies. Logan Lucky therefore finally gave Driver a leading non-franchise blockbuster action role to shine in alongside an ensemble cast, and it remains one of his greatest action genre achievements.

Logan Lucky Is Now Trending On Netflix – Why You Should Watch Adam Driver's 2017 Heist Movie

Logan lucky brought steven soderbergh out of retirement to outstanding critical acclaim.

The acclaimed Steven Soderbergh movie Logan Lucky follows the Lucky family as they enact a heist to steal money from North Carolina’s Charlotte Motor Speedway. Jimmy Logan (Tatum), his brother Clyde (Driver), and sister Mellie (Keough) recruit a criminal notorious for his safe-cracking skills for their robbery, but the family still faces heat from the FBI and race security while their plan is in motion. With Logan Lucky ’s star-studded cast, smart direction from Soderbergh, and a compelling concept reminiscent of Ocean’s Eleven , the movie is a great example of high-octane, entertaining fun in blockbusters .

Logan Lucky marked the return of Steven Soderbergh after his retirement from directing, proving that he hadn’t lost any of the keen direction and vision that yielded entertaining hits like the Ocean ’s Trilogy and Magic Mike . Soderbergh has a great mastery of the brooding, dark thriller subgenre, and Logan Lucky reaffirmed that the director could extend beyond the confines of the Ocean ’s Trilogy to deliver a fun, well-crafted, and entertaining blockbuster action movie. The gamble paid off with critic and audience adoration, as Logan Lucky holds a 92% score from critics and a 76% rating from audiences on Rotten Tomatoes .

With its stellar cast and story, Logan Lucky remains one of the most underrated action comedies of the past decade.

The movie is not only an excellent follow-up to the Ocean ’s Trilogy, but also boasts incredible performances by its talented cast. Daniel Craig gets to strip his 007 mask and tackle a wildly fun criminal role, Tatum highlights more of his acting depth while exuding the same charm that made his Magic Mike exploits more layered and compelling, and Driver shines in a scene-stealing hilarious, deadpan performance that emphasizes exactly why he was nominated for an Oscar the following year for BlackKklansman . With its stellar cast and story, Logan Lucky remains one of the most underrated action comedies of the past decade.

Daniel Craig owes his success in Rian Johnson's Knives Out and Glass Onion to his underrated role in this 2017 comedy with 92% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Why Logan Lucky Flopped At The Box Office (Despite Great Reviews)

Logan lucky didn't manage to double its budget.

Logan Lucky ’s newfound popularity on Netflix in 2024 is a disappointing reminder of how underappreciated the movie was when it originally hit theaters in 2017. Despite having hit actors like Adam Driver and Channing Tatum in lead roles, the cast and critical acclaim weren’t enough to guarantee Logan Lucky becoming a blockbuster smash. Instead, Logan Lucky only earned approximately $48.5 million at the box office against its estimated $29 million budget (via Box Office Mojo ).

Steven Soderbergh revealed that he had planned to make a prequel to Logan Lucky about Daniel Craig's character Joe Bang, but the movie was later scrapped.

One reason for Logan Lucky ’s less impressive box office performance is that the film wasn’t distributed by a major studio. Rather, it was released through Bleecker Street and Soderbergh’s own Fingerprint Releasing, giving Logan Lucky a comparatively smaller distribution than other 2017 blockbusters like Beauty and the Beast , Driver’s own Star Wars: The Last Jedi , and It. However, Logan Lucky didn’t need to be a blockbuster hit to be a success, as the movie had reportedly already earned back its budget through international presales and a deal with Amazon prior to opening weekend (via Indiewire ).

The disappointment of Logan Lucky ’s opening was part of a larger issue, as it was released amid one of the worst Labor Day weekends at the box office in almost two decades.

According to TheWrap , Soderbergh revealed that Logan Lucky needed only a $15 million opening weekend to be a commercial success . However, the movie ultimately didn’t hit this mark. Instead, Logan Lucky opened to less than $8 million, only accumulating half of what was required from its opening weekend. The disappointment of Logan Lucky ’s opening was part of a larger issue, as it was released amid one of the worst Labor Day weekends at the box office in almost two decades.

The best heist movies can be comedies, dramas, or thrillers. But they all need an eclectic crew and a big score waiting for them at the end.

Logan Lucky also debuted alongside The Hitman’s Bodyguard , with Wind River and Annabelle: Creation ’s releases giving it additional competition. With Logan Lucky and The Hitman’s Bodyguard both appealing to similar target audiences as action comedies with A-lister stars , it makes sense that one was overlooked upon their releases. Ultimately, the star-studded cast of The Hitman’s Bodyguard emerged victorious with Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson at the lead. Despite mixed reviews from critics, the movie provided fun blockbuster entertainment with Lionsgate behind its distribution, besting Logan Lucky for a $183 million box office haul.

Logan Lucky Is Still One Of Adam Driver's Highest-Rated Movies On Rotten Tomatoes

Logan lucky boasts a 92% rotten tomatoes critics score.

Logan Lucky may not compare to his massive blockbuster smashes like the Star Wars trilogy, but it does rank high among Adam Driver’s best movies . The Steven Soderbergh heist film holding a 92% score on Rotten Tomatoes makes it one of Driver’s highest-rated movies on the review aggregator site. However, Driver has several critical hits, so Logan Lucky surprisingly doesn’t even make it into his top three highest-scoring movies on Rotten Tomatoes. More specifically, Logan Lucky is tied for his fifth-highest movie score alongside Frances Ha (2012) and Inside Llewyn Davis (2013).

How Logan Lucky Compares To Steven Soderbergh's Other Heist Movies

Logan lucky joins a celebrated group of steven soderbergh heist movies.

While the Ocean ’s Trilogy achieved substantial box office success and positive reviews, Steven Soderbergh’s Logan Lucky has greater critical acclaim . Logan Lucky holds a 92% score compared to Ocean’s Eleven ’s 83%, Ocean’s Twelve ’s 55%, and Ocean’s Thirteen ’s 70% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. Meanwhile, the worldwide box office totals for the trilogy came out at approximately $451 million, $363 million, and $311 million, respectively.

Soderbergh’s 2021 heist movie No Sudden Move ties Logan Lucky with a 92% critics score on Rotten Tomatoes, but forewent a theatrical release for direct-to-streaming on Max. However, none of these heist films have beaten the critical response to Soderbergh and George Clooney’s 1998 movie Out of Sight , which boasts a 94% score . Like Logan Lucky , Out of Sight wasn’t a box office hit, as it only earned about $77 million against an estimated $48 million budget.

Like Out of Sight making George Clooney a movie star and Logan Lucky triumphantly bringing Soderbergh out of retirement, two of the director’s best heist movies surprisingly didn’t land well at the box office. Logan Lucky combines the critical acclaim, depth, and profound themes of Soderbergh’s other heist movies, proving he can make a fun and entertaining action thriller like the Ocean ’s movies that has the layers and cadence of his darker heists in Out of Sight . Logan Lucky finds Soderbergh at a happy medium for his celebrated heist movie approaches.

Sources: Box Office Mojo , Rotten Tomatoes , Indiewire , TheWrap

Logan Lucky

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Logan Lucky is a comedy-heist film by Steven Soderbergh, the director behind the Ocean's Eleven series. The Logans are a blue-collar family from the hills of West Virginia, and their clan has been famous for its bad luck for nearly 90 years. But the conniving Jimmy Logan decides it's time to turn the family's luck around, and with a bit of help from his friends, the "Redneck Robbers," he plans to steal $14 million from the Charlotte Motor Speedway on the busiest race day of the year.

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• August 22, 2024 (United Kingdom)
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