the win win problem solving approach

The Art of Problem Solving: Understanding Win-Lose and Win-Win Approaches

Whenever we encounter a problem, our instinct often leads us to think in terms of winning or losing. In a win-lose situation, the problem is approached as a competition where one person triumphs over the other. On the other hand, a win-win situation allows everyone to come out on top.

To achieve a win-win outcome, it’s important to understand the distinguishing characteristics between the two approaches. The communication climate refers to the way we communicate with one another, and the words we choose to use can have a tremendous impact on the outcome of the problem.

Confirming messages, which are statements that show respect and acknowledge the other person’s point of view, can help foster a positive communication climate and prevent conflict. But why is it that win-win problem solving is seldom used? Let’s dive deeper and find out.

Furthermore, we’ll explore the first steps in win-win problem solving, which involves understanding the importance of descriptive communication and perception checking. We will also look at how brainstorming can be an effective tool in the win-win collaborative process.

A complete assertive message has five parts and begins with an “I” statement, expressing our thoughts, feelings and intentions. Additionally, we will discuss the concept of empathy and how it plays a major role in finding mutually acceptable solutions to problems.

Finally, we’ll look at the importance of ensuring that everyone involved in the problem reaches their goals, and how to take the last step to make sure that the win-win solution is sustainable in the long term.

In this blog post, we’ll be exploring these topics in-depth and showing you how to master win-win problem solving techniques. With this knowledge, you’ll be able to approach any problem with confidence and create win-win outcomes that benefit everyone involved.

The Communication Climate Refers To…

In a win-lose problem-solving scenario, the communication climate is crucial. It’s the overall tone and atmosphere that defines how people work together to solve the problem. Here are some key facts to know about it:

Positive and Negative Communication Climates

A positive communication climate means people feel comfortable sharing ideas and concerns without fear of criticism or judgment. On the other hand, a negative communication climate creates tension and conflict, making it challenging to find common ground.

Nonverbal Communication Elements

Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice all contribute to the communication climate. Therefore, it’s critical to be mindful of these elements when approaching problem-solving in a team setting.

Active Listening Skills

Active listening is another crucial element of the communication climate. By being genuinely interested in what others have to say and seeking to understand their perspective, you can create a more positive communication climate.

The Importance of Respect

Finally, showing respect for your teammates’ thoughts and ideas, even if you don’t agree with them, is essential for building a positive communication climate. This ultimately leads to more effective problem-solving and a win-win outcome.

In conclusion, the communication climate plays a crucial role in win-lose problem-solving scenarios. Fostering a positive atmosphere that encourages openness, active listening, and respect can help teams find common ground and achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

Confirming Messages: What They Are and Why They Matter

In win-lose problem solving, it’s easy to get caught up in our own interests and forget about the other person’s needs. Fortunately, confirming messages can help us bridge that gap and build stronger, more productive relationships.

A confirming message is a statement that acknowledges and affirms the other person’s perspective. It shows that you’re listening, that you care about their feelings, and that you’re committed to finding a mutually beneficial solution.

Some examples of confirming messages might include:

• “I understand where you’re coming from”
• “I can see how that would be frustrating”
• “I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this with me”

Confirming messages might seem like small gestures, but they can have a big impact on the outcome of a negotiation or conflict. Here are just a few reasons why they matter:

• They build trust: When you show that you’re attentive and empathetic, the other person is more likely to trust you and feel comfortable opening up.
• They reduce defensiveness: By acknowledging the other person’s perspective, you’re less likely to trigger a defensive response. This can help keep the conversation constructive and positive.
• They encourage collaboration: When both parties feel that their views are being heard and validated, they’re more likely to work together to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs.

Tips for Using Confirming Messages

If you’re not used to using confirming messages, it can take some practice to incorporate them into your problem-solving toolkit. Here are a few tips to help you get started:

• Listen actively: To use confirming messages effectively, you need to be genuinely invested in understanding the other person’s point of view. Listen carefully and ask follow-up questions to show that you’re engaged.
• Use “I” statements: Instead of saying “You’re right” (which can come across as insincere), try saying “I understand where you’re coming from” or “I can see why you feel that way”. This puts the focus on your own perceptions rather than the other person’s.
• Be genuine: Confirming messages only work if they’re authentic. If you’re not genuinely interested in finding common ground, the other person is likely to see through your attempts to placate them.

By incorporating confirming messages into your win-lose problem-solving approach, you can create a more collaborative, rewarding, and effective negotiation process. Give them a try in your next conversation and see how much of a difference they can make!

Win-Win Problem Solving is Seldom Used Because…

When faced with a problem, the most common approach is to find a solution that benefits us the most, disregarding the other party’s interests. This approach is known as “win-lose problem solving.” In contrast, win-win problem-solving involves finding a solution that benefits both parties equally. Unfortunately, win-win problem solving is seldom used because…

Lack of Practice and Awareness

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that negotiations, whether in business or personal contexts, are a zero-sum game. Thus, we believe that to win, someone has to lose. The concept of win-win problem solving is relatively new, and most people have not practiced or been educated on it.

Lack of Trust

The foundation of a win-win problem-solving approach is trust, which can be challenging to establish. When parties involved in a negotiation have a history of mistrust, it’s challenging to move towards a mutually beneficial solution. Win-win problem solving requires a willingness to communicate openly and honestly, and this can only happen when there’s a certain level of trust between the parties.

Time-Consuming

Win-win problem-solving requires patience and time to find a solution that benefits both parties. It often involves brainstorming sessions, exploring different options, and creative problem-solving. This process can be time-consuming, and in some cases, parties may opt for a faster, win-lose approach.

Ego and Competitive Nature

Our ego and competitive nature can sometimes get in the way of finding a mutually beneficial solution. Some parties may feel the need to “win” the negotiation, which can lead to an adversarial approach. In such a situation, it is challenging to move towards a win-win approach, as parties’ interests become more important than the solution’s outcome.

In Conclusion

In the right circumstances, win-win problem-solving can lead to better outcomes for all parties involved. However, various obstacles often prevent its implementation, including lack of practice and awareness, lack of trust, time constraints, and ego and competitive nature. It’s essential to recognize these obstacles and work towards implementing a win-win approach whenever possible.

What is the First Step in Win-Win Problem Solving?

When it comes to problem-solving, the traditional approach is often win-lose. This approach involves one person winning at the expense of another person or group, resulting in an unsatisfactory outcome for one of the parties involved. Luckily, win-win problem-solving provides a much better approach to resolving issues, where both parties can come out as winners.

So, what is the first step in win-win problem-solving? Let’s dive in:

1. Understand the Situation

The first step in win-win problem solving is to gain a full understanding of the situation. This involves taking a step back, collecting all the relevant information, and identifying the needs, interests, and concerns of all parties involved.

2. Identify Common Ground

Once you have a full understanding of the situation, the next step is to identify common ground. This is where you look for mutual interests and shared goals between all parties. This shared ground can be used as a starting point for finding a win-win solution.

3. Brainstorm Solutions

After identifying common ground, it’s time to brainstorm possible solutions. Encourage all parties to contribute to the ideas, and remember to keep an open mind. Consider all of the potential solutions regardless of how unrealistic or out of the box they appear.

4. Evaluate the Solutions

After brainstorming potential solutions, the next step is to evaluate them. Look at the pros and cons of each solution and assess how well they meet the needs and interests of all parties involved. When evaluating the solutions, remember to keep a positive attitude and remain respectful of everyone’s needs and concerns.

5. Choose the Best Solution

Once all solutions have been evaluated, it’s time to choose the best one. The chosen solution should be one that meets the needs of all parties involved, and one that everyone feels comfortable with. Once the solution has been chosen, it’s important to create a plan for implementing it.

In conclusion, win-win problem-solving involves finding a solution that benefits all parties involved. By understanding the situation, identifying common ground, brainstorming solutions, evaluating the options, and choosing the best solution, everyone can come out as a winner. Try applying these steps the next time you encounter a problem and see the difference it can make!

Descriptive Communication Can Be Characterized By:

When it comes to win-lose problem-solving, descriptive communication is key. Here are some characteristics that epitomize this kind of communication:

Clarity Is Key

Descriptive communication is clear and concise, making sure everyone understands the message being conveyed. Your language should be simple, straightforward, and free from ambiguity, to ensure that your message isn’t lost in translation.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

A descriptive communicator is honest about what they want and why, which can help to create a sense of mutual respect and trust. This helps to avoid misunderstandings and facilitates fairness during the problem-solving process.

Use Simple Examples

Descriptive communicators use simple examples to make their points. This can improve understanding and make it easier for everyone to weigh the choices. Keeping it simple can save time, aid in decision-making, and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Be Empathetic

Descriptive communication fosters empathy. Understanding the feelings of all parties involved creates an environment of strong communication. This can help to prevent natural biases from creeping in and create a shared understanding of the nature of the problem and potential solutions.

Prescriptive Approach

With descriptive communication, you should be prescriptive in your approach. Avoid assumptions and unpredictable decision-making processes. Clear solutions are often created by considering the problem at hand and then developing a course of action with clear and measurable milestones.

Active Listening

Descriptive communication involves active listening skills. Acknowledge the other party during the conversation and allow them to express themselves freely and honestly. Active listening can reduce misunderstandings, increase empathy, and improve decision-making processes.

Open Mindedness

Descriptive communicators are open-minded. Be willing to hear other perspectives before dismissing them outright. Taking the technical approach of listening can sometimes reveal new perspectives, leading to better and more innovative decisions.

The Importance of Communication Climate in a Relationship

Effective communication is crucial to the success of any relationship. However, the communication climate also plays a significant role, shaping how people communicate and interact with one another. Here, we will delve deeper into what determines the communication climate of a relationship.

Understanding Communication Climate

The communication climate refers to the prevailing mood or atmosphere in a relationship. It consists of the verbal and nonverbal cues that people exchange when communicating with one another. A positive communication climate fosters trust, openness, and understanding, while a negative climate can cause tension, conflict, and misunderstanding.

Factors that Determine the Communication Climate

Several factors contribute to the communication climate in a relationship, including:

Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When individuals feel secure and confident in each other, they are more likely to communicate openly and honestly, creating a positive communication climate.

Respect: Respect for each other’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions is essential for a healthy communication climate. It allows individuals to express themselves freely without fear of judgment or ridicule.

Listening Skills: Active listening – giving full attention, reflecting, and providing feedback – is critical to effective communication. It helps to build rapport and creates a positive communication climate.

Body Language: Nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, and eye contact can greatly impact the communication climate. Positive body language, such as smiling or nodding, can create a sense of comfort, while negative body language can contribute to a hostile atmosphere.

Benefits of a Positive Communication Climate

A positive communication climate can have several benefits, including:

Increased Trust: Trust is essential for building a healthy relationship. When individuals feel secure and confident in each other, they are more likely to communicate openly and honestly.

Improved Conflict Resolution: A positive communication climate allows individuals to address conflicts and differences in a constructive manner. It encourages empathy and understanding, leading to effective problem-solving.

Enhanced Intimacy: Open and honest communication creates a sense of intimacy and closeness between individuals. It fosters emotional connection and strengthens relationships.

In conclusion, the communication climate is a critical factor in determining the success of a relationship. Positive communication allows individuals to connect emotionally, build trust, and resolve conflicts. By understanding the factors that contribute to the communication climate, individuals can create a healthy, positive atmosphere that fosters healthy relationships.

What is a Complete Assertive Message Has Five Parts Beginning with A?

When communicating assertively, building a complete message is crucial. A complete assertive message comprises five parts, which starts with the letter A. Here are the five parts that make up a complete assertive message.

Attention is the first part of a complete assertive message. When delivering an assertive message, you need the listener’s full attention. Ensure the listener has ample time and focus to understand your message.

The second part of an assertive message is assertion. Assertion is the statement of facts and feelings that support your message. It’s what you want to communicate.

Affirmation

The third part of an assertive message is affirmation. It’s a form of positive feedback that acknowledges the listener’s perspective and emotions. Affirmation helps you establish a common ground before delivering your main message.

The fourth part of an assertive message is action. After you have communicated your message, you need to suggest a course of action that could lead to a positive outcome. The action statement must be clear and concise.

Alternative

The final part of an assertive message is an alternative. Presenting a possible alternative shows that you respect the listener’s opinion and are open to finding a mutually beneficial solution. It’s important to offer alternatives that benefit both parties.

In conclusion, the complete assertive message contains five parts, beginning with A: Attention, Assertion, Affirmation, Action, and Alternative. Each part plays an important role in creating an effective and constructive communication pattern. By using all the five elements, you can assert your needs and beliefs without resulting in destructive communication.

Understanding Empathy: Imagining Situations from Another Person’s Point of View

Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspectives and feelings. It is a fundamental human trait that enables us to connect with others on a deeper level. The capacity to imagine what it must be like to be in another person’s situation is an essential component of empathy.

What is it called when you imagine what it must be like to be in someone else’s position?

The ability to imagine what it must be like to be in another person’s situation is called empathy. Empathy allows us to connect with others by acknowledging their emotions and recognizing their experiences. It involves understanding and feeling the emotions of others without necessarily adopting them as our own.

How does empathy help in win-lose problem-solving situations?

Empathy can play a crucial role in win-lose problem-solving situations. By putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes, we can gain a better understanding of their position and their needs. This understanding can help us identify ways to resolve the conflict in a mutually beneficial way. Empathy can also help reduce tensions and foster healthier relationships, even in challenging situations.

How can you improve your empathy skills?

Empathy is a skill that can be developed and improved over time. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills:

• Practice active listening, where you listen with the intent to understand rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak.
• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to imagine how they are feeling and what they are experiencing.
• Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as body language and tone of voice, as they can convey a wealth of information about someone’s emotions.
• Be curious and ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of the other person’s perspective.
• Practice self-awareness and reflection to understand your own emotions and how they may be impacting your ability to empathize with others.

Why is empathy important in today’s world?

In today’s interconnected world, empathy is more important than ever. It allows us to connect with people from different backgrounds and cultures and build bridges of understanding. Empathy helps us to overcome differences and find common ground, which is crucial in resolving conflicts and promoting peace. It enables us to create more compassionate and supportive communities, where people can thrive and feel valued.

In conclusion, empathy is a powerful tool that can help us navigate win-lose problem-solving situations effectively. By imagining what it must be like to be in another person’s situation, we can gain a deeper understanding of their perspectives and needs. We can use this understanding to find mutually beneficial solutions and build stronger, more empathetic relationships.

Perception Checking in Assertive Message

When it comes to conflict resolution, assertive communication is one of the most useful tools we have. Assertive messages are a powerful way to express yourself without stepping on anyone’s toes. However, during which step of an assertive message do you engage in perception checking? In this section, we’ll explore perception checking and how it fits into assertive communication.

What is Perception Checking?

Perception checking is a communication technique in which you seek to understand the other person’s perspective by confirming or clarifying what you think they said or meant. By checking your perceptions with the other person, you can avoid misunderstandings and ensure that you are both on the same page. Perception checking involves three steps:

• Describe the behavior or situation you want to discuss
• Suggest two possible interpretations
• Ask the other person which interpretation is correct, or if there is another interpretation you have not considered

How Does Perception Checking Fit into Assertive Communication?

Assertive communication involves expressing yourself in a clear and direct way while respecting the needs and feelings of the other person. Perception checking is an essential part of assertive communication because it helps you to avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. By checking your perceptions with the other person, you can ensure that your message is being received as intended.

During an assertive message, perception checking typically occurs after you have described the behavior or situation you want to discuss but before you state your feelings or make a request. In this way, perception checking sets the stage for a productive conversation by establishing a shared understanding of the issue at hand.

Tips for Effective Perception Checking

Here are some tips for using perception checking effectively:

• Be specific and objective when describing the behavior or situation
• Suggest two interpretations that are both plausible and respectful
• Avoid using loaded language or making assumptions
• Be open to the other person’s perspective and willing to adjust your own if necessary
• Remember that perception checking is not about being right or wrong, but about understanding each other better

By following these tips, you can use perception checking to build stronger relationships and resolve conflicts in a constructive way.

Which Step in the Win-Win Collaborative Process Would Brainstorming Be Appropriate?

Brainstorming is a critical step in the win-win collaborative process, and it is an effective way to generate new ideas and solutions. Below are the steps in the win-win process that brainstorming would be appropriate:

Step 1: Define the problem

Brainstorming is a suitable technique to use when defining the problem. It helps to explore the problem thoroughly and gain a deeper understanding of the situation.

Step 2: Identify the interests

Brainstorming is crucial when identifying the interests of all parties involved in the problem. It provides an opportunity for everyone to express their needs and concerns and helps to develop a common ground for finding solutions.

Step 3: Share Information

Brainstorming is an appropriate step for sharing information about the problem. It helps to gather additional data that was not previously considered, leading to a better understanding of the issue.

Step 4: Generate Options

Brainstorming is the primary approach in generating multiple options that can address the problem. It encourages free-flowing ideas from all parties involved and creates a platform for evaluating and choosing the best alternatives.

Step 5: Evaluate Options

Brainstorming is useful when evaluating the different options generated. It allows for a more comprehensive and logical analysis of each proposal and enables the identification of the highest-rated solutions.

Step 6: Reach an Agreement

Brainstorming is beneficial when reaching an agreement. It provides the opportunity to explore creative solutions, build trust, and improve relationships between parties.

In conclusion, brainstorming is an essential part of the win-win collaborative process, and it is appropriate to use it in all the steps involved. It encourages active participation, builds relationships, and increases the likelihood of finding sustainable and mutually beneficial solutions.

Messages That Say “You Exist,” “You Matter,” And “You Are Important” Are Called…

The power of words cannot be overemphasized. Words can be used to build or destroy, inspire or discourage, uplift or demean. In the world of conflict resolution and problem-solving, certain words hold a special place in helping individuals feel valued and heard. Messages that say “you exist,” “you matter,” and “you are important” are called affirmations.

What Are Affirmations?

Affirmations are words or phrases that aim to provide emotional support, encouragement, and positivity. They are often used to promote self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. However, affirmations can also be used to help others feel seen and heard, especially in win-lose problem-solving situations.

Why Affirmations Matter in Problem-Solving

Win-lose problem-solving situations can often leave individuals feeling undervalued, ignored, or even invisible. In such situations, affirmations can be powerful tools for improving communication, increasing empathy, and promoting understanding. When used effectively, affirmations can help participants feel recognized and respected, even if their ideas or opinions are not ultimately accepted.

Examples of Affirmations

• “I see you and acknowledge your perspective.”
• “Your ideas are valued and considered.”
• “Your input is essential to finding a solution.”
• “I appreciate your willingness to engage in this dialogue.”
• “I respect your point of view, even if I do not agree with it.”
• “Your contribution to this process is essential and appreciated.”

The Impact of Affirmations

Affirmations can be powerful tools for building relationships, promoting understanding, and preventing conflicts. When individuals feel recognized, seen, and heard, they are more likely to engage in constructive dialogue and work collaboratively towards finding solutions. In win-lose problem-solving situations, affirmations can help transform the process from one of competition to one of mutual respect and understanding.

In conclusion, affirmations are essential tools for effective problem-solving, particularly in win-lose situations. By acknowledging and valuing the perspectives and opinions of others, affirmations can help create a more collaborative and constructive problem-solving environment. Ultimately, the use of affirmations can help individuals feel seen, heard, and valued, even in the midst of conflict.

Using Win-Win Problem Solving to Meet Common Goals

Win-win problem solving is a collaborative approach to resolving conflicts or issues where all parties involved aim to find a solution that works for everyone. This method is beneficial because it helps to build trust, creates a positive environment, and boosts morale.

If you want to use win-win problem solving to achieve common goals, here are some critical steps to follow:

1. Identify the Problem

First, identify the problem and determine the root cause of the issue. Discuss the matter as a team and ensure everyone agrees on the main problem.

2. Brainstorm Solutions

Allow everyone to suggest possible solutions to the problem. Encourage everyone to participate and provide their opinions. Write down all the suggested solutions and evaluate them.

3. Evaluate the Solutions

Evaluate all solutions and identify the pros and cons. Determine which solutions are feasible, sustainable, and have minimal negative consequences.

4. Choose the Best Solution

Select the most viable solution that satisfies everyone’s needs. Explain why this solution is the best, and ensure that everyone agrees before moving forward.

5. Implement the Solution

Implement the chosen solution and monitor its progress. Ensure that everyone understands the implementation process and actively participates.

6. Evaluate the Results

Evaluate the outcome of the solution and determine if it has resolved the problem. If the solution is successful, celebrate the accomplishment as a team.

In conclusion, the last step in using win-win problem solving to achieve common goals is to evaluate the results. This step is essential to determine the effectiveness of the chosen solution and to make adjustments or improvements if needed. Remember that win-win problem solving requires teamwork, open and effective communication, and a collaborative mindset. By following these steps, you and your team can achieve your goals while maintaining a positive work environment.

The Win/Win Approach

Conflict Resolution Network

Objectives:

• To consider types of behaviour we use to resolve conflict.
• To understand the principles and the value of a win/win approach.

Session Times:

2 hours:  Sections A–E

1 hour:  Sections Abbreviated A–D

A. Stimulus Activity 1.2

B. How We Behave in Conflict 1.2

C. A Model for Understanding Behaviour in Conflict 1.3

D. The Principles of a Win/Win Approach 1.7

E. When Win/Win Seems Impossible 1.11

F. Concluding Comments 1.12

Activities:

The Handshake Exercise A.1.1

The Arm Wrestling Exercise A.1.3

Section C: Behaviours in Conflict H.1.1

Fight, Flight, Flow: Some Behaviours H.1.2

Section E: When Win/Win Seems Impossible H.1.3

Key Features of the Win/Win Approach H.1.4

Wanting What’s Fair for Everyone

A. stimulus activity.

(10 minutes)

Choose one of the two activities below to highlight ways we frequently approach conflict.

The Handshake Exercise: participants aim to win as many points as they can by placing two hands on one person’s hip. (See The Win/Win Approach Activities.) (5 minutes)

The Arm Wrestling Exercise: participants make three wishes, one of which they are to regard as granted, each time the arms are down. (See The Win/Win Approach Activities.) (5 minutes)

B. How We Behave in Conflict

Question: When faced with a conflict, what are some of the specific ways we behave?

Discussion: Encourage participants to give examples.

Question: Are some of these behaviours more effective in dealing with conflict than others? In what ways?

Discussion: Draw out participants’ responses. In addition, you might consider:

• some deal with the problem/others avoid it
• some enhance relationships/others harm relationships
• some solve the conflict/others increase it.

Question: Why do we behave in certain ways in conflict?

• learnt patterns
• variations with mood, seeing, relationship, significance of the conflict
• belief system – for me to win, someone else must lose.

There are many behaviours that are appropriate for dealing with conflict. However, when we react from habit, it may mean we don’t make full use of this range of behaviours, nor do we always behave in the most appropriate way.

Throughout the course, we’re going to explore behaviours and tools that are very helpful in dealing with conflict, and consider ways to make choices about appropriate behaviours so that we can respond to conflict, rather than just react in a knee-jerk manner.

C. A Model for Understanding Behaviour in Conflict

(40 minutes)

Question: Who is familiar with the concept of ”Fight” and ”Flight” behaviours?

Question: What are some examples of ”Fight” behaviours?

Discussion: Draw out participants’ responses. You may give some examples:

• physical violence
• refusing to listen
• manipulation

Question: What do you think are the main messages and intentions of ”Fight” behaviours?

• ”I’m right/you’re wrong”
• to blame and punish
• to threaten
• “I’m OK/You’re not”.

From participants’ responses, write on the board:

FIGHT I Win/You lose

Often, these are labelled as aggressive behaviours.

Add the word:

FIGHT I Win/ Aggressive

Question: What are some examples of ”Flight” behaviours?

• pretending it hasn’t happened

Question: What do you think are the main messages and intentions of ”Flight” behaviours?

• ”I’m wrong/You’re right”
• To avoid conflict
• To maintain peace
• To let the other person win
• ”I’m not OK/You are”.

FLIGHT I lose/

Often these are labelled as passive behaviours. The ”You” person may win or sometimes lose, but the “I” person always loses.

F L IGHT I lose / Passive

Let’s now consider a different set of behaviours, neither “Fight” nor “Flight”. Let’s call them “Flow” behaviours.

Question: What might be some examples of “Flow” behaviours?

• discussing the issue
• listening to others
• taking time-out
• explaining own perspective and needs
• compromising.*

* If participants raise ”compromising” or any other behaviour which doesn’t seem to be fully a ”flow” behaviour, comment that this is a behaviour which you’d like to consider more closely later after they’ve completed the handout: ”Behaviours in Conflict” .

Question: What do you think are the main messages and intentions of ”Flow” behaviours?

Discussion: Draw out participants’ responses. In addition, you might explore:

• “There must be a way to solve this”
• to sort out the problem
• to respect others
• to make sure everyone is satisfied with the solution
• “I’m OK/you’re OK”.

FLOW I win/

Often these are labelled as “assertive” behaviours.

FLOW I win/ Assertive

Group Activity: Behaviours in Conflict: working in small groups participants identify behaviours which fit into ”fight”, “flight” and “flow” categories (see below for details.) (15 minutes)

Give out the handout: ”Behaviours in Conflict ”. Divide into small groups of three or four participants.

In your small groups, consider three or four behaviours which fit into each of these categories, and then complete the columns across the page. You may include behaviours we’ve already identified or consider others which have personal significance for you.

Allow 10 minutes and move amongst the groups to assist them when necessary.

Draw participants together into the large group.

Question: Did any behaviours appear in more than one category? In what ways are they different in each category?

Discussion: From the responses, comment:

A particular behaviour might appear in more than one category. To decide whether that behaviour is aggressive, passive or assertive, we need to understand the context, the relationship of the participants, the culture, what’s gone before, and what comes after.

For example, withdrawal:

• We could withdraw with the intention of punishing the other person or to ignore his/her needs and concerns. In this case, it is probably a ”fight” behaviour.
• We could withdraw to avoid the conflict and just keep the peace. If we did that, and felt unhappy or taken advantage of, it is probably a ”flight” behaviour.
• We could withdraw because we want time to consider an appropriate action. We may later return to deal directly with the issue, or we may decide to attend instead to the broader issues, to the more fundamental needs, and to the relationship. In this case, it’s probably a “flow” behaviour.

Question: Did you notice any patterns for each of the categories on how people are treated in the conflict and how the issue is dealt with (i.e. the two columns on the right hand side of the handout)?

Discussion: From participants’ responses, suggest that:

During “fight” behaviour the intention which may be unconscious, is to come down hard on the issue, with little concern for the person.

To the chart you developed earlier,

Add the words:

FIGH T I win/ Aggressive Hard on the people/

You lose Hard on the issue

In ”flight” behaviour the intention, which may be unconscious, is to protect ourselves rather than deal with the problem. By not confronting, the immediate result is relatively soft on the person.

F L IGH T I lose / Pass ive Soft/hard on the people

You win Hard on the issue

During “flow” behaviour, the intention is to solve the issue whilst respecting everyone in the conflict.

F LOW I win / Asserti ve Soft on the people

Although, “flow” behaviours seem to have the best outcomes, we often resort to ”fight” and ”flight” behaviours. And, indeed, they are unlikely to be dismissed completely from our repertoire. However, all the conflict resolution skills covered in this course can be used as part of a ”flow” or win/win approach.

Give out the handouts: “Fight , Flight, Flow: Some B ehaviours “ .

D. The Principles of a Win/Win Approach

(30 minutes)

Let’s explore what a win/win approach is about, by listening to a story.

There are two sisters in a kitchen and only one orange. Both of them want the orange. What could they do?

When someone says compromise or ”cut it in half”, continue the story.

That’s what they did. One sister went to the juicer and started to squeeze herself a drink which turned out too small to satisfy.

She then threw out the rind. The other sister, with some difficulty, began to grate the rind of her half of the orange to flavour a cake. She then threw out the juicy pulp.

They both had only half an orange when, in effect, they could have had the whole orange.

Question: What could they have done in order for both of them to have the whole orange?

• found out what each other wanted/needed.

The key to a win/win approach is to explore needs before settling on a solution.

Write on the board:

Win/Win Approach

Needs First

Solutions Later

In the orange story, the sisters compromised.

Question: Compromise is sometimes considered the same as a Win/Win approach. What is compromise about? Why do we so frequently compromise? What are its advantages?

• It may seem the simplest, easiest and fairest thing to do.
• It means that when we can’t make a bigger pie, at least, everyone is sharing in what is available.
• It results in both parties having some of their needs met.

Question: What are some of the disadvantages of compromise?

• It often requires one party to give more and then they will be less committed to the solution.
• It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.
• It may breed resentment within the relationship.
• It has been described as an acceptable form of lose/lose. (Both people lose an equal amount.)

Although compromise has disadvantages, it is sometimes a valuable approach. However, if we settle too quickly for compromise, we can sell ourselves short. It may be that we decide on a poorer quality solution than we would have if we had adopted a win/win approach.

Extension: (Optional) Present the graph overleaf (p1.10) to expand on this. Draw it piece by piece, explaining it as you go. (See the explanation below the graph for details.)

The horizontal axis represents how much of others’ needs are being met.

If we’re entirely concerned with our own needs and ignore or avoid others’ needs then we’ve adopted an “I Win/You Lose” approach. (Make a mark at the top of the vertical axis and write the words: Fight: “Win/Lose”.)

If we give in to other people and ignore our own needs, then we’re adopting an “I lose/You win” approach . (Make a mark at the end of the horizontal axis and write the words: Flight: Lose/Win.) Sometimes Flight also results in both parties losing. (Make a mark at the junction of the vertical and horizontal axes and write the words Flight: Lose/Lose.)

Compromise is like a half-way point between the two. lt takes account of some needs of both parties. Each party gets something of a win, and also a significant loss. (Make the “compromise” in the centre and join with dotted lines to the medical and horizontal axes – see graph. In another colour draw over the pads of the vertical and horizontal axes which go as far as these dotted lines. See Figure A. here.)

Win/win takes account of many more needs. It’s much more expansive. ( Make the Win/Win on the top right hand corner of the page, and join with dotted lines to the vertical and horizontal axes – see graph. In a different colour draw over the whole of the vertical and horizontal axes, right out to these new dotted lines. See Figure B. above. )

A win/win approach starts by looking for solutions that meet all needs (point to the market Win/Win) and moves backwards, gradually and only as far as necessary, towards compromise, to come up with a solution that meets as many needs as possible. ( Draw attention to how much more of the axes are now covered by the win/win. Draw in the diagonal arrow to show the gradual movement ‘backwards”. ) lt’s far more likely to be a good quality solution than that chosen from a quick compromise.

A Win/Win Outcome:

• would occur somewhere along, or near, the diagonal arrow, preferably close to the top.
• will not always happen. Sometimes, an outcome will be chosen which meets few needs or favours one person more than another, particularly if some participants are unwilling to negotiate.

A win/win approach is always an option.

Question: What do you think are the basic principles of a win/win approach?

• considering not only what I want but also what the other person wants
• raising the degree of concern for my own and others’ needs
• being concerned with what’s fair
• respecting relationships
• requiring us to believe that for me to win it is not necessary for someone else to lose
• moving towards a solution that includes as many needs as possible
• consulting with others to explore needs and to consider all possible options. This increases the likelihood of reaching a solution which addresses more of everyone’s needs and to which everyone will be more committed. Giving and taking, when we know we have been heard and considered, feels very different to compromising immediately.

Question: Why use a win/win approach? What are the benefits?

• increases productivity
• encourages creativity in people
• results in good quality solutions
• elicits commitment from people
• focuses people’s energy and attention on solving problems rather than fighting with each other.

E. When Win/Win Seems Impossible

It can be valuable, although not essential, to leave time (e.g. a day or a week) between doing section D and Section E. This gives participants a chance to absorb the material from Section D. As well it is possible to ask them to think about situations for which win/win seems impossible, to be discussed at the next session.

Question: Think of a conflict for which a win/win approach doesn’t seem to be possible. What is it?

List participants’ responses on the board. (Have a few sample situations that you can add to the list.) e.g.

• two applicants for one job
• a student who has worked hard but has not done sufficiently well to be awarded a pass
• two family functions on at the same time: one in the city, one in the country.

Group Activity: When Win/Win Seems Impossible: participants work in pairs or small groups of three , to consider two difficult conflicts. (See below for details) (20 minutes)

Question: Does win/win still seem impossible? What do you think can be done with these difficult situations?

Discussion: Encourage participants to share strategies they’ve considered so far.

Give out the handout: ”Key Features of The Win/Win Approach” . Highlight points that may be particularly appropriate for participants’ difficult situations.

Ask participants to consider again the situations they’ve identified on the handout.

Are some of these points (i.e. those on the handout: ”Key Features of The Win/Win Approach” ) relevant for developing a win/win in your situation?

Allow 10 minutes.

Discussion: Ask participants to share any points which they found particularly helpful.

F. Concluding Comments

Different types of behaviour are appropriate in different situations. Mostly, we will be very practised in using two or three behaviours, and may feel less comfortable with the others. The more flexible we can become, the more choices we have about how we relate to others, and the more opportunities we have to resolve conflict.

For the win/win approach to become our first choice, we need to develop new skills. We need to learn to step back from solutions, to considerate need or concern driving each person to particular outcomes.

A win/win approach is not the same as a win/win outcome. It is the approach that’s the key. Ask yourself:

• How has the solution been generated?
• Have all needs been considered, all options been explored and the solution been chosen which meets more major needs than any other?
• Have the relevant parties participated in the process?

The Win/Win Approach Activities

The Handshake Exercise

Trainers’ Information Only A win/win approach, based on co-operative effort, will maximize benefits for everyone. A win/ lose approach, based on competition is far more likely to result in dramatic differences in benefits. (See Chapter 1. The Win/Win Approach, Section A.) 10 minutes To show how frequently the concept of winning is tied to the idea of someone else losing and how this influences our approach to a task.

Instructions: Give no background concepts before playing the game.

We’re going to do an exercise to get us started.

Ask each participant to choose a partner roughly the same size as him or herself. Then ask for a volunteer to demonstrate with the trainer.

The trainer and the volunteer stand facing each other and take a handshake hold.

The aim of this exercise is to win as many points as you can.

You score a point every time you get the other person’s hand to your hip.

The trainer and a volunteer demonstrate what “getting the other person’s hand to your hip” means but do not engage in a struggle in front of the group. The exercise is set up in as neutral a way as possible, so that people will project onto the instructions their natural inclination.

Be sure to keep count of your points.

Ready? Begin.

(If participants ask questions, simply repeat the instructions and encourage them to keep count of their points.)

Allow between 30 seconds and 1 minute.

Discussion: What we’re going to do is to explore the differences in the number of points people achieved, and how they did it.

• Who scored more than 50? Less than 10? How did you do it?
• How did you interpret ”you” in the instructions – as an individual, a pair, a group?
• Did the idea of “winning” imply ”losing” as well? For someone to win, did another have to lose?
• Who discussed it with their partner? What was discussed? Who changed strategy during the exercise? Why?

When we’re in conflict with someone else, do we frequently approach it thinking that one person will win and the other will lose? (e.g. I told him; I put her in her place; I showed him who was boss; I didn’t let her get the better of me; I got my way; I always lose out in these sorts of problems.)

In conflict, are there times when we use the same approach as we did in the exercise? Are there other occasions when we use a different approach?

Important Points to Cover:

ln an exercise such as this, it is possible to interpret ”win” in a variety of ways, and to behave accordingly.

Problems arise when we transfer a concept of ”winning over” – to situations where ”winning with” – would be more beneficial. ”Winning over” is about one person winning while the other loses. ”Winning with” is about co-operating so that both people obtain what they want or need.

As well, we frequently behave in certain ways out of habit, rather than from choice. This means that we lose flexibility in our approach to conflict.

The Arm Wrestling Exercise

A win/ win approach, based on co-operative effort will maximise benefits for everyone. A win/ lose approach, based on competition is far more likely to result in dramatic differences in actual benefits. (See Chapter 1. The Win/ Win Approach, Section A.) 10 minutes To show how frequently the concept of winning is tied to the idea of someone else losing and how this influences the style with which we approach conflict.

Give no background concepts before playing the game.

Have the group choose partners, and sit opposite each other with about an inch between the knees, or across a small table, if available.

Ask participants to think of three things that they really want e.g. a job promotion, an overseas holiday, a new car. They don’t have to share this information with their partners.

The object of the exercise is to have all your wishes granted.

When Partner A gets Partner B’s hand down to the level of B’s knee (or table, if used) Partner A has one wish granted and vice versa.

The trainer demonstrates how to do this by assuming an arm wrestle position. The exercise is set up in as neutral a way as possible, so that people will project onto the instructions their natural inclination. Therefore, do not describe verbally the arm wrestle position or label it as such, or enter into a mock struggle while demonstrating.

Ask participants to take hold of their partners’ hands, as demonstrated.

Ready? …Begin.

(If participants ask questions, simply repeat the instruction, and encourage them to start.)

Allow 30 seconds–1 minute.

Discussion: Who had all their wishes granted?

• How many of you, upon hearing the instructions ”have all your wishes granted” thought there had to be a winner and a loser, that it was a competition?
• Who discussed it with their partner? What was discussed?
• Who changed strategy during the exercise? Why?

When we’re in a conflict with someone else, do we frequently approach it thinking one person will win and the other will lose? (e.g. I told him; I put her in her place; I showed him who was boss; I didn’t let her get the better of me; I got my way; I always lose out in these sorts of problems.)

In an exercise such as this it is possible to interpret ”win” in a variety of ways, and to behave accordingly.

Problems arise when we transfer a concept of ”winning over” to situations where ”winning with” would be more beneficial. As well, we frequently behave in certain ways from habit rather than from choice. This means that we lose flexibility in our approach to conflict.

Behaviours in Conflict

Specific examples of behaviour	(long and short term)	(long and short term)	How it affects the people involved	How it affects the problem
FIGHT:I win/You lose 1. 2. 3.
Flight: I lose/You win 1. 2. 3.
Flow: I win/ You win 1. 2. 3.

Fight, Flight, Flow: Some Behaviours

I win/ You lose		I lose/ You win I lose/ You lose		I win/ You win
Control, demand.		Submit to another’s power.		Share power or work towards it.
Punish, reward.		Resign to the situation.		Unfold the opportunity.
Bulldoze to punish, to refuse to deal with other’s needs and concerns.		Withdraw to avoid, to refuse to deal with own needs and concerns.		Withdraw to consider needs and concerns of self and others. Return to address the issue as appropriate.
Explode, dumping responsibility on the other person and denying ownership of any part of the problem.		Suppress at least to the other person, the distress felt.		Contain discomfort carefully, if you choose now to deal with it at a more appropriate time.
Manipulate while appearing to compromise.		Surrender own needs in hasty compromise.		Seek agreement which is fair to all involved.

When Win/Win Seems Impossible

Sometimes a win/win outcome seems impossible. However, applying a win/win approach explores the possibilities in the situation. It may result in unexpected outcomes.

Identify two situations where win/win seems impossible.
Why does win/win seem impossible? What are the obstacles?
Moving towards a win/win, consider:   How can the obstacles be removed?   Can a win be redefined?   What can rebalance a loss?   What’s the long term perspective? ………………? ………………?
What unexpected may conceivably occur?

Key Features of the Win/Win Approach

GO BACK TO NEEDS .

Win/Win solutions are not always possible. Maintain an attitude of respect for all parties. Be willing to fix the problem.

Hard on the issue, easy on the person What are the needs What are the concerns

What are the long-term and short-term consequences of win/lose? What are the advantages of win/win? Identify many options and develop the ones that give everyone more of what they need. Re-define what constitutes a win. What can be done to balance a loss?

Offer options that are of high value to them and easy for you to give. Listen to and acknowledge their needs and concerns.

Take a long term view. Maintain dialogue or its possibility. Fly win/win flags.

Resist greed and injustice. Avoid infringing your own and others’ rights.

STRENGTHEN YOUR OWN APPROACH RATHER THAN WEAKENING THEIRS.

Conflict Resolution Trainers' Manual - 12 Skills by Conflict Resolution Network is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

" s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="course" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../pop/course.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="480" b-resizable="1" i-height="480" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="Lesson 2 of 7 " --> - learn to communicate effectively
	- Win-win Problem-solving Skill , MSW Member

site intro > course outline , Lesson 2 study guide or links , chat , search , or prior page > here

Updated  01-09-2015

      Clicking underlined links here will open a new window . Other links will open  an informational popup, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If your playback device doesn't support Javascript, the popups may not display. Follow underlined links after finishing this article to avoid getting lost.       This is one of a series of articles in Lesson-2 " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="p2" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/lesson2.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="440" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="320" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="Lesson-2 " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; p2_handle = window.open(page,"p2",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){p2_handle.window.focus();} } //--> Lesson-2 - learn communication basics and seven powerful skills " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="skills" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/skills.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="410" b-resizable="1" i-height="360" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="skills " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; skills_handle = window.open(page,"skills",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){skills_handle.window.focus();} } //--> skills to get more daily needs met more often. Progress with this Lesson depends on progress on Lesson 1 - free your true Self to guide " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="traits" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/Selftraits.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" i-height="420" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="guide " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; traits_handle = window.open(page,"traits",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){traits_handle.window.focus();} } //--> guide you in calm and conflictual times. This article overviews the vital skill of  effective (win-win) problem-solving.       This brief YouTube video outlines what you'll find in this article. The video refers to eight lessons in this Web site - I've simplified that to seven.       This article assumes you're familiar with... the intro to this nonprofit Web site and the premises underlying it   self-improvement Lessons 1 and 2 " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="course" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../pop/course.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="480" b-resizable="1" i-height="480" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="1 and 2 " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; course_handle = window.open(page,"course",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){course_handle.window.focus();} } //--> 1 and 2 common communication blocks options for analyzing and solving relationship problems       Perspective       How do you define "a (social)  problem," and how many "problems" are you faced with in an average day? How effective are you at "solving" them? From one (I am never effective at problem-solving) to ten (I'm consistently effective at problem solving), how do you rate your recent effectiveness? ___ Keep this in mind as you read. Option - also identify and keep in mind a person you feel is a very effective conflict or problem-solver.         See how you feel about these premises... human needs are dynamic physical, emotional, and spiritual discomforts. They range between minor to intense, surface to primary, and local to long-term. All personal and interpersonal "problems" are unfilled needs . Conflicts are needs that clash ("I need to talk, and you need to sleep."), and... All behavior - including communication - aims to fill (satisfy) each person's current conscious and unconscious needs.       From this view, "problem-solving skill" is an intentional communication process = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; inr_cnf_handle = window.open(page,"inr_cnf",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){inr_cnf_handle.window.focus();} } //--> within and between people seeking to fill their respective needs. This learnable skill can also be called conflict resolution when personal and/or social needs clash. This skill requires (a) knowledge of communication basics (b) fluency in six other communication skills, " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="skills" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/skills.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="410" b-resizable="1" i-height="360" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="skills, " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; skills_handle = window.open(page,"skills",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){skills_handle.window.focus();} } //--> skills, and (c) each person to be guided " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="traits" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/Selftraits.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="450" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="guided " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; traits_handle = window.open(page,"traits",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){traits_handle.window.focus();} } //--> guided by their true Self. " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="selves" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/selves.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="460" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="390" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="true Self." --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; selves_handle = window.open(page,"selves",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){selves_handle.window.focus();} } //--> true Self.

occurs when (a) each person gets their current primary needs met well enough (in their opinion), (b) in a way that feels "good enough" to each person involved.

This is most likely if all people involved believe that... meeting all partners' current primary needs " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="pneeds" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../pop/p_needs.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="520" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="450" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="primary needs " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; pneeds_handle = window.open(page,"pneeds",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){pneeds_handle.window.focus();} } //--> primary needs (vs. mine or yours) is the common goal; and that... this communication process (a) is the best available option, and (b) probably will succeed well enough for everyone involved.

      Popular alternatives to effective problem-solving are... fighting analyzing preaching nagging catastrophizing threatening arguing rationalizing whining manipulating obsessing repressing demanding explaining complaining hinting joking withdrawing blaming lecturing worrying denying procrastinating submitting       See any favorites? Do they usually reduce your and your partner's discomforts well enough? These behaviors are common because average people have significant psychological wounds " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="wounds" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/wounds.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="400" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="390" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="wounds " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; wounds_handle = window.open(page,"wounds",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){wounds_handle.window.focus();} } //--> wounds and don't (want to) know it, and they have never learned communication basics and skills. Both factors can be intentionally reduced, once they're recognized and accepted!         Note that the communication basics and skills apply to relations among your busy = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; pers_handle = window.open(page,"pers",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){pers_handle.window.focus();} } //--> personality subselves, as well as to the adults and kids in your life.       What might your life feel like if you doubled the effectiveness of your internal communication and problem solving? You really can learn to do this, using the ideas in Lesson 1 " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="L1" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/lesson1.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="420" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="340" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="Lesson 1 " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; L1_handle = window.open(page,"L1",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){L1_handle.window.focus();} } //--> Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="L2" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/lesson2.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="440" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="350" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="Lesson 2 " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; L2_handle = window.open(page,"L2",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){L2_handle.window.focus();} } //--> Lesson 2 here!       Think of a recent interpersonal problem or conflict, and how you responded to it. Compare your normal way of problem-solving with the framework that follows.   Problem-solving Steps        Here's an overview - details follow: 1) See if your true Self is guiding your personality. If not, lower your expectations. 2) Acknowledge (vs. deny) that you have a problem (unmet needs) 3) Use awareness and dig-down skills to identify your and any partner's current primary needs 4) Decide if you have an internal conflict, and interpersonal conflict, or both. Resolve internal conflicts (among your subselves) first; 5) Use awareness skill to check your attitude and focus (past, present, or future), 6) Ask your partner to problem-solve, and reduce any distractions 7) Confirm that (a) each person understands their own needs and each other person's needs; and that (b) each of you has a mutual-respect attitudes (our needs are equally important, except in an emergency) 8) Decide together if your conflict is (a) internal, (b) abstract (e.g. I need security) or concrete (e.g. I need a new vehicle), and/or (c) a current communication-needs = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cxneed_grid_handle = window.open(page,"cxneed_grid",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cxneed_grid_handle.window.focus();} } //--> clash. Then set your problem-solving goals accordingly:  Option - If thus process works well for you, appreciate yourself and each other - an possible review w3hy it worked well to reinforce your awareness.

: these steps may seem too complex at first. If you patiently experiment with and practice your version of these steps, they'll become automatic and effortless!

Step 1)  Check to see if your true Self is guiding " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="traits" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/Selftraits.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" i-height="420" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="guiding " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; traits_handle = window.open(page,"traits",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){traits_handle.window.focus();} } //--> guiding your personality in all situations, not just problem solving. If a false self controls you, work toward an effective strategy to free " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="free" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/freeSelf.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" i-height="444" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="free " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; free_handle = window.open(page,"free",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){free_handle.window.focus();} } //--> free your Self to guide you. Use Lesson 1 resources to do this. Also commit to growing proficient at these seven communication skills. " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="skills" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/skills.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="410" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="360" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="skills. " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; skills_handle = window.open(page,"skills",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){skills_handle.window.focus();} } //--> skills. Step 2)  Acknowledge honestly that you have a conflict (need-clash) (a) within yourself " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="inr_cnf" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/inr_conflict.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="460" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="390" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="within yourself " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; inr_cnf_handle = window.open(page,"inr_cnf",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){inr_cnf_handle.window.focus();} } //--> within yourself and / or (b) with your partner / s; without significant guilt, anxiety, or shame. Alternatives : repress, deny, defer, minimize, self-distract, rationalize, and/or avoid the  current need or conflict; and / or... acknowledge the conflict, and give the responsibility of resolving it to someone else (i.e. "expect a miracle", or adopt a martyr or victim stance); Step 3)  Use = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_aware_handle = window.open(page,"cx_aware",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_aware_handle.window.focus();} } //--> awareness skill to do E(motion)-level, attitude, focus , and time checks . If... No one's = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; e_lvl_handle = window.open(page,"e_lvl",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){e_lvl_handle.window.focus();} } //--> E-level is "above their ears" (so they can't hear well); and... a ll people involved seem to feel "We're mutually-respectful teammate s now (vs. opponents)," and ... everyone expects win-win problem-solving to fill your respective needs well enough, and ... you each can maintain a stable two-person awareness bubble, " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="bbl" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/bubble.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="380" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="340" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="awareness bubble, " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; bbl_handle = window.open(page,"bbl",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){bbl_handle.window.focus();} } //--> awareness bubble, and... everyone wants to set aside enough undistracted time right now (e.g. 15" - 30" or more);... ...then go ahead. Otherwise... use respectful = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; el_handle = window.open(page,"el",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){el_handle.window.focus();} } //--> empathic listening to bring E(motion)-levels down below the ears, and/or... make achieving mutual-respect attitudes your first shared problem-solving goal, and/or... mutually agree on a block of undistracted time in the near future to problem-solve together.   Step 4)  Agree (out loud, at first) to problem-solve together . Note and reduce or eliminate any major emotional or physical distractions with = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_aware_handle = window.open(page,"cx_aware",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_aware_handle.window.focus();} } //--> awareness and = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; metacx_handle = window.open(page,"metacx",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){metacx_handle.window.focus();} } //--> metatalk;       Recall - these are steps to resolve personal and interpersonal problems effectively.

" s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="p_needs" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../pop/p_needs.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="577" b-resizable="1" i-height="444" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="primary needs " --> of you now.

       For instance, " I need the car at 3:30 " is a surface need. The underlying primary need is " I need security : i.e. assurance that I have a reliable, convenient-enough way to (a) make my 3:30 dental appointment across town on time, and then to (b) return here no later than 5:45. "       If discovering your primary needs evokes strong reactions like shame, guilt, anxiety, or resentment, acknowledge the feelings honestly - vs. pretending, collapsing, whining, or fleeing. Each such emotion signals one or more active subselves and unfilled needs.         This primary -need-discovery step takes time and patience ! Shortcutting this step in important situations steeply raises the odds someone won't get their needs met, and will then lose confidence and interest in this problem-solving framework. Help each other develop your dig-down skills! Step 6)   Use = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_aware_handle = window.open(page,"cx_aware",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_aware_handle.window.focus();} } //--> awareness, = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; assert_handle = window.open(page,"assert",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){assert_handle.window.focus();} } //--> assertion, and = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; el_handle = window.open(page,"el",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){el_handle.window.focus();} } //--> empathic listening, to confirm that each person (a) understands their and their partner's primary needs clearly, and (b) values everyone's needs equally now. Popular alternatives to this are... mind-read your partner ( assume you know their needs); ignore someone's needs (Attitude: "I'm 1-up"); " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="r_msg" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../cx/pop/r_msg.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="430" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="330" i-left="0" s-hyperlink=""I'm 1-up"); " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; r_msg_handle = window.open(page,"r_msg",",,,,,scrollbars,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){r_msg_handle.window.focus();} } //--> "I'm 1-up"); don't discriminate between surface and primary needs in important situations; and/or... rush the process and look for a quick solution. None of these is likely to fill everyone's primary needs , and the (surface) "problems" (needs) will return in some form. Step 7)  Decide together if your conflict is (a) = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; inr_cnfl_handle = window.open(page,"inr_cnfl",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){inr_cnfl_handle.window.focus();} } //--> internal, (b) abstract or concrete , and/or (c) a current communication-needs = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cxneed_grid_handle = window.open(page,"cxneed_grid",",,,,,scrollbars,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cxneed_grid_handle.window.focus();} } //--> clash. Then set your problem-solving goals accordingly: If your clash is internal (among your active subselves) use the = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_skills_handle = window.open(page,"cx_skills",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_skills_handle.window.focus();} } //--> seven skills and some form of inner-family conflict resolution . If your conflict is abstract (e.g. conflicting opinions or = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; vc_handle = window.open(page,"vc",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){vc_handle.window.focus();} } //--> values, like "I like fish; you prefer red meat"), aim to compromise or agree to disagree without blame or shame . Trying to persuade or convert your partner implies " My way is better - I'm 1-up here, and you’re 1-down. " As a communication style, " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="cx_style" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/styles.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="470" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="420" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="style, " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_style_handle = window.open(page,"cx_style",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_style_handle.window.focus();} } //--> style, attempting such "persuasions" (do what I want) promotes resentment, frustration, and avoidances. If you disagree over something concrete   - like both needing the car or checkbook at the same time, creatively brainstorm all possible solutions , no matter how weird. Nutty ideas can lead unexpectedly to win / win outcomes. This step is not a contest. It can be fun - even hilarious, if = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; e_lvl_handle = window.open(page,"e_lvl",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){e_lvl_handle.window.focus();} } //--> E(motion) levels are down, and nobody feels overly 1-down, pressured, insecure, or anxious. If your present communication = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cxneed_grid_handle = window.open(page,"cxneed_grid",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cxneed_grid_handle.window.focus();} } //--> needs clash, use = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; metacx_handle = window.open(page,"metacx",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){metacx_handle.window.focus();} } //--> metatalk to acknowledge this (e.g. "I need to vent, and you seem too distracted to listen to me now.") Then cooperatively focus all seven skills on aligning your respective communication needs within local limitations.

and metatalk skills is so vital to long-range relationship success!

Step 8)   Mutually pick the best-fit from your solution options and see if each partner is genuinely satisfied enough. If not, avoid blaming anyone. Recheck your attitudes and expectations (step 3), and consider recycling steps 3 > 7 if time and energy allow. Option - If this problem-solving process works well enough for everyone, appreciate yourselves and each other! . Option : explore why your process worked well together. If your process "sort of" succeeded - or didn't, help each other avoid self and mutual criticism. Work to agree on how to problem-solve differently the next time. Make your steady communication-skill goal " progress , not perfection!" + + +        How do these eight problem-solving steps compare with your current way of responding to personal and social conflict? How well do you and your partner/s resolve internal, abstract, concrete, and communication-need conflicts now? Consider that most people (like you?) have never been taught (a) communication basics, (b) these problem-solving steps, or (c) the other six communication skills. " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="skills" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/skills.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="411" b-resizable="1" i-height="360" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="skills. " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; skills_handle = window.open(page,"skills",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){skills_handle.window.focus();} } //--> skills.       Do you believe that practicing these steps would eventually get more of your and your partners' needs met? Notice your = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; selftalk_handle = window.open(page,"selftalk",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){selftalk_handle.window.focus();} } //--> self-talk now. Is there anything blocking your trying these seven related communication skills including this problem-solving framework?       Pause and reflect : can you name any investment of energy and time (other than reducing significant psychological wounds) that would be more valuable to you and your family than strengthening your shared communication skills? Are you really motivated to do so now ? Is your partner? What if you aren't?      Learn communication basics, skills, and more in the practical guidebook Satisfactions - 7 relationship skills you need to know (Xlibris.com, 2nd ed., 2010). It integrates all the key Lesson-2 Web articles and resources into a convenient reference book, and is available as an e-book and in print. Recap        This article offers perspective on human "problems" (unfilled needs ). It describes common in effective ways people try to resolve their social problems, and outlines 8 steps toward effective interpersonal problem-solving. These steps require (a) your true Self to guide you, (b) knowledge of communication basics, and (c) fluency in the other six communication skills described in online Lesson 2.      Learn something about yourself with this 1-question = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; poll_ps_handle = window.open(page,"poll_ps",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){poll_ps_handle.window.focus();} } //--> anonymous poll.       Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this problem-solving summary? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="dig" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../pop/dig.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="430" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="390" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="do " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; dig_handle = window.open(page,"dig",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){dig_handle.window.focus();} } //--> do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise, resident true Self " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="traits" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../gwc/pop/Selftraits.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="450" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="true Self " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; traits_handle = window.open(page,"traits",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){traits_handle.window.focus();} } //--> true Self (capital "S") or "someone else"? " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="inr_fr" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../gwc/pop/inr_f.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="500" b-resizable="1" b-scroll="1" i-height="410" i-left="0" s-hyperlink=""someone else"? " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; inr_fr_handle = window.open(page,"inr_fr",",,,,,scrollbars,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){inr_fr_handle.window.focus();} } //--> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; Inr_f_handle = window.open(page,"Inr_f",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){Inr_f_handle.window.focus();} } //--> ''someone else''? Next - learn about your current problem-solving style with this inventory , and then experiment with this problem-solving practice with a partner. Also consider = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_maps_handle = window.open(page,"cx_maps",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_maps_handle.window.focus();} } //--> mapping your usual conflict-resolution = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; cx_sequence_handle = window.open(page,"cx_sequence",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){cx_sequence_handle.window.focus();} } //--> process with a key partner (mate, child, parent, friend, co-worker...). Do this to explore and help each other, not to shame, blame, or triumph.        Overall, continue patiently studying and applying Lessons 1 and 2, " s-wudll="popup.dll" i-bordersize="0" s-windowname="course" i-type="1" b-center="1" tag="p" i-rotate="0" s-class="floatwin" u-windowurl="../../pop/course.htm" clientside i-top="0" i-width="460" b-resizable="1" i-height="460" i-left="0" s-hyperlink="Lessons 1 and 2, " --> = 4){ l = (screen.width - w) / 2; t = (screen.height - h) / 2; } var loc = 'width=' + w + ',height=' + h + ',top=' + t + ',left=' + l; course_handle = window.open(page,"course",",,,,,,resizable," + loc); if(parseInt(navigator.appVersion) >= 4){course_handle.window.focus();} } //--> Lessons 1 and 2, and expect your satisfaction and serenity to rise!.

  This article was very helpful  somewhat helpful  not helpful      

a2a_linkurl="https://sfhelp.org/cx/skills/ps.htm";   Prior page  

  site intro   /  course outline   /  site search   /  definitions   /   chat   /  contact

--> --> --> -->

• Welcome To The Positive Encourager
• Positive Philosophies
• Choosing To Be Positive
• Choosing To Do Positive Work
• Choosing To Build A Positive Planet
• Contents: Browse all topics
• Positive Encourager Media Page

• Follow Mike

The Win-Win Approach

There are many ways to try to solve differences. One approach is for people to aim to – as far as possible – get win-win solutions. These are more likely to achieve long term success rather than those that are based on win-lose or lose-lose.

Good mediators use their individual strengths to help people find solutions. Many of them, however, focus on the following themes.

This approach may sound idealistic but, providing people are prepared to work together, it is often possible to make it work. It calls for finding and building on common ground, however, and then finding creative solutions to challenges.

This is a positive way forwards. Human beings need to find win-win solutions in order to live and work together. Win-Lose will just lead to more conflict in the future. Win-win is vital for both people and the planet.

Good mediators recognise that most people want similar things in life. They want to be loved, happy and live in peace. They want to feel free, valued and respected. They want to be able to shape their futures and achieve success.

Mediators aim to build on what people have in common and find positive solutions. This can be quite challenging, but the alternative produces lots of losers. Let’s explore how this approach can work in different situations.

Imagine that you have been asked to help people to resolve differences between them. This could be a married couple that are experiencing difficulties, departments that are blaming each other or some other kinds of warring parties.

The following pages explore some of the steps you can take to help people tackle such challenges.

Making Sure The Conditions Are In Place For Finding Win-Win Solutions

As mentioned earlier, several conditions must be in place before it is possible to solve deep differences.

People must want to solve the conflict;

People must be prepared to work hard to find, as far as possible, win-wins.

Timing is everything. Many conflicts only get resolved when the parties are exhausted. Couples feel weary from fighting a divorce, terrorists became too old or too tired to fight, employers and strikers are exhausted after an industrial dispute.

People get tired of the negative energy. They are then more willing to sit down and find positive solutions. Before getting involved in any conflict resolution, it is important to ask the following questions.

Are people ready to work together?

Do they really want to solve the problem? Remember, some people are addicted to conflict so they may not want to solve the problem.

Are people prepared to co-operate to find, as far as possible, a win-win solution?

How high is their motivation to do this on a scale 0 – 10? People need to score at least a 7+ to have a chance of producing success. This also calls for people to be prepared to focus on finding positive solutions rather than scoring points.

Are people ready to focus on how things can be better in the future?  

This is crucial. Some people want to simply argue about the past and allocate blame. Whilst it may be vital to admit mistakes, the key is to focus on how to create a positive future. Providing people want to solve the problem, it is then possible to move onto the next step.

Clarifying What Each Party Wants And Building On Common Ground

Start by clarifying what each person or each party wants. One key point:

This includes what people want on a feeling level as well as a factual level.

People may want, for example, to feel valued, respected and able to shape their futures. Later it will be possible to explore to what extent it is possible for people to get the things they want.

Focus on what people have in common rather than the differences. Some people may try to draw you into arguing about the differences, but return to the similarities.

When working with divorcing parents, for example, you will start by focusing on the shared aims they have in common. They may get into arguments, but both will probably say they want the best for their children.

You can then build on this shared aim. There will be lots of time later to explore the differences.

There are many models for helping people to build on common ground. One approach is to encourage people to focus on the Third Side. Here is a short introduction to this approach.

The Third Side

The following section is based on work done by William Ury, who has helped many people to find solutions to conflicts. One approach he uses is to encourage people to focus on what he calls the Third Side.

People can get into difficulties because they sit opposite each other and fight for their own agendas. Each party says the equivalent of: “I am right,” or “Our side is right.” “You are wrong.” These are the First and Second Sides.

People are more likely to achieve a positive outcome if they can sit side-by-side and look together towards a Third Side. This is the greater What and Why.

People often get into arguments about the How, but it is important to focus on the higher purpose. This purpose may be, for example, the children’s welfare after a divorce, the team’s goals or the kind of world we want to pass on to future generations.

When working with divorcing parents, for example, you will start by focusing on the shared aims they have in common. They may get into arguments and say that:

“We have nothing in common.”

They blame each other and say that things would be better if the other person changed. At a certain point, however, you may say something like the following

“You say you have little in common, but do you both want the best for your children?”

They will probably agree that they do, but may disagree on how to achieve those aims. You may then say something like:

“Looking ahead, let’s explore the actual words you would like your children to be saying in 10 years about the way you managed the divorce.

“For example, you may want them to be saying things like:  

‘Mum and Dad behaved in a good way when they went apart. They never used us as pawns or blamed us.  

‘They continued to encourage us and helped us to develop. We now have two homes where we can go and feel at ease.

‘Mum and Dad managed the difficult situation in a positive way.’

Sometimes it is possible to build on what people have in common and agree on a set of goals, a mission or a company’s picture of success. This becomes the Third Side.

Providing people are clear on the agreed overall goals, you can then say things like:

“As far as I understand it, these are the goals to achieve. This is the picture of success.  

“These are the benefits – for the various parties- of achieving the goals.  

“Is this something you want to work towards achieving?”

Mediators recognise that it can take time to get to this point. Bearing this in mind, let’s explore this approach in more depth.

Clarifying The Common Goals – The Third Side

Imagine that you have been asked to facilitate a discussion about enabling people to work together towards a common goal. The first step is to clarify the potential Third Side.

This is what I was asked to do when invited to work with two departmental heads in a company. The Chief Executive was losing patience with the two teams that were supposed to work together to achieve the company’s goals.

The challenge was that each team focused only on their own targets. When asked about cross-functional work, they blamed each other for failures. This downward spiral affected the service given to customers and the whole company performance.

Bearing this in mind, I met the Chief Executive to clarify the real results to achieve. He was crystal clear on what he wanted them to contribute towards achieving the company’s picture of success.

This called for the respective departments to implement certain strategies to work together, deliver high levels of customer satisfaction and, in the process, contribute to achieving the company’s goals.

The key would be to encourage the departmental heads to focus on these outcomes. They had forgotten to focus on the real What – the things they must deliver to achieve the company’s picture of success. Instead they had fallen into arguments about the How.

This sounds relatively straight-forward. But what happens when you don’t have an authority – such as a CEO – who can let people know about the desired Third Side?

Clarifying What Each Party Wants and Building On Common Ground

One approach is to meet with each party and clarify what each of them wants. The keys will be:

To clarify their respective aims;  

To then build on common ground.

Each party may want to begin by expressing their feelings about the situation. When appropriate, however, you can invite them to focus on the future.

Good mediators show that they recognise people’s feelings. They then encourage people to channel their energy towards finding solutions. One approach is to invite them to look to the future. It is to ask questions around the following themes.

“Looking ahead, what would you like to happen? What are the real results you want to achieve? What is your picture of success?”

Mediators listen without judgement and play back what they are hearing. If appropriate, however, they sometimes invite people to express their ideas in a positive way.

If one party says that they want others to stop doing something, for example, the mediator invites them to say what they would like the others to do instead.

Towards the end of the conversation the mediator will summarise what they believe to be a party’s goals. They may say something along the following lines.

“As far as I understand it, the goals you would like to achieve are:  

“Is that right? Are there any other things that you would like to happen in the future?”

Imagine that you have taken this approach. You will have met with each party and clarified their aims.

The next step is to bring people together and focus on some of the common goals. Some people may try to draw you into arguing about the differences, but return to the similarities.

Keep bringing people back to the What – the real results they want to achieve. This can be challenging, because people often want to get into arguing about the How. When helping people, it can be useful to bear in mind some of the following guidelines.

Building On The Common Ground

The next step is to make sure the parties are prepared to build on the common ground. Sometimes this calls for again explaining it is important to get some quick successes rather than rushing into trying to solve deep differences.

Looking at the work with the two departmental heads, both had worked with me before so they knew the session would be positive. During the meeting it was important to take the following steps.

To create an encouraging environment and explain that I was sure we could pool our resources to find a win-win;

To explain that, if they were open to it, we would explore how they could be supported to combine their talents to achieve the company’s goals;

To put these goals in front of us so that we were literally all on the same side and looking together at the company’s picture of success.

Going deeper, I explained we had been tasked with working together to find solutions. Were they willing to work towards satisfying the customers and achieving the company’s goals?

“Yes, of course we are willing,” was the joint reply, followed by a few caveats.

Taking Steps To Achieve The Common Goals

Success builds confidence. So it is vital to focus on specific things that people can do to deliver some early wins. This is what happened with the two departmental heads in the company. They made specific action plans that involved them co-operating:

To deliver superb service to the customer;  

To produce success stories that enhanced the reputation of the customer and company;  

To proactively keep the Chief Executive informed about their contribution towards achieving the company’s picture of success.

The two people worked together to get some quick wins. They then developed a pattern of building on what they had in common rather than only focusing on differences. This laid the groundwork for helping them to achieve ongoing success.

Imagine that you want to take this approach in a specific situation. This could be in the family, work or an organisation. As mentioned earlier, however, people must want to find win-win solutions.

Bearing this in mind, you can use the following framework. This involves mapping out: a) the specific things each party wants; b) the common ground; c) the specific thing people can do to build on common ground and get some quick successes.

Managing Differences

You can now move onto the differences. This can be an emotionally loaded area, so you can do your best to maintain a positive atmosphere.

Bearing this in mind, sometimes it can be useful to make clear working contracts. These can be based on the guidelines that mediators know work well in such situations.

Such agreements often cover the following themes. a) the goals to achieve – such as to find a win-win solution; b) the mediator’s role and the other parties’ roles in working to achieve the goals; c) the suggested guidelines people can follow to work to achieve the goals.

Making Clear Contracts

Clear contracting helps to provide a structure that people can follow to channel their energies in a positive way. There are many ways to take this step. One approach to making clear contracts is:

To show respect to people and explain that you will do your best to help them to find solutions;  

To outline some guidelines for working together to find solutions;

To ask if they are willing to follow the guidelines and work together to find solutions.

Mediators sometimes suggest the following guidelines. To have one person speak at a time; to respect each person’s views; to seek to understand what the person is saying before responding; to build on areas of agreement; to solve any conflicts by asking: “How can we, as far as possible, get a win-win?”  

Sometimes the situation may get heated. If appropriate, you can call a time out and give people chance to calm down. Returning to the agreed contract, you can invite people to decide if they want to continue working to find solutions.

Imagine that people have agreed to the working guidelines. You can focus on each difference – each topic – in turn. Maintaining a respectful atmosphere you can aim:

To focus on the first challenge and, whenever possible, phrase this in positive terms;

For example, encourage people to focus on: “How can we live in peace?” rather than: “Why do we keep fighting?”;

To clarify what each person or party wants or would like to happen in the future – this to be on both a feeling and factual level;

To build a picture of the things people want and clarify the real results to achieve – the picture of success;  

To clarify the benefits – for all the various stakeholders – of achieving this picture of success;  

To move on to doing some creative problem solving and aim to find – as far as possible – win-win solutions.

There are many models for finding solutions to challenges. One approach is to use the Three C model. It encourages people to focus on Clarity, Creativity and Concrete Results.

This involves clarifying the real results to achieve – the picture of success.

This involves exploring the possible options for going forwards – the possible choices and consequences – together with the pluses and minuses of each option.  

The next step is to do some creative thinking. Bearing in mind the results to achieve, you can invite people to explore any other possible creative solutions.  

If appropriate, at a certain point you may ask if it is okay for you to share some possible ideas. If so, you may say something like the following.

“One possibility is …  

“Another possibility is …

These ideas are offered in the spirit of being other possibilities rather than telling people what to do. The people will eventually need to commit to an idea that they want to pursue.

Concrete Results  

This involves inviting people to choose the specific route – or combination of routes – they want to pursue. It also involves agreeing on an action plan and getting some quick successes.

Good mediators stay calm during the process. They recognise that some of the differences may be deep-seated. Some may also involve feelings of pain, mistrust or fear.

Mediators encourage people to focus on one topic at a time and get some quick successes. They recognise, however, that many topics are interlinked, but jumping from topic to topic will not work.

A more fruitful approach can be to tackle one topic, get a success and build confidence. It is then possible to explore the links to other topics and again get successes.

Another key point is worth bearing in mind. People may want similar things and agree on the picture of success. But they may have differences about the style that others follow to achieve the goals.

A strong-willed person, for example, may have the ability to inspire or intimidate other people. If they pursue the intimidation strategy, then this can create collateral damage. Such a person can learn to channel their personality, however, rather than change their personality.

If appropriate, it can be useful to ask a person something like the following.  

“Would you be open to adding another option to your repertoire to help you and others to achieve success?”

“Would you be open to adding to another option to your repertoire to help you and others to achieve success?”

If the person says they would, it may be possible to help them to add to their strategies. They are more likely to be open to such additions, however, if they feel these will help both themselves and others to achieve success.

Bearing all these factors in mind, mediators often focus on the following themes during the sessions.

They encourage people to keep following guidelines that we know work for finding solutions;

They encourage people to keep focusing on the future, the real results to achieve and the benefits of achieving this picture of success;

They encourage people to explore the potential choices, the consequences and the options that are most likely to achieve the desired consequences.

They encourage people to avoid using moral judgements – such as them saying that things are good or bad, right or wrong. Such moral judgements do not help. The future is about choices and consequences. Which set of consequences do they want?

They encourage people to focus on the results to achieve – plus the benefits – and keep saying things like:

“As far as I understand, the results you want to achieve are:1) to …; 2) to … ; 3) to … How can we do our best to get these results? How can we, as far as possible, get win-wins?”

Good mediators stay patient. They believe that people can, when they wish, be incredibly creative and find solutions. They also, when appropriate, offer suggestions that can help people to achieve their picture of success.

How do painful problems get solved? Some don’t – people go on fighting. Some get solved because people lose interest – they get tired, accept the differences or move-on with their lives.

There are many ways to tackle challenges. The win-win approach is more likely to achieve lasting success rather than those that are based on win-lose or lose-lose.

Imagine that you have helped people to build on what they have in common. This could be in the family, work or an organisation. You will have also helped them to get some successes.

You may then want to explore how to help people to manage the differences. One approach is to use the following framework. You will, of course, adapt this in your own way to help people to get win-win solutions.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

   Name (required)

   Email (will not be published) (required)

   Website

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

• INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
• Negotiation and Persuasion Skills

Negotiation in Action

Search SkillsYouNeed:

Interpersonal Skills:

• A - Z List of Interpersonal Skills
• Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment
• Communication Skills
• Emotional Intelligence
• Conflict Resolution and Mediation Skills
• Customer Service Skills
• Team-Working, Groups and Meetings
• Decision-Making and Problem-Solving
• What is Negotiation?
• Transactional Analysis
• Avoiding Misunderstandings in Negotiations
• Peer Negotiation
• Negotiating Within Your Job
• Negotiation and Persuasion in Personal Relationships
• Negotiation Across Cultures
• Persuasion and Influencing Skills
• Developing Persuasion Skills

Subscribe to our FREE newsletter and start improving your life in just 5 minutes a day.

You'll get our 5 free 'One Minute Life Skills' and our weekly newsletter.

We'll never share your email address and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Negotiation is a means of resolving differences between people.  In the process of negotiation, not only are different opinions taken into account, but also individual needs, aims, interests and differences in background and culture.

This page looks at different ways we may negotiate including the 'Win-Lose' approach, also known as bargaining or haggling, and the 'Win-Win' approach to negotiation, which is preferable when you want to build a meaningful and strong interpersonal relationship.

The Win-Lose Approach to Negotiation

Negotiation is sometimes seen in terms of ‘ getting your own way ’, ‘ driving a hard bargain ’ or ‘ beating off the opposition ’.  While in the short term bargaining may well achieve the aims for one side, it is also a Win-Lose approach.

This means that while one side wins the other loses and this outcome may well damage future relationships between the parties. It also increases the likelihood of relationships breaking down, of people walking out or refusing to deal with the ‘ winners ’ again and the process ending in a bitter dispute.

Win-Lose bargaining is probably the most familiar form of negotiating that is undertaken.  Individuals decide what they want, then each side takes up an extreme position, such as asking the other side for much more than they expect to get.

Through haggling – the giving and making of concessions – a compromise is reached, and each side’s hope is that this compromise will be in their favour.

A typical example is haggling over the price of a car:

“What do you want for it?” “I couldn’t let it go for under £2,000.” “I’ll give you £1,000.” “You must be joking.” “Well, £1,100 and that’s my limit.” “ £1,900 ” … “£1,300” … “ £1,700 ” ... “£1,500” … “Done!”

Both parties need good assertiveness skills to be able to barter or haggle effectively.

While this form of bargaining may be acceptable in the used car market, and even expected in some cultures, for most situations it has drawbacks. These drawbacks can have serious consequences if applied to social situations.

For example, win-lose negotiation:

May serve to turn the negotiation into a conflict situation , and can serve to damage any possible long-term relationship.

Is essentially dishonest – both sides try to hide their real views and mislead the other.

Reaches a compromise solution which may not have be the best possible outcome – there may have been some other agreement that was not thought of at the time - an outcome that was both possible and would have better served both parties.

Agreement is less likely to be reached as each side has made a public commitment to a particular position and feels they must defend it, even though they know it to be an extreme position originally.

While there are times when bargaining is an appropriate means of reaching an agreement, such as when buying a used car, generally a more sensitive approach is preferable. 

Negotiation concerning other people’s lives is perhaps best dealt with by using an approach which takes into account the effect of the outcome on thoughts, emotions and subsequent relationships. You may find our page on emotional intelligence helpful.

The Win-Win Approach to Negotiation

Many professional negotiators prefer to aim towards what is known as a Win-Win solution. This involves looking for resolutions that allow both sides to gain.

In other words, negotiators aim to work together towards finding a solution to their differences that results in both sides being satisfied.

Key points when aiming for a Win-Win outcome include:

• Focus on maintaining the relationship - ‘separate the people from the problem’.
• Focus on interests not positions.
• Generate a variety of options that offer gains to both parties before deciding what to do.
• Aim for the result to be based on an objective standard.

Focus on Maintaining the Relationship

This means not allowing the disagreement to damage the interpersonal relationship, not blaming the others for the problem and aiming to confront the problem not the people. This can involve actively supporting the other individuals while confronting the problem.

Separate the people from the problem

Disagreements and negotiations are rarely ‘one-offs’.  At times of disagreement, it is important to remember that you may well have to communicate with the same people in the future.  For this reason, it is always worth considering whether ‘winning’ the particular issue is more important than maintaining a good relationship.

All too often disagreement is treated as a personal affront.  Rejecting what an individual says or does is seen as rejection of the person. Because of this, many attempts to resolve differences degenerate into personal battles or power struggles with those involved getting angry, hurt or upset.

Remember negotiation is about finding an agreeable solution to a problem, not an excuse to undermine others , therefore, to avoid negotiation breaking down into argument, it is helpful to consciously separate the issues under dispute from the people involved.  For example, it is quite possible to hold people in deep regard, to like them, to respect their worth, their feelings, values and beliefs, and yet to disagree with the particular point they are making. One valuable approach is to continue to express positive regard for an individual, even when disagreeing with what he/she is saying.

The following are examples of statements that might be used by a good negotiator:

“ You’ve expressed your points very clearly and I can now appreciate your position. However... ” “ It’s clear that you are very concerned about this issue, as I am myself. Yet from my viewpoint... ”

Another way of avoiding personal confrontation is to avoid blaming the other party for creating the problem. It is better to talk in terms of the impact the problem is having personally, or on the organisation or situation, rather than pointing out any errors.

Instead of saying:

“You’re making me waste a lot of time by carrying on with this argument,”

the same point could be presented as,

“I’m not able to spend a lot of time on this problem, I wonder if there’s any way we could solve it quickly?”

By not allowing ‘disagreements over issues’ to become ‘disagreements between people’, a good relationship can be maintained, regardless of the outcome of the negotiation.

See our pages Mediation Skills , Conflict Resolution and Justice and Fairness for more information.

Focus on Interests Not Positions

Rather than focusing on the other side’s stated position, consider the underlying interests they might have. What are their needs, desires and fears?  These might not always be obvious from what they say. When negotiating, individuals often appear to be holding on to one or two points from which they will not move.

For example, in a work situation an employee might say “I am not getting enough support” while the employer believes that the person is getting as much support as they can offer and more than others in the same position. However, the employee's underlying interest might be that he or she would like more friends or someone to talk to more often. By focusing on the interests rather than the positions, a solution might be that the employer refers the employee to a befriending organisation so that his or her needs can be met.

Focusing on interests is helpful because:

• It takes into account individual needs, wants, worries and emotions.
• There are often a number of ways of satisfying interests, whereas positions tend to focus on only one solution.
• While positions are often opposed, individuals may still have common interests on which they can build.

Most people have an underlying need to feel good about themselves and will strongly resist any attempt at negotiation that might damage their self-esteem.

Often their need to maintain feelings of self-worth is more important than the particular point of disagreement.  Therefore, in many cases, the aim will be to find some way of enabling both sides to feel good about themselves, while at the same time not losing sight of the goals.

If individuals fear their self-esteem is at risk, or that others will think less highly of them following negotiation, they are likely to become stubborn and refuse to move from their stated position, or become hostile and offended and leave the discussion.

See our page: Improving Self-Esteem for more background.

Understanding the emotional needs of others is an essential part of understanding their overall perspective and underlying interests.  In addition to understanding others’ emotional needs, understanding of your own emotional needs are equally important.  It can be helpful to discuss how everyone involved feels during negotiation. Learn more about Emotional Intelligence .

Another key point is that decisions should not be forced upon others. This is a negotiation. Both sides will feel much more committed to a decision if they feel it is something they have helped to create and that their ideas and suggestions have been taken into account. 

It is important to clearly express your own needs, desires, wants and fears so that others can also focus on your interests.

See our pages on Assertiveness for more information.

Generate a Variety of Options that Offer Gains to Both Sides

Rather than looking for one single way to resolve differences, it is worthwhile considering a number of options that could provide a resolution and then to work together to decide which is most suitable for both sides.

Techniques such as brainstorming could be used to generate different potential solutions. In many ways, negotiation can be seen as a problem solving exercise, although it is important to focus on all individuals’ underlying interests and not merely the basic difference in positions.

Good negotiators will spend time finding a number of ways of meeting the interests of both sides rather than meeting self-interest alone and then discussing the possible solutions.

Our pages: Decision Making and Problem Solving can help here.

Aim for the Result to be Based on an Objective Standard

Having identified and worked towards meeting shared interests, it is often inevitable that some differences will remain.

Rather than resorting to a confrontational bargaining approach, which may leave individuals feeling let-down or angry, it can be helpful to seek some fair, objective and independent means of resolving the differences. It is important that such a basis for deciding is:

• Acceptable to both parties.
• Independent to both parties.
• Can be seen to be fair.

If no resolution can be reached, it may be possible to find some other, independent party whom both sides will trust to make a fair decision.

Other sources of help who might assist in situations which cannot be resolved include:

• A mutual friend or colleague
• A committee member
• A trained mediator

Before turning for help from such sources however it is important to agree that this approach is acceptable to both sides.

Further Reading from Skills You Need

Conflict Resolution and Mediation

Learn more about how to effectively resolve conflict and mediate personal relationships at home, at work and socially.

Our eBooks are ideal for anyone who wants to learn about or develop their interpersonal skills and are full of easy-to-follow, practical information.

Continue to: Avoiding Misunderstanding in Negotiation Transactional Analysis

See also: Building Rapport Mediation Skills Assertiveness

• Skip to primary navigation
• Skip to content

• Try Tactyqal

Win-Win Outcome in Negotiation: How to Turn Compromise into Shared Success

Negotiation. For some, the word evokes images of battlefields, enemies, concessions, and zero-sum games. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With the right mindset and skills, negotiation can be collaborative, creating value and shared success for all parties involved.

The key is focusing on interests over positions and working together to achieve mutual gains. This “win-win” approach allows everyone to emerge satisfied and positioned for an ongoing positive relationship.

Why “Win-Lose” Negotiation Fails

Traditional negotiation tactics often take an adversarial stance. Parties state extreme positions, make few concessions, withhold information, and use pressure tactics to “win” while their opponent “loses.” But this win-lose mentality fails for several reasons:

Breeds Distrust and Damages Relationships

Distrust already exists in many negotiations, but a combative win-lose approach amplifies it. Parties treat each other as enemies, believe information is being withheld, and feel they must “beat” the other side. This damages relationships making ongoing and future collaboration difficult.

Creates Inefficient Agreements

Parties dig into extreme positions, then reluctantly make small concessions toward a compromise. This leaves potential value untapped. Agreements serve neither side’s interests well.

Produces Conflict Spillover

The resentment created by win-lose tactics spills over into other areas causing conflict elsewhere. Focus becomes “getting even” instead of mutual success.

Losers Often Back Out

Winners may force unfavorable terms on the losers. But losers back out once they can, if better options exist. This causes instability.

Shifting to a Win-Win Mindset

Win-win negotiation requires a shift in mindset from adversarial to collaborative. The following principles help enable this transition:

Seek Mutual Gains

Rather than seeing the other side as an enemy, recognize them as partners in creating mutual success. Jointly brainstorm options where both parties win.

Focus on Interests Over Positions

Go beyond stated positions to uncover underlying motivations, needs and concerns. Fulfilling interests is the crux of win-win outcomes.

Separate People from the Problem

View the other negotiator as a human being with valid interests. Don’t demonize them for having opposing initial positions.

Embrace Differences in Perspective

Different backgrounds, assumptions and objectives are why negotiations occur. Expect and appreciate differing perspectives.

Establish Trust and Rapport

Creating an open, friendly environment facilitates the honesty and problem-solving needed for a win-win negotiation.

Skills for Win-Win Negotiation Success

Beyond mindset, negotiators also need the tactical skills to identify win-win opportunities and collaborate effectively with counterparts. Key skills include:

Active Listening

Fully understand what others say by paying close attention and asking clarifying questions. Correct misunderstandings.

Objective Criteria

Refer to facts and objective standards to develop proposals. This convinces others you are being fair.

Non-Positional Bargaining

Rather than starting with positions, begin by jointly defining issues, interests and options.

Gradual Concessions

Make small, sequenced concessions only to further the relationship, not due to pressure tactics.

Problem-Solving Creativity

Inventively develop multiple options to meet different interests simultaneously. Think outside the box.

Look for ways seemingly conflicting interests can actually be combined to create joint value. Take a synergistic perspective.

Realizing mutual gains takes time. Parties need space to shift from positional bargaining to interest-based problem-solving.

Examples of Win-Win Negotiation

Using a collaborative, win-win approach can create value in virtually any scenario. Some examples include:

Buyer-Supplier Relationships

Rather than taking advantage of a supplier’s weaknesses, buyers can partner for mutual innovation and reduced costs.

Business Partnerships

Joint ventures emphasize synergies between partners that amplify individual strengths and expand possibilities.

Family Conflicts

Family members manage differences by respectfully communicating needs and cooperatively seeking solutions.

International Diplomacy

Countries identify shared interests like economic development and jointly craft agreements advancing those interests.

Corporate Mergers

Merging companies preserve capabilities valued by all stakeholders while consolidating duplicated efforts.

Hostage Crises

Authorities negotiate win-win deals giving hostage takers psychological rewards in exchange for hostages’ safety.

Labor Relations

Unions and management increase competitiveness through flexible contracts meeting worker needs and improving productivity.

8 Steps to Win-Win Outcomes

Turning win-lose situations into win-win outcomes doesn’t happen by chance. Follow these eight key steps:

1. Set the Tone

Establish a friendly, collaborative tone upfront. Share your desire for a win-win outcome benefiting all.

2. Understand Interests

Ask why issues matter. Listen closely and probe to unearth underlying motivators. Suspend judgement.

3. Build Trust

Demonstrate genuine care for their interests. Share information freely. Be transparent and follow through on commitments.

4. Expand the Pie

Brainstorm creative options to maximize mutual gains. Look beyond positions for synergistic solutions.

5. Use Objective Criteria

Use facts, data, expert opinions, norms, and standards to develop fair proposals. Make principles not pressure the basis for agreements.

6. Insist on a Win-Win

If their proposed solution falls short of a true win-win, re-emphasize your goal of mutual satisfaction. Offer alternatives.

7. Make Gradual Concessions

Reciprocate their concessions, but only to the extent needed to reach win-win outcomes. Never concede from pressure.

8. Solidify Agreements

Ensure all feel the results meet their core interests. Formalize details in a written agreement. Celebrate!

Overcoming Obstacles to Win-Win Outcomes

Several obstacles can derail progress towards win-win negotiating:

Adversarial Orientations

If parties are rigidly adversarial, skeptical, and distrusting, it impedes the honesty and creativity needed for win-win agreements.

Narrow Mandates

Negotiators with little flexibility to meet interests thwart the reciprocal concessions and value creation of win-win deals.

Time Pressure

The problem-solving of win-win negotiating takes time. Time pressure rushed parties toward suboptimal compromises.

More issues, more parties, and more relationships make interest-based negotiation exponentially more challenging.

Inequality of Power

Lopsided power undermines the sincere collaboration necessary for mutually satisfying agreements.

Psychological Biases

Biases like reactive devaluation, fixed pie perceptions, and attribution errors block objectivity and integrative solutions.

Cultural Differences

Different norms for communication styles, trust-building, and relationship factors can impede negotiations if not properly understood.

Turning Compromise into Shared Success

Negotiation doesn’t have to be a zero-sum competition. With the right skills and approach, parties can expand the pie and achieve win-win outcomes benefitting all sides.

This creates superior agreements, strengthens relationships for the future, and unlocks new opportunities through collaboration. Shedding a combative mindset is the first step.

Parties must then invest time to thoroughly understand interests, develop objective criteria, and creatively problem-solve—turning compromise into shared success.

Related Posts

Priyanka transitioned from being a trendsetting fashionista to an influential business blogger. With an innate passion for style and an astute entrepreneurial mindset, Priyanka carved her own path in the digital landscape, captivating audiences with her unique blend of fashion-forward insights and astute business acumen. Through her posts, she shares her expertise on emerging trends, fashion industry analysis, and valuable advice for aspiring entrepreneurs.

You may also like

Coworking Spaces Vs Traditional Offices – Pros & Cons

• Startup consulting

What is Hockey Stick Growth?

Leave a comment cancel reply.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

• My Storyboards

Negotiation Outcomes: Win-Lose, Lose-Lose, and Win-Win

Exploring Corporate Negotiation Outcomes

The ultimate success of a business endeavor often hinges on the result of negotiations, as it determines the terms, agreements, and overall satisfaction of all parties involved. While many people think of negotiations as a competition where one side wins and the other loses, in reality, negotiations involve a more complex mixture of winning and losing. Win-win and win-lose negotiations each have their own distinct characteristics and potential outcomes. In the realm of corporate negotiations, the key to triumph lies in uncovering common ground and actively pursuing solutions that yield mutual benefits for all parties involved. The end result of almost all two party negotiations can be categorized as win-lose (one party benefits to the detriment of the other), lose-lose (both parties are worse off after the negotiation), or win-win (both parties come out ahead). If this fails, no agreement has been reached and the parties are forced to seek alternative solutions. While achieving win-win situations remains the ultimate goal, comprehending the intricacies of each result and employing effective strategies is paramount. By fostering a culture of collaboration and open communication, businesses can maximize value, cultivate robust relationships, and pave the way for long-term success.

While many people think of negotiations as a competition where one side wins and the other loses, in reality, they involve a more complex mixture of winning and losing. The result of almost all two party negotiations can be categorized as win-lose (one party benefits to the detriment of the other), lose-lose (both parties are worse off after), or win-win (both parties come out ahead). If the negotiation fails, no agreement has been reached and the sides are forced to seek alternative solutions.

Negotiation Outcomes

Win-lose outcome.

Frequently in this situation, both sides have attempted to be victorious, without much regard for the other party. Both sides may have come into the agreement with a desired goal and a "walk away" point. In a win-lose scenario, one party falls within this target range (or even exceeds it) and the other party falls below their target range.

Notice that these results occur when both are pushed below their 'walk away' point, ending in both sides losing money and experiencing an undesirable outcome. Such a scenario often arises when people are unaware of their best alternative options or negotiate against their own interests. Factors like coercion and asymmetric information can also contribute to win-lose situations. This approach, characterized by a competitive and zero-sum mentality, aims to secure the best scenario for one side while disregarding the other's interests. An example of a win-lose outcome could be when a buyer negotiates a significant price reduction from a supplier, leading to decreased profit margins for the supplier. In contrast, a win-win strategy seeks to craft solutions that benefit all parties involved. It recognizes that perceptions of the situation are relative and that fairness is essential for a situation to be deemed as occurring fairly. In the classic prisoner's dilemma, for instance, the best result would be for both sides to cooperate and be set free, but lowered expectations and a lack of trust make achieving such a win-win situation less likely.

Lose-Lose Outcome

If one or both sides can’t walk away, but are unwilling to make concessions, both will be forced to deal with the poor consequences of not reaching an agreement. Alternatively, both sides could be too quick to make concessions, reaching a compromise that is fair, but detrimental to both sides. Likewise, if both parties are mistaken about the benefits of what the other side is offering, they may reach an agreement they later come to regret. An example of a lose-lose situation could be when two companies engage in a bidding war for a contract, driving the price up beyond what is reasonable for either party.

Win-Win Outcome

In this scenario, both parties aim to achieve results that fall within their target ranges, resulting in mutually beneficial agreements. This could involve reaching a fair middle ground or crafting creative solutions that improve the position of both parties.

Win-win scenarios occur when both sides understand the value of a good deal and have compatible goals, increasing the likelihood of a positive outcome. While there is a risk of attempting to push the other side into a losing position, parties often recognize that these results are the most stable and sustainable. Such results create a fair and relative situation where both parties benefit, reducing the chances of future conflicts.

Those involved in a win-win situation have a shared incentive to engage in future negotiations and establish a mutually beneficial working relationship. For example, when two companies negotiate a partnership agreement that boosts their market share and profitability, it exemplifies a win-win situation where both sides understand the importance of crafting beneficial solutions.

Strategies for Successful Negotiations

• Focus on Win-Win: Aim to create these situations by identifying common interests and exploring creative solutions that maximize value for all parties involved. This approach fosters positive relationships and long-term success.
• Effective Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial for understanding the needs and interests of both sides. Actively listen, ask questions, and ensure clarity to build rapport and avoid misunderstandings.
• Collaboration over Competition: Shift the mindset from a win-lose approach to a collaborative approach. Encourage cooperation, problem-solving, and the exploration of shared interests. By working together, both sides can achieve better results.

Examples of Win-Win Situations

This strategy involves prioritizing mutual gains, fostering open communication, and actively seeking collaborative solutions that meet the needs and interests of all parties involved. Compelling examples of these situations in the workplace involve scenarios where employees and employers find mutually beneficial solutions that enhance employee satisfaction, promote productivity, and contribute to the overall success of the organization.

The following are some win-win situation examples:

• Workplace Flexibility: When it comes to employment discussions, it's important to craft positive solutions such as offering employees flexible work arrangements like remote work options or flexible hours. Organizations not only promote work-life balance, but also foster increased productivity and job satisfaction. Such arrangements acknowledge the importance of accommodating individual needs while ensuring that work expectations are met, resulting in a mutually beneficial situation. Those involved in this win-win scenario recognize that the same result can be achieved through various approaches, understanding that the relative outcome is what matters in creating a fair and effective working environment.
• Strategic Partnerships: When two companies in complementary industries come together and form strategic partnerships, they can craft positive solutions that lead to mutual growth and success. By leveraging their respective strengths and resources, these partnerships allow both parties to expand their customer base, increase revenue, and enhance their market reach. In this scenario, the outcome is relative, as both sides stand to gain and neither party loses money. This creates a fair and mutually beneficial situation where two sides understand the value of collaboration and recognize that working together can result in a reduced sentence of risk and enhanced prospects for success.

Win-win situation examples for students learning negotiation can include group projects where collaboration leads to improved learning outcomes, or classroom discussions that promote knowledge sharing and critical thinking among all students.

Lose-Lose Situation Examples

• A supplier and a retailer fail to reach a mutually beneficial agreement on pricing and terms, leading to a breakdown in their business relationship and loss of potential opportunities for both parties.
• A merger between two companies fails to align their organizational cultures and strategic goals, resulting in internal conflicts, decreased productivity, and loss of market position for both entities.

Win-Lose Situation Examples

• Win-lose conflict resolution approaches often involve one party exerting dominance or using power dynamics to overpower the other, resulting in a resolution that satisfies the winning party's interests while disregarding the concerns and needs of the other party involved.
• In a competitive bid, one vendor intentionally lowers their prices significantly to win a contract, causing their competitor to lose the opportunity, exemplifying a win-lose outcome.
• A salesperson pressures a customer into purchasing unnecessary add-ons or upgrades, maximizing their own commission but leaving the customer with an unfavorable result, demonstrating a win-lose dynamic.

A Little Game Theory

In game theory (the application of mathematical modeling to competition and decision making), some competitions, or games, are called “ zero-sum ”. In zero-sum games, one player can only benefit to the equal detriment of another payer. An example of this is dividing a finite resource; every increase in a player’s stockpile must be taken from another player’s stockpile. Since the resource can only be passed between the players, any change from equal division will be a win-lose situation.

Not all games are zero-sum. In fact, many situations in the real world, even competitive ones, can be resolved in a way that lets both parties come out ahead. These non-zero-sum games are what allows for cooperation, market economies, and pro-social activities.

Examples - Three Different Outcomes

Imagine Craftsy Corp. is negotiating with Alexa to sell her artisanal widgets. Their experienced curation team thinks she has a great product with lots of potential. The only sticking point in the contract is the number of widgets Craftsy Corp. needs from Alexa for the venture.

Artisanal widgets are labor intensive, so it has been hard for Alexa to scale her business. She has only 250 widgets in stock and could probably make 250 more, if she needed to, before running out of funds. Craftsy Corp. needs to start with at least 1000 widgets to cover the fixed cost of bringing Alexa on board.

Let's see the possible outcomes of this scenario.

• Win-Lose: The customer asks the saleswoman to deliver 1,000 units, and states that she will get a 30% profit once they sell. The saleswoman says that since they only have 250 units at the time, maybe they should start by delivering 500 units. The customer says that the policy is clear, and that isn’t possible. The saleswoman says okay, but is nervous about the idea and the cost.
• Lose-Lose: They both agree to start with 500 units, but this changes the profit split. The customer thinks the deal isn’t worth her time, and the saleswoman realizes she will barely make a profit. Neither side “wins”.
• Win-Win: The saleswoman admits that starting with 500 units is best, and the customer agrees to help the small business with a partnership program. They both win.

How to Negotiate for a Win-Win Outcome

Prepare and gather information.

Before entering a negotiation, research and gather as much information as possible about the other party, their needs, goals, and constraints. Understand your own interests, priorities, and alternatives as well. The more knowledge you have, the better you can identify potential areas for compromise.

Focus on Interests, not Positions

Instead of rigidly sticking to specific demands or positions, try to uncover the underlying interests of both parties. Ask questions to understand the motivations, needs, and concerns of the other side. By identifying shared interests, you can find creative solutions that meet both parties' needs.

Practice Active Listening

Actively listen to the other party's perspective without interrupting or making assumptions. Show genuine interest in understanding their point of view. Clarify any misunderstandings and paraphrase their statements to demonstrate that you are actively engaged in the conversation.

Build Rapport and Empathy

Establishing a positive relationship with the other party can facilitate the negotiation process. Find common ground and areas of agreement to build rapport. Show empathy by acknowledging their concerns and demonstrating a willingness to work collaboratively towards a solution.

Prioritize and trade concessions

Identify your priorities and determine which aspects are most important to you. Similarly, understand the other party's priorities. Look for opportunities to make trade-offs that benefit both sides. Consider conceding on less important issues in exchange for gaining value in areas that are more critical to you.

Communicate Clearly and Assertively

Clearly articulate your needs, concerns, and proposed solutions. Be assertive, but respectful, in expressing your viewpoints. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory and maintain a constructive atmosphere.

Maintain a Problem-Solving Mindset

View the negotiation as a collaborative problem-solving process rather than a win-lose battle. Keep the focus on finding solutions that maximize mutual benefits and satisfy both parties' interests.

Not all conversations can end to the satisfaction of both sides, but a win-win solution is much more likely with some planning prior to the meeting. For your next discussion, try using Storyboard That to envision scenarios and pick one that leads to a desirable result. Storyboards are an excellent tool to lay out the interests and predicted behaviors of both sides. This exploration can reveal whether the negotiation is a zero-sum game, what a successful result would look like, and where it might be best to walk away.

Further Reading

If you want to know more about negotiations, and how you can improve your outcomes, look at our article on Getting To Yes and principled negotiations.

Frequently Asked Questions About Negotiation Outcomes

What is a win-lose situation.

A win-lose situation refers to a negotiation or outcome where one party achieves their desired objectives while the other party suffers a loss or is disadvantaged.

What is a win-win situation?

A win-win situation is a negotiation or outcome where both parties benefit and achieve their desired objectives.

What is a lose-lose situation?

A lose-lose situation is a scenario where all parties involved experience negative consequences or outcomes.

What is the Prisoner's Dilemma, and how does it relate to negotiation outcomes?

The Prisoner's Dilemma is a classic example of a lose-lose situation in conflict resolution where two people, acting in self-interest, make choices that lead to a suboptimal outcome for both. It highlights the importance of cooperation and trust-building in negotiations to avoid such scenarios.

How does cultural diversity influence corporate negotiations?

Cultural diversity can influence negotiation styles, communication norms, and decision-making processes. It is crucial to understand and respect cultural differences to effectively navigate negotiations and build productive relationships across diverse corporate environments.

What are some common negotiation strategies employed in corporate contexts, and how can power dynamics impact negotiation outcomes in a corporate setting?

In corporate negotiations, understanding and utilizing common negotiation strategies examples such as active listening, exploring alternatives, setting clear objectives, building rapport, and finding common ground are essential. These strategies aim to foster collaboration and achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. However, the impact of power dynamics cannot be overlooked. Power dynamics can influence negotiation outcomes in a corporate setting, as parties with more leverage or authority may have an advantage, potentially resulting in more win-lose situations. Therefore, navigating power dynamics becomes crucial in negotiation by focusing on interests, maintaining open communication, and seeking collaborative solutions that address the needs and concerns of all parties involved. By employing effective negotiation strategies while considering power dynamics, corporations can increase the chances of achieving favorable outcomes and building stronger relationships.

Limited Time. New Customers Only

Back to school special!

• 5 Teachers for One Year
• 1 Hour of Virtual PD

30 Day Money Back Guarantee. New Customers Only. Full Price After Introductory Offer. Access is for 1 Calendar Year

Generating a Quote

This is usually pretty quick :)

Quote Sent!

Email Sent to

What's So Hard About Win-Win?

Obstacles to win-win thinking, getting started, offer choices., focus on positive consequences., communicate clearly., respond to conflict nonreactively., build relationships with parents., follow through., a positive classroom dynamic.

Premium Resource

.css-191dech{margin-top:16px;margin-bottom:16px;display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;} .css-12z0wuy{margin-right:8px;} • .css-16w6vyg{margin:0;font-family:'Poppins',sans-serif;font-weight:400;font-size:0.875rem;line-height:1.43;font-size:1rem;font-weight:400;line-height:1.625rem;letter-spacing:0.2px;} 1 Graham, P. (Ed.). (2003). Mary Parker Follett: Prophet of management . Frederick, MD: Beard Books.

ASCD is a community dedicated to educators' professional growth and well-being.

Let us help you put your vision into action., from our issue.

No results found.

Win-win situations in sales: creating value for both sides

In a win-win situation, both parties benefit. When it comes to sales, this translates to both the buyer and seller leaving the transaction feeling positive, which lays the groundwork for future purchases, upsells and seamless collaboration.

This article highlights how to create win-win situations in daily sales activities and outlines the rules to follow to achieve this.

What is a win-win situation?

A win-win situation occurs when all participants benefit equally or similarly, finding common ground. The aim is to protect the interests of all parties involved and ensure a satisfactory outcome from the negotiation process. A win-win situation is the perfect foundation for long-term success in sales negotiations .

The significance of win-win in negotiations

Originating as a conflict management method at Harvard University, the win-win negotiation strategy emphasizes sustainable and long-term mutual gains over immediate victories.

The underlying principle is that when everybody wins in a negotiation, it enhances the motivation of all involved. Increasing the value for both parties eliminates potential dissatisfaction or envy early on, thus establishing a foundation for trustful cooperation.

The opposite scenarios: win-lose and lose-lose

The antithesis of a win-win situation is a lose-lose scenario, where both parties end up worse off. This outcome is undesirable in any discussion, negotiation or relationship and should be avoided, especially in sales conversations . Neither side achieves their desired outcome when they play hardball.

Likewise, a win-lose situation, where one party benefits at the expense of the other, carries inherent risks. While it’s not always possible for both sides to fully achieve their goals, ending up with a clear loser can foster resentment. Although there might be a short-term gain, it often signals a short-lived business relationship.

Recommended reading

10 reliable ways to delight the customer and amplify customer loyalty

Finding a win-win solution for both sides

There’s no one-size-fits-all recipe for consistently achieving a win-win scenario in sales situations. However, following a structured approach and accepting tradeoffs can lead to the best possible outcome.

Objective discussion: Encourage an equal-level dialogue. Compromise is only achievable if both parties feel understood, and conflict resolution should be based on factual grounds.

Communicate expectations: Both sides must express their expectations, desires, challenges and problems.

Joint problem-solving: Once all needs are discussed, finding a solution acceptable to both parties is crucial.

Inquiries and active listening: Respect is vital in communicating a win-win strategy. Therefore, engage in targeted questioning and actively listen to the other party.

Willingness to compromise: It’s rare for both sides to achieve all their goals altogether. Be prepared to compromise to a reasonable extent and consider counterproposals.

Communicate value: Sellers should consistently clearly articulate the benefits of their offerings. Consider why a customer should invest in your product or service and how it helps them, and then convey this value succinctly and tailor it to the individual customer.

Win-win situation: real-world examples

By being flexible and understanding customer needs, you can consistently achieve mutually beneficial outcomes.

For example, a B2B logistics company may try to persuade a potential customer to purchase special containers by promising significant cost savings and revenue increases. However, the initial financial cost and risk may deter the customer, posing a potential win-lose or lose-lose situation.

7 Steps to help you focus on the right prospects

A win-win solution might involve the company offering a smaller quantity of containers at a discounted price, coupled with a performance agreement. If the customer meets the set sales volume , the contract and quantity will be extended, benefitting both parties.

Here are some more real-world examples of win-win situations:

Negotiating a flexible work schedule that benefits both employee satisfaction and company productivity.

Implementing a recycling program that cuts down on waste and saves money.

Offering a customer a discount on future purchases in exchange for a bulk order today.

A partnership between two companies where one provides technology and the other provides market access.

A carpool arrangement that saves money on gas and reduces environmental impact for all participants.

Negotiation pitfalls: where win-win can fail

Certain principles must be internalized for a win-win outcome. Understanding that negotiating power dynamics must be balanced is crucial for a fair compromise.

Accusations and grievances have no place in objective negotiations.

Power struggles block the path to a win-win outcome.

Prejudices must be discarded and straightforward communication techniques must be employed.

An unclear value proposition makes it difficult for the customer to see the deal’s benefit.

Coercive tactics don’t foster long-term success.

The classic win-win deal has limits in performance-oriented fields – compromises are necessary.

Consultative Selling: How to build deeper, personalized relationships with prospects

Final thoughts: Keep the customer benefit in mind

Abandon the winner-loser mindset. This traditional premise offers no lasting value in negotiations.

Instead, empathize with your customers, create value for your partners and work towards a successful solution for all parties involved.

Driving business growth

Full access. No credit card needed.

Recommended

13 examples of sales collateral you need to drive revenue

Sales collateral gives customers the right information to make a decision. Build this toolbox of 13 revenue-driving resources to help push deals forward.

7 steps to putting together a brilliant sales demo

A good sales demo does more than just showcase your offering. It can help you win over prospects by connecting your product directly to their needs. In this article, we’ll walk you through the steps to putting together a brilliant sales demo with questions designed to put you in the shoes of your prospects.

Sales presentations: templates, examples and ideas on how to present like a pro

Successful sales presentations aren’t happy accidents. Find out the elements needed for a deck, and pitch delivery, that wins deals.

• Browse Topics
• Executive Committee
• Affiliated Faculty
• Harvard Negotiation Project
• Great Negotiator
• American Secretaries of State Project
• Awards, Grants, and Fellowships
• Negotiation Programs
• Mediation Programs
• One-Day Programs
• In-House Training – Inquiry Form
• In-Person Programs
• Online Programs
• Advanced Materials Search
• Contact Information
• The Teaching Negotiation Resource Center Policies
• Frequently Asked Questions
• Negotiation Journal
• Harvard Negotiation Law Review
• Working Conference on AI, Technology, and Negotiation
• 40th Anniversary Symposium
• Free Reports and Program Guides

Free Videos

• Upcoming Events
• Past Events
• Event Series
• Our Mission
• Keyword Index

PON – Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School - https://www.pon.harvard.edu

Team-Building Strategies: Building a Winning Team for Your Organization

Discover how to build a winning team and boost your business negotiation results in this free special report, Team Building Strategies for Your Organization, from Harvard Law School.

5 Win-Win Negotiation Strategies

Our experts’ advice will help ensure both sides are satisfied by using win-win negotiation strategies.

By Katie Shonk — on June 6th, 2024 / Win-Win Negotiations

Business negotiators understand the importance of reaching a win-win negotiation: when both sides are satisfied with their agreement, the odds of a long-lasting and successful business partnership are much higher. But concrete strategies for generating a win-win negotiation contract often seem elusive. The following five, from experts at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, will help set you and your counterpart up for a deal that is truly win-win.

Claim your FREE copy: Win-Win or Hardball

Discover how to handle complicated, high-level business negotiations in this free report, Win-Win or Hardball: Learn Top Strategies from Sports Contract Negotiations , from Harvard Law School.

Win-win negotiation strategy #1: Make multiple offers simultaneously.

When you put only one offer on the table at a time, you will learn very little if the other party turns it down. By contrast, think about what happens when you simultaneously present multiple offers, each of which is equally valuable to you, advises Harvard Business School professor Max H. Bazerman. If the other side refuses all of your offers, ask her which one she likes best. Her preference for a specific offer should give you a strong clue about where you might find value-creating, win-win trades and generate mutual gain. In addition to identifying potential win-win moves, when you make multiple offers simultaneously, you signal your accommodating and flexible nature, as well as your desire to understand the other party’s preferences and needs. So, the next time you are about to make an offer, advises Bazerman, consider making three that you value equally instead.

• For more information on MESOs in negotiation, see also: MESO Negotiation Strategies and Negotiation Techniques

Win-win negotiation strategy #2: Include a matching right.

In negotiation, including a matching right in your contract—a guarantee that one side can match any offer that the other side later receives—can be a classic win-win move, according to Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School professor Guhan Subramanian. Imagine that you’re a landlord negotiating with a prospective tenant. You want to keep the ability to sell the apartment to someone else in the future, while the prospective tenant wants a commitment to rent the apartment for as long as she wants. Offering the tenant a matching right—the power to match any legitimate third-party offer—would allow you to preserve your own flexibility while giving the tenant the opportunity to avoid the disruption of a move. In this manner, matching rights can improve the odds of a win-win agreement.

• For more information on matching rights, see also: Business Negotiations: Matching Rights – The Fundamentals

Win-win negotiation strategy #3: Try a contingent agreement.

In negotiation, parties often reach impasse because they have different beliefs about the likelihood of future events. You might be convinced that your firm will deliver a project on time and under budget, for example, but the client may view your proposal as unrealistic. In such situations, a contingent agreement—negotiated “if, then” promises aimed at reducing risk about future uncertainty—offers a way for parties to agree to disagree while still moving forward, writes Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor Lawrence Susskind in his book Good for You, Great for Me: Finding the Trading Zone and Winning at Win-Win Negotiation (PublicAffairs, 2014). Contingent commitments often create incentives for compliance or penalties for noncompliance, explains Susskind. You might propose paying specified penalties for turning your project in late or agree to significantly lower your rates if you go over budget, for example. To add a contingent agreement to your contract, begin by having both sides write out their own scenarios of how they expect the future to unfold. Then negotiate expectations and requirements that seem appropriate to each scenario. Finally, include both the scenarios and the negotiated repercussions and rewards in your contract. A contingent agreement can greatly increase your odds of being satisfied with whatever remedies are in place—and help generate a win-win deal.

• For more information on contingency agreements in negotiation, see also: Contingency Contracts in Business Negotiations

Win-win negotiation strategy #4: Negotiate damages upfront .

Because not all future events can be anticipated with contingent agreements, another way to foster a win-win agreement is to include liquidated damages clauses in your contract that stipulate how much will be paid if the contract is breached, according to Subramanian. Consider that if one party sues the other side for breach of contract down the line, the plaintiff (if she wins) will be awarded monetary damages rather than the specific goods or services that were lost. Therefore, negotiating upfront exactly how much will be paid for each late or missed delivery, for example, may streamline any alternative dispute-resolution measures or lawsuits that arise. In addition, negotiating damages puts a new issue on the table—and thus expands the potential for value creation. In this manner, adding new issues to the mix increases the opportunity for win-win negotiations.

• For more on this bargaining tactic, see also: Business Negotiation Skills: Negotiate Before the Damage is Done

Win-win negotiation strategy #5: Search for post-settlement settlements. 

Imagine that you’ve just reached an agreement. You are fairly happy with the deal, but suspect you could have eked more value out of it. According to conventional wisdom, you should quit talking about the agreement with your counterpart and move on, lest you spoil the deal . By contrast, Bazerman advises asking the other party whether he would be willing to take another look at the agreement to see if it can be made better. Explain to your counterpart that you would each be free to reject a revised deal if it doesn’t improve both of your outcomes. This type of post-settlement settlement can lead to new sources of value to divide between you. It can also help generate a win-win contract if you didn’t have one before. Your success in hammering out your initial agreement may have established the trust needed to explore the possibility of an even stronger deal.

• For more information on post-settlement settlements, see also: Business Negotiation Skills: How to Enhance Your Negotiated Agreement

What’s your favorite win-win negotiation story? Share it with us in the comments.

Related Posts

• For NFL Players, a Win-Win Negotiation Contract Only in Retrospect?
• Streaming Toward Win-Win Negotiation: Spotify Upgrades Its Negotiating Strategy
• What is a Win-Win Negotiation?
• How to Negotiate Mutually Beneficial Noncompete Agreements
• Labor Negotiation Strategies

No Responses to “5 Win-Win Negotiation Strategies”

4 responses to “5 win-win negotiation strategies”.

The 5 strategies are an eye opener for early birds. Being an early bird, I could understand the significance of knowing good negotiation skills. In today’s cutthroat competitive market such skills are a necessity. The examples you use really helped me to understand the strategies better. Thankyou so much for imparting your knowledge with us.

Such a nice blog on 5 win-win negotiation strategies and I hope you keep update us with such great tips and information in future too. This is a great post; I will share as much as I can. Thanks for this wonderful content.

One of my favorite and most successful negotiation strategies is to put into a contract terms that define how savings will be shared when both parties participate in a cost reduction initiative. This keeps suppliers motivated to improve knowing that there is something in it for them.

Very useful tactics. Thank you!

Click here to cancel reply.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Negotiation and Leadership

• Download Program Guide: Fall 2024 Spring 2025
• Register Online: Fall 2024 Spring 2025
• Learn More about Negotiation and Leadership

NEGOTIATION MASTER CLASS

• Download Program Guide: November 2024
• Register Online: November 2024
• Learn More about Harvard Negotiation Master Class

Negotiation Essentials Online

• Download Program Guide: December 2024 and June 2025
• Register Online: December 2024 June 2025
• Learn More about Negotiation Essentials Online

Beyond the Back Table: Working with People and Organizations to Get to Yes

• Download Program Guide: February 2025
• Register Online: February 2025
• Learn More about Beyond the Back Table

Select Your Free Special Report

• Negotiation and Leadership Spring 2025 Program Guide
• Negotiation Essentials Online (NEO) December 2024 and June 2025 Program Guide
• Negotiation Essentials In-House Program Guide
• Negotiation Master Class November 2024 Program Guide
• Beyond the Back Table February 2025 Program Guide
• Negotiation and Leadership Fall 2024 Program Guide
• Make the Most of Online Negotiations
• Managing Multiparty Negotiations
• Getting the Deal Done
• Salary Negotiation: How to Negotiate Salary: Learn the Best Techniques to Help You Manage the Most Difficult Salary Negotiations and What You Need to Know When Asking for a Raise

Teaching Negotiation Resource Center

• Teaching Materials and Publications

Stay Connected to PON

Preparing for negotiation.

Understanding how to arrange the meeting space is a key aspect of preparing for negotiation. In this video, Professor Guhan Subramanian discusses a real world example of how seating arrangements can influence a negotiator’s success. This discussion was held at the 3 day executive education workshop for senior executives at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School.

Guhan Subramanian is the Professor of Law and Business at the Harvard Law School and Professor of Business Law at the Harvard Business School.

Articles & Insights

• Michael Scott, Negotiation Genius? Lessons from TV Negotiations
• BATNA and Other Sources of Power at the Negotiation Table
• BATNA Strategy: Should You Reveal Your BATNA?
• Take your BATNA to the Next Level
• Taylor Swift: Negotiation Mastermind?
• Negotiation Advice for Buying a Car: Tips for Improving Your Negotiating Position
• 10 Great Examples of Negotiation in Business
• Top 10 Notable Negotiations of 2022
• Negotiation Preparation Strategies
• Contingency Contracts in Business Negotiations
• Case Study of Conflict Management: To Resolve Disputes and Manage Conflicts, Assume a Neutral 3rd Party Role
• Pros and Cons of Email Communication
• 3 Types of Conflict and How to Address Them
• What is Conflict Resolution, and How Does It Work?
• How to Manage Conflict at Work
• Crisis Negotiation Lessons: The U.S.-Russia Prisoner Swap
• What is Crisis Management in Negotiation?
• Famous Negotiations Cases – NBA and the Power of Deadlines at the Bargaining Table
• Crisis Communication Examples: What’s So Funny?
• AI Negotiation in the News
• Trust and Honesty in Negotiations: Dealing with Dishonest Negotiators
• Bargaining in Bad Faith: Dealing with “False Negotiators”
• How to Renegotiate a Bad Deal
• Consensus-Building Techniques
• How to Manage Difficult Staff: Gen Z Edition
• 7 Tips for Closing the Deal in Negotiations
• MESO Negotiation: The Benefits of Making Multiple Equivalent Simultaneous Offers in Business Negotiations
• What Leads to Renegotiation?
• Does Your Negotiation Process Need Improvement?
• 5 Dealmaking Tips for Closing the Deal
• Cultural Barriers and Conflict Negotiation Strategies: Apple’s Apology in China
• What is Dispute System Design?
• Settling Out of Court: Negotiating in the Shadow of the Law
• What are the Three Basic Types of Dispute Resolution? What to Know About Mediation, Arbitration, and Litigation
• Four Conflict Negotiation Strategies for Resolving Value-Based Disputes
• Political Negotiation: Negotiating with Bureaucrats
• International Arbitration: What it is and How it Works
• Diplomatic Negotiations: The Surprising Benefits of Conflict and Teamwork at the Negotiation Table
• The Importance of Relationship Building in China
• Overcoming Cultural Barriers in Negotiations and the Importance of Communication in International Business Deals
• How Collaborative Leadership Helped Former Competitors Profit
• Directive Leadership: When It Does—and Doesn’t—Work
• Counteracting Negotiation Biases Like Race and Gender in the Workplace
• What Is Collective Leadership?
• The Trait Theory of Leadership
• Why is Negotiation Important: Mediation in Transactional Negotiations
• How Mediation Can Help Resolve Pro Sports Disputes
• The Mediation Process and Dispute Resolution
• What Makes a Good Mediator?
• AI Mediation: Using AI to Help Mediate Disputes
• Top 10 Negotiation Skills You Must Learn to Succeed
• Chatbot Negotiations: What Can AI Do for You?
• Identify Your Negotiation Style: Advanced Negotiation Strategies and Concepts
• The Benefits of Coalitions at the Bargaining Table
• Dear Negotiation Coach: Dealing with an Exploding Offer
• 10 Negotiation Training Skills Every Organization Needs
• 3-D Negotiation Strategy
• Use a Negotiation Preparation Worksheet for Continuous Improvement
• The Importance of a Relationship in Negotiation
• Collaborative Negotiation Examples: Tenants and Landlords
• How to Ask for a Salary Increase
• Negotiating a Salary When Compensation Is Public
• Salary Negotiation: How to Ask for a Higher Salary
• How to Counter a Job Offer: Avoid Common Mistakes
• Renegotiate Salary to Your Advantage
• Negotiation Journal Now Open Access, New Issue Just Released!
• Teaching the Fundamentals: The Best Introductory Negotiation Role Play Simulations
• Teach Your Students to Negotiate a Management Crisis
• Learn from the Best with the Great Negotiator Case Studies
• The Best New Simulations

PON Publications

• Negotiation Data Repository (NDR)
• New Frontiers, New Roleplays: Next Generation Teaching and Training
• Negotiating Transboundary Water Agreements
• Learning from Practice to Teach for Practice—Reflections From a Novel Training Series for International Climate Negotiators
• Insights From PON’s Great Negotiators and the American Secretaries of State Program
• Gender and Privilege in Negotiation

Remember Me This setting should only be used on your home or work computer.

Lost your password? Create a new password of your choice.

Copyright © 2024 Negotiation Daily. All rights reserved.

Collaborative Negotiation Done Right

October 10, 2014

Selena McLachlan

Collaborative negotiation – 6 important reminders about this win-win approach.

Getting to Yes: How To Negotiate Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, was written in 1981, yet remains a best-seller. Why? Because it’s brilliant. Because it’s straightforward. Because it speaks to us leaders who value relationships. It’s a universally applicable method for negotiating personal and professional disputes without getting taken – and without getting angry. The book offers a concise, step-by-step, proven strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. And as leaders, we know how invaluable this practice is.

If you’re like many, you’ve probably already read the book. But if you’re like most, you’d probably also benefit from a periodic refresher. If you don’t have several hours to spend, I’ve taken some liberties to summarize the most salient points below.

Collaborative negotiation in a nutshell

Collaborative negotiation – also called constructive, principled or interest-based negotiation – is an approach that treats the “relationship” as an important and valuable element of what’s at stake, while seeking an equitable and fair agreement. As opposed to always conceding in order to sustain the relationship.

A “competitive” approach to negotiation assumes a fixed pie, zero-sum, win-lose situation. In collaborative negotiation, it’s essentially assumed that the pie can be enlarged by finding things of value to both parties, creating a win-win situation, so that everyone leaves the table feeling like they’ve gained something of value.

Fair-process

Unlike most of the animal kingdom, we humans have a profound and deep need for fairness. And when this doesn’t happen – even if we’re the ones emerging as “winners” from a competitive negotiation – the end result is often not truly satisfying. A better feeling, and result, occurs when our needs are met; including the need for fairness.

Joint problem-solving

A collaborative approach to negotiation strives to convert individual wants into a single problem, bringing both parties together to work on solving the problem. The theory stems from the notion that by converting individual positions, wants and desires into separated problems, the negotiators are able to free themselves of any jealously or personal attachment to their requirements, in order to take a more objective and equitable position to collaborate from.

Transparency and trust

While it may not be possible or necessary to give away all of your information, there’s little tolerance for deceptive practices in collaborative negotiation. Moreover, gaining trust will be next to impossible. A simple way to eliminate suspicion is to be open and transparent, giving out most or all of your information (i.e. your wants, desires, end goal) before the other party requests it. The exact opposite of playing your best poker hand!

Dealing with competitive negotiators

So what happens when not everyone is playing by the same rules? Indeed, a huge challenge can occur if the other party takes a competitive approach, and tries to take advantage of your desire to collaborate. Sometimes we’re even perceived by competitive negotiators, to be weak. A proven way to deal with this type of situation is to be assertive and remain calm. Fend off your fight-or-flight reaction, recap your interests and summarize what you heard as their interests. Offer up a bit of an olive branch, while staying strong. And perhaps most importantly, know in advance what your BATNA is (back-up alternative to negotiated agreement), and demonstrate that you’re prepared to use it.

Remember, being a collaborative leader does not mean being weak or giving in. On the contrary, a collaborative approach seeks to gain the best possible solution for all. A true win-win situation. As educators, this means that our teachers, parents, students and school boards can all walk away feeling like they’ve come out winners. Kind of like a good haggle over a cup of tea at a middle-eastern carpet bazaar!

Think about the next time you need to engage your stakeholders in a collaborative negotiation. What’s your starting position? What are you prepared to give up? What are you not? And what’s your fall-back plan?

More from the Archives

Responsible ai integration: 4 steps for education leaders.

Insights for Leaders: Harnessing the Power of Responsible AI in Education

Unlocking the Power of Employee Voice: 3 Strategies for Optimizing AI in HR

Gain clarity, not clutter. Turn insights into action today.

Ready to see how the platform works?

• Deeper Engagement

Integrated AI-Analysis

• Instant Actions
• Events & Webinars
• Customer Stories

Great! Before we connect you with a member of our team, tell us a bit about you!

• Product Tour
• Integrated AI Analysis
• Responsible AI & Trust
• Brand Guidelines
• Leadership Team
• Careers & Culture
• Get Started

Webinar: Bond & Levy Planning Essentials: Your Best Chance of YES

FIND A MEDIATOR QUICK LISTS

• Mediators Listed by State/City
• Mediators Listed by Practice Area
• Mediator Services
• Certification
• Mediate University
• Statewide Banner
• Online Meeting Room
• About Mediation
• Public Policy

Win/Win Solutions – The Role of Collaboration in Resolving Problems

Dale Eilerman

Dale Eilerman operates Conflict Solutions Ohio, LLC working with individuals and organizations to improve relationships and performance.  He specializes in the dynamics associated with conflict management and provides clinical counseling, coaching, consultation, training, team-building, and conciliation work including mediation.  Dale is a licensed clinical counselor and is the Director of Organizational Learning… MORE >

Featured Members

Read these next

Poor behavior 12: lack of openness or honesty.

Conflicts of Interest Blog by Vivian Scott When people don’t know what’s happening they often get a movie going in their head that helps them explain the situation. The film...

Flip the Problem to Illuminate Hidden Solutions

The way we approach problem solving influences the solutions we can see — and are willing to see. When problem solving gets stuck, sometimes the best way to get unstuck...

The Future of Mediation: Mediators As Problem Finders, Makers, and Designers

In 1964 two University of Chicago social scientists conducted an experiment at the Art Institute of Chicago. They invited a group of students to select from among random objects set...

Beyond Intractability

The Hyper-Polarization Challenge to the Conflict Resolution Field We invite you to participate in an online exploration of what those with conflict and peacebuilding expertise can do to help defend liberal democracies and encourage them live up to their ideals.

Follow BI and the Hyper-Polarization Discussion on BI's New Substack Newsletter .

Hyper-Polarization, COVID, Racism, and the Constructive Conflict Initiative Read about (and contribute to) the  Constructive Conflict Initiative  and its associated Blog —our effort to assemble what we collectively know about how to move beyond our hyperpolarized politics and start solving society's problems. 

By Brad Spangler

January 2013

Original Publication September 2003, updated January 2013 by Heidi Burgess

Win-win, win-lose, and lose-lose are game theory terms that refer to the possible outcomes of a game or dispute involving two sides, and more importantly, how each side perceives their outcome relative to their standing before the game. For example, a "win" results when the outcome of a negotiation is better than expected, a "loss" when the outcome is worse than expected. Two people may receive the same outcome in measurable terms, say $10, but for one side that may be a loss, while for the other it is a win. In other words, expectations determine one's perception of any given result.

Win-win outcomes occur when each side of a dispute feels they have won. Since both sides benefit from such a scenario, any resolutions to the conflict are likely to be accepted voluntarily. The process of integrative bargaining aims to achieve, through cooperation, win-win outcomes.

Win-lose situations result when only one side perceives the outcome as positive. Thus, win-lose outcomes are less likely to be accepted voluntarily. Distributive bargaining processes, based on a principle of competition between participants, are more likely than integrative bargaining to end in win-lose outcomes--or they may result in a situation where each side gets part of what he or she wanted, but not as much as they might have gotten if they had used integrative bargaining.

Lose-lose means that all parties end up being worse off. An example of this would be a budget-cutting negotiation in which all parties lose money.  The intractable budget debates in Congress in 2012-13 are example of lose-lose situations.  Cuts are essential--the question is where they will be made and who will be hurt.   In some lose-lose situations, all parties understand that losses are unavoidable and that they will be evenly distributed. In such situations, lose-lose outcomes can be preferable to win-lose outcomes because the distribution is at least considered to be fair.[1]

In other situations, though, lose-lose outcomes occur when win-win outcomes might have been possible. The classic example of this is called the prisoner's dilemma in which two prisoners must decide whether to confess to a crime. Neither prisoner knows what the other will do. The best outcome for prisoner A occurs if he/she confesses, while prisoner B keeps quiet. In this case, the prisoner who confesses and implicates the other is rewarded by being set free, and the other (who stayed quiet) receives the maximum sentence, as s/he didn't cooperate with the police, yet they have enough evidence to convict. (This is a win-lose outcome.) The same goes for prisoner B. But if both prisoners confess (trying to take advantage of their partner), they each serve the maximum sentence (a lose-lose outcome). If neither confesses, they both serve a reduced sentence (a win-win outcome, although the win is not as big as the one they would have received in the win-lose scenario).

This situation occurs fairly often, as win-win outcomes can only be identified through cooperative (or integrative) bargaining, and are likely to be overlooked if negotiations take a competitive distributive) stance.

The key thing to remember is that any negotiation may be reframed (placed in a new context) so that expectations are lowered. In the prisoner's dilemma, for example, if both prisoners are able to perceive the reduced sentence as a win rather than a loss, then the outcome is a win-win situation. Thus, with lowered expectations, it may be possible for negotiators to craft win-win solutions out of a potentially lose-lose situation. However, this requires that the parties sacrifice their original demands for lesser ones.

[1] The above definitions were drawn from: Heidi Burgess and Guy Burgess, Encyclopedia of Conflict Resolution  (Denver: ABC-CLIO, 1997), 306-307, 309-310. < http://www.amazon.com/Encyclopedia-Conflict-Resolution-Heidi-Burgess/dp/0874368391 >.

Use the following to cite this article: Spangler, Brad. "Win-Win, Win-Lose, and Lose-Lose Situations." Beyond Intractability . Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Information Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: June 2003 < http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/win-lose >.

Additional Resources

The intractable conflict challenge.

Our inability to constructively handle intractable conflict is the most serious, and the most neglected, problem facing humanity. Solving today's tough problems depends upon finding better ways of dealing with these conflicts.   More...

Selected Recent BI Posts Including Hyper-Polarization Posts

• Reprise: Constructive Confrontation: Applying Conflict Insights from a 1st Party (Not 3rd Party) Perspective -- A reprise of an old newsletter on constructive ways of engaging in conflict that is less likely to create backlash and more likely to achieve one's goals than typical adversarial approaches are likely to do.
• Guy and Heidi Burgess Talk with David Eisner about Threats to Democracy and How to Address Them -- The Burgesses talked with David Eisner about what he thinks the threats to democracy are, and how (and when) we might respond to them. We agreed, citizen involvement in governance is key.
• Updating Our Impartiality Discussions - Part 1 -- The Burgesses update their 2-year old discussion of impartiality, adding to it Martin Carcasson's notion of "principled impartiality" which adds in quality information and "small-d" democracy.

Get the Newsletter Check Out Our Quick Start Guide

Educators Consider a low-cost BI-based custom text .

Constructive Conflict Initiative

Join Us in calling for a dramatic expansion of efforts to limit the destructiveness of intractable conflict.

Things You Can Do to Help Ideas

Practical things we can all do to limit the destructive conflicts threatening our future.

Conflict Frontiers

A free, open, online seminar exploring new approaches for addressing difficult and intractable conflicts. Major topic areas include:

Scale, Complexity, & Intractability

Massively Parallel Peacebuilding

Authoritarian Populism

Constructive Confrontation

Conflict Fundamentals

An look at to the fundamental building blocks of the peace and conflict field covering both “tractable” and intractable conflict.

Beyond Intractability / CRInfo Knowledge Base

Home / Browse | Essays | Search | About

BI in Context

Links to thought-provoking articles exploring the larger, societal dimension of intractability.

Colleague Activities

Information about interesting conflict and peacebuilding efforts.

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of Beyond Intractability or the Conflict Information Consortium.

Beyond Intractability 

Unless otherwise noted on individual pages, all content is... Copyright © 2003-2022 The Beyond Intractability Project c/o the Conflict Information Consortium All rights reserved. Content may not be reproduced without prior written permission.

Guidelines for Using Beyond Intractability resources.

Citing Beyond Intractability resources.

Photo Credits for Homepage, Sidebars, and Landing Pages

Contact Beyond Intractability    Privacy Policy The Beyond Intractability Knowledge Base Project  Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess , Co-Directors and Editors  c/o  Conflict Information Consortium Mailing Address: Beyond Intractability, #1188, 1601 29th St. Suite 1292, Boulder CO 80301, USA Contact Form

Powered by  Drupal

production_1

Conflict Management Techniques

Win-win (collaborating), compromising, withdrawing, books on conflict management.